Sometimes when a plan changes,
I notice that I have a reaction that feels much bigger than the change itself.
Maybe somebody cancels,
The meeting gets moved.
I was planning on going one place and now we're going somewhere totally different.
Something I thought was happening at two is now happening at four.
And even if the new plan is completely reasonable,
Part of me is thinking,
No,
That's not what was supposed to happen.
I might feel irritated,
Disappointed,
Anxious,
Thrown off.
Sometimes I lose momentum entirely.
And then because the change seems relatively small.
I might start beating myself up for my own reaction.
Why am I making such a big deal out of this?
Why can't I just go with the flow?
Why does my entire day seem thrown off?
But changing plans actually asks quite a bit of the brain.
And for some of us,
That cognitive shift is more demanding than it is for others.
One of the things our brains are constantly doing are predicting what comes next.
We build little mental models of the future all day long.
I'm going to finish this,
Then I'll get dressed,
Then I'm going to drive over there,
See this person,
And then I'll come home.
You may not consciously narrate all of that,
But your brain is preparing.
It's organizing your attention,
Your time,
Your energy,
And sometimes even your emotions around what it expects is going to happen next.
Predictability saves our brains a lot of work.
If I already know what's coming,
I don't have to continually calculate what I should do next.
But then the plan changes.
And now the brain has to update that internal model.
That old sequence needs to be changed and a new one has to be created.
Your timing may need to change.
Your expectations may need to change.
You may need a new decision.
You may have already mentally transitioned away from one activity and now have to transition back.
That involves something called cognitive flexibility,
Our ability to shift our thinking or behavior when circumstances change.
All of us use cognitive flexibility,
But some of us have individual differences in how easily those shifts happen.
ADHD,
Autism,
Stress,
Exhaustion,
Anxiety,
Sensory overload,
And simply having too much on your plate can make flexibility harder in any given moment.
For some neurodivergent people in particular,
There may also be a stronger reliance on predictability to reduce cognitive or sensory demand.
But you don't have to be neurodivergent for a change in plans to feel surprisingly disruptive.
Sometimes you're just running close to capacity.
And the plan was what was holding your whole day together.
There's another piece that I think we often miss.
A change in plans can also create a tiny sense of loss.
Maybe you were looking forward to what was supposed to happen.
Maybe you had already looked at the menu for that restaurant and figured out the parking and you were ready to be there at 1130.
And then your friend changed what restaurant you're going to.
Maybe you would organize the rest of your day around all of the things.
Maybe the original plan just gave you certainty.
And now the new version.
Doesn't look like what you thought the next few hours were going to look like.
Sometimes what it looks like.
Is resistance,
But it's actually our brain saying,
Hey,
Wait,
I need to catch up for a minute.
And I think that gives us a clue about the need underneath the reaction.
You may not be.
That I need everything to go according to plan,
It may be I need time to transition.
I need information.
I need predictability.
I need a moment to feel disappointed.
I need to understand what's happening now.
I need some control over what to do next.
Or maybe I just need fewer changes because I've already adapted to 17 other things today.
That's very different from telling yourself that you're being rigid or difficult.
So here's a small practice to try the next time that plans change and you notice yourself getting activated.
Instead of immediately forcing yourself to accept the new plan.
Give yourself a brief transition pause.
Take one breath and name three things.
What changed,
What's still the same,
And what happens next.
So maybe.
The appointment moved from two to four.
I still have the afternoon free,
I'm still going to the same place,
And I still know what I need to bring.
And next I'm going to make some lunch.
You're helping your brain update the map.
And if there is disappointment,
Frustration,
Or anxiety there,
You don't have to argue with it.
You can just acknowledge,
This isn't what I expected.
I need a minute to adjust.
Sometimes that minute is exactly what allows our flexibility to return.
Because being flexible doesn't mean that change never bothers you.
It means you can notice that your brain had prepared for one reality.
Give it a little time to update,
And then gently orient yourself towards the reality that you're actually in.
So the next time a small change feels weirdly big.
Instead of asking,
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I deal with this?
You might ask,
What does my brain need in order to make this transition?
Because sometimes the problem isn't the change itself.
Is just how quickly we're expecting ourselves to adapt to it.
Thank you so much for taking this time to listen to me today.
I hope to see you in a future video in this series.
Take care.
