Have you ever found yourself lying in bed completely exhausted?
Knowing you need to go to sleep.
But somehow you're still scrolling on your phone.
And it's not even particularly interesting anymore.
You've watched six videos,
Looked at something that you have absolutely no intention of buying,
But put in your cart anyways,
And somehow ended up reading the comments on a post about a topic that you don't even care about.
And now it's midnight.
You know tomorrow is going to be harder because you're not getting enough sleep.
You just don't want to stop.
There's actually a name for something like this.
Is called revenge bedtime procrastination.
And when our phones are involved,
We sometimes call it revenge bedtime scrolling.
And while it might look like a problem with self-control,
I think there's often something much more interesting happening beneath.
Why do we do it,
Right?
Revenge bedtime procrastination describes that experience of putting off sleep because we want to reclaim some of our time for ourselves.
Maybe you've spent your entire day working,
Taking care of other people,
Managing responsibilities,
Answering questions,
Making decisions.
And doing all the things that you're supposed to do.
And then finally.
Everybody else is asleep.
Nobody needs anything from you.
There are no emails to answer,
No appointments to get to,
No expectations.
For the first time all day,
Your time actually feels like your own.
And your brain says,
Wait a minute.
We're not going to waste this freedom by going to sleep.
Which,
When you think about it,
Is a pretty understandable response.
Especially if you're someone with ADHD or neurodivergence or you're experiencing burnout.
Because when we've spent the entire day trying to meet expectations,
Manage executive functioning challenges,
Or navigate sensory and social demands,
Those quiet hours can feel incredibly valuable.
And scrolling provides something else too.
Novelty,
Stimulation,
A little dopamine.
Something that doesn't require much planning or effort.
It's an easy way to transition from a demanding day.
The problem is that the thing that we're using to decompress can end up keeping us awake long past the point when it's actually helping.
So I want to offer you a slightly different way to think about this.
Instead of asking yourself,
Why can't I just put my phone down?
What if instead you asked,
What am I getting from this time that I don't feel like I'm getting from the rest of my day?
Because those are two very different questions.
One assumes there's something wrong with you.
The other gets curious about what you might need.
Maybe what you're looking for is a little autonomy,
A time where nobody else gets to decide what you do.
Maybe it's just quiet because you've been overstimulated all day.
Or maybe it's simply a chance to do something enjoyable without feeling like you should be doing something more productive.
And if we look at this through a parts work lens,
We might recognize that there's a part of us that really doesn't want the day to be over.
Not because it wants us to be exhausted tomorrow,
But because it's trying to protect something important.
A sense of freedom,
A little enjoyment,
Some space that belongs just to us.
And when we understand that,
We can start working with that part instead of fighting against it.
What do we actually do about it?
I want to offer three small things you can experiment with.
First,
Give yourself some time that actually belongs to you before bedtime.
I know it's easier said than done,
But even 10 or 15 minutes of intentional guilt-free downtime earlier in the evening can make a difference.
And here's the important part.
It doesn't have to be productive.
You don't have to meditate or journal or stretch or do something that's supposed to make you a better person.
You can just enjoy yourself.
Second,
Notice when the scrolling stops feeling good.
There's often that moment where we've moved from actually enjoying what we're doing into mindlessly continuing.
Maybe you're no longer interested in what you're watching.
Maybe your eyes are tired.
Maybe you're getting irritated by everything that you see.
That's a useful moment to notice.
Not to judge,
But to ask yourself,
Am I still getting what I came here for?
And third.
Make the transition to sleep a little easier.
For ADHD brains in particular,
Transitions can be hard.
Moving from something stimulating into something much less stimulating isn't always as simple as just deciding to stop.
So instead of expecting yourself to go directly from scrolling to sleeping,
Build a small bridge.
Maybe you switch on an audio book or familiar podcast.
Maybe you put your phone on the charger across the room and get comfortable with some quiet music.
The goal is to make the next step feel accessible rather than forcing yourself to an abrupt stop.
Here's what I really want you to take away from this.
If you're regularly staying up later than you want to,
Despite knowing how much you need sleep,
That doesn't automatically mean that you're lazy or undisciplined.
It might mean that your days aren't leaving enough room for you.
And while getting enough sleep matters,
So does having a life that doesn't require you to steal time from your own rest just to feel like you have a little freedom.
So tonight,
If you find yourself reaching for your phone when you know you should be sleeping,
Try approaching that with a moment of curiosity.
Ask yourself,
What am I needing right now?
And then see if there's a way to offer yourself a little of that without sacrificing all of tomorrow's energy.
Because you deserve rest.
And you deserve time for yourself.
And ideally,
You shouldn't have to choose between the two.
Thanks so much for joining me.
Take care.
