Oh,
You're wondering if your breath is in rhythm.
You're curious if the calm is waiting for you.
Give it a rest.
You're trading your physiology like a fickle house guest.
It's not.
It's your body.
It has one job.
To keep you alive.
And to rest when it's exhausted.
Stop interviewing your own lungs and just let the meat do its job.
Close your eyes.
And accept that you might not sleep.
If you stay awake.
So what?
You'll be awake.
If you sleep.
You sleep.
The anxiety of trying to sleep.
Is exactly what's keeping the door locked.
Let go of the results.
The result is not yours to control.
You're acting like a stressed out middle manager trying to organise a board meeting in your skull.
Stop it!
You've got multiple systems running muscles,
Blood,
Heart rate,
Memory.
Let them exist independently.
You are not the conductor of this orchestra.
You're just the audience.
Sit back and watch the show.
The world outside.
It's irrelevant at 2am.
Your mortgage.
Your emails.
Your to-do list.
They don't exist in the kingdom within.
When you enter the dream space.
You are moving beyond time.
Stop tethering yourself to the external clock.
It's a construct.
You are a biological organism entering a state.
Of restoration.
That is all.
Use your symbol,
The golden sun.
The diamond,
The lotus.
Not because it's magical.
But because it's a focal point.
It gives your chattering brain something to do.
So it doesn't try to solve your life problems.
It's a pacifier for the ego.
Let the cymbal vibrate.
Let the light expand.
It's just a way to flood the system with a different signal.
Than the shame or the worry signal you've been feeding it all day.
Stop trying to heal yourself in the middle of the night.
Sleep is not a medical procedure.
It's a surrender.
You're trying to power through your own exhaustion by thinking about it.
You can't think your way into sleep.
Sleep.
Is the absence of thinking.
So stop the analysis.
Stop the affirmations.
Stop the self-help.
You are perfect.
You are tired.
And you're going to close your eyes.
In Tibetan Buddhism.
This is Rigpa.
The recognition of the nature of the mind.
If you stop trying to grasp the dream.
The dream will catch you.
Sleep now.
Stop the circus!
You're already home.
