As we settle into this space together.
I want to take a moment to just honor who you've been.
Who you are,
And who you are becoming.
Oftentimes we can talk about our past selves and living for our future self,
Potentially to be proud of us.
When we're working through trauma and attempting to move forward.
Our past self can often become a theme.
We want to try to separate from.
We want to try to outlive,
Outrun.
Perfect a little bit,
Be different from.
Because our past selves lived through the context of the very things that cause us pain.
And we think that if we can somehow be different than our past self,
We can overcome the pain.
But what I want to invite you into.
Is this idea that you don't have to outlive your past self or out become her.
If you lived in the context of suffering,
High control environments,
Or dysfunctional families.
Then you probably developed patterns within that context.
That are still impacting you today.
And you're afraid to have continue impacting you in the future.
It's easy to villainize our past selves.
And try to divorce ourselves from them in this process of trying to become somebody new.
But I invite you to actually ask yourself.
At the core of your being.
Did your past self.
Have a desire.
Of course.
Of course they did.
Can you connect with it?
Or is it.
.
.
Only the context of your past self that you feel connected to.
Whatever your answer is.
Invite yourself to go deeper and ask what did that past version truly desire?
Does that desire still live within you now?
And if so,
In what way can you be proud?
Of who you are now in the way that you have moved forward toward the desire that past you wanted.
To make this a little more concrete.
I existed within the context of a military family.
An evangelical system.
That taught me that the end of the world was coming and I needed to prepare the world for it.
I became a soldier,
A champion,
And a martyr.
But at my core.
What motivated me to become those things in that context was my deeper desire to make a difference.
My deeper desire.
To be.
Fully invested in my life,
Fully present,
Fully going after something that felt meaningful to me.
I wanted to be grounded in something.
So big.
So intentional.
So powerful.
That I could kind of melt myself into it.
And I did that.
And in my being now.
I am healing.
From that context.
I'm shedding the idea that I am a martyr,
A soldier,
Or a champion.
Because I don't need that context.
To give me the structure to identify my meaning and worth with.
I could look back on that past version of myself and.
.
.
Be mad at her.
For letting me believe that my high control system knew better for me than I did for myself.
I could be mad at her for that.
Or I could look at her deeper desire.
For Living With Intention.
And see how I now,
In shedding those past identities,
Are honoring that deeper part.
I am honoring that intentionality and meaning-making.
In the way that I am becoming.
And most likely my future self.
Will probably look back and recognize that I'm still within the context of my system.
And she too will be able to see the thread of how I'm moving about this world with my core desire intact.
Now that's my version of the story.
But I invite you to apply that too.
Your own core desire.
Finding the thread between your past,
Your present,
And your future.
So that you can let the context breathe and exhale.
And you can move inward.
Toward what feels true and inviting and full for you.
I honor that journey in you.
And appreciate you being here with me as I share my journey.
I'm proud of you.
And I hope you are proud of yourself.
Good work.
Talk to you next time.
