Why Your Worth Was Never Something You Had to Earn

I want to ask you something and I want you to really sit with it.

So when you make a mistake,

When you disappoint someone,

When something just doesn't go the way that you planned,

How do you talk to yourself in that moment?

Because for a lot of people,

The answer is actually in the way they would never ever speak to someone that they love.

Harsh,

Critical,

And forgiving,

And the scariest part,

That most of the time,

They don't even notice that they're doing it.

It has become so normal that it feels just like telling the truth.

My name is Lisa and today I want to talk to you about self-worth.

Not confidence,

Not self-esteem in the surface level sense,

But really the deep underlying belief that you carry about whether you are fundamentally enough.

Because that belief is running in the background of almost every decision that you make,

Every relationship that you're in,

And every time that you hold yourself back from something that you actually want.

Here's what I want you to understand first.

Self-worth is not something that you earn.

This is probably the most important thing that I'm gonna say today.

So I just want you to really hear it,

That self-worth is not something that you earn.

It is not the result of your achievements or your productivity,

Your appearance,

How well you are as a parent,

How successful you are at work,

Or how much you do for other people.

Those things can really make you feel good,

But they are not the source of your worth.

And the problem with building your sense of self on any of those things is that they can all be taken away,

Which means that your worth feels constantly under threat.

Most of us were never taught this.

We grew up in systems,

Families,

Schools,

Workplaces that really rewarded performance and withdrew approval when we fell short.

So we learned really early in life that love and worth were conditional,

That we really had to do something,

Be something,

Achieve something to deserve them.

And that belief,

It didn't come from nowhere.

It made complete sense given what we were shown,

But it isn't true and carrying it into adulthood is exhausting.

Low self-worth shows up in ways that aren't always obvious.

It's in really the way that you over explain yourself in conversations.

It's in the way you say yes when you mean no because you're afraid of what people will think.

It's in the way you downplay your wins and magnify your failures.

It's in the relationships that you stay in longer than you should because some part of you believes that you don't deserve better.

It's in the dreams that you haven't pursued because who am I to think that I could do that?

And here's the cruel irony.

People with low self-worth often work the hardest,

Give the most,

And ask for the least in return because they're constantly trying to prove something to earn the worth that they don't believe they already have.

The shift begins with awareness,

Noticing the voice.

Noticing when you are holding yourself to a standard that you would never apply to anyone else.

Noticing the moments that you shrink,

Apologizing unnecessarily,

Or making yourself smaller to make others more comfortable.

You don't have to fix it all at once,

But you do have to start seeing it.

Your worth is not up for debate.

It is not determined by your worst day,

Your biggest mistake,

Or anyone else's opinion of you.

It was never something that you had to earn.

And the work,

The real work,

Is not becoming more worthy.

It's just remembering that you always were.

Thanks for watching today and I'll see you in the next video.