Hello and welcome.
Today we're looking at IFS or Internal Family Systems and the idea of PARTS.
At its core,
IFS is a way of understanding that we all have different parts of ourselves that show up in different situations.
This does not mean multiple personalities.
It simply means that our inner experience is made up of different thoughts,
Emotions,
Impulses,
And protective responses.
You may recognize this in yourself already.
Part of you may desperately want to rest while another part is telling you that you should be productive.
Part of you wants closeness with someone while another part wants to pull away.
Or you may logically know that you're doing enough and another part of you insists that you should try harder.
IFS says,
Rather than treating those internal conflicts as proof that there's something wrong with us,
What if we understood them as different parts trying to help in different ways?
The model was developed by Dr.
Richard Swartz,
And one of its central ideas is that all parts have good intentions.
Even when the way that they go about protecting us may not be especially helpful anymore.
A perfectionistic part may believe that if you never make a mistake,
You'll be able to avoid criticism.
A people-pleasing part may believe that if everyone around you is happy,
Then you'll feel connected and safe.
A part of you that shuts down or avoids things may have learned that disengaging is the best way to protect ourselves when we feel overwhelmed.
IFS doesn't ask us to immediately get rid of those parts.
Instead,
It asks us to get curious.
When did that part learn that this was necessary?
What is it afraid of if it stopped doing its job?
That curiosity is a big part of the work and one of the things that I love so much.
IFS also describes different kinds of parts.
You'll very often hear people talk about protector parts.
Some protectors are proactive.
They try to prevent pain before it happens,
Like anxiety and perfectionism.
These are sometimes called manager parts.
A manager might show up as overplanning,
People-pleasing,
Or always needing to stay one step ahead.
Other protectors tend to show up when the pain is already happening.
These are often called firefighter parts.
Their job is to make the discomfort stop as quickly as possible.
That might look like shutting down,
Distracting yourself,
Numbing out,
Or impulsively trying to escape whatever you're feeling.
Again,
IFS doesn't view those responses as bad parts.
It views them as protective strategies.
And underneath many of those protectors,
IFS describes what are called exiles.
Exiles are often younger,
More vulnerable parts of us carrying painful emotions or belief.
They may hold feelings like shame,
Fear,
Loneliness,
Or the belief that we're just not good enough.
Protectors often work incredibly hard to keep those feelings from coming back up to the surface.
You might have a perfectionistic protector whose entire job is to make sure that you never feel the shame of failure again.
Or an avoidant protector that keeps people at a distance because another part remembers how painful it was to feel rejected.
This is one reason that our reactions can sometimes feel much bigger than the situation in front of us.
We may not be responding just to what's happening now.
A protective system that has been doing its job for years may have gotten activated.
And then there's another major piece of IFS,
The cells.
In IFS,
Self with a capital S is not another part.
Self is our grounded center of the system.
It's the place in each of us that can approach our experience with qualities like curiosity,
Compassion,
Calm,
Clarity,
And confidence.
You've probably had moments where you feel like you could take a step back from a strong emotion and say,
Okay,
Something in me is really upset right now.
That little bit of space really matters.
Instead of being taken completely over by the part,
We're able to notice it.
IFS sometimes calls that being unblended.
You're no longer saying,
I am a failure.
You might start saying,
There's a part of me that is terrified that I fail.
That sounds like a small change in language,
But it can create a completely different relationship with yourself because now there's room for curiosity.
What does this part need?
What is it afraid of?
What's it been trying to protect?
And one of the most important ideas in IFS is this,
There are no bad parts.
There may absolutely be behaviors that need to change.
There may be protective strategies that are hurting us or our relationships.
But IFS separates the part from the strategy.
The goal isn't to shame that part into disappearing.
The goal is to help it understand that it may not have to work quite so hard anymore.
That's why parts work can feel very different from approaches that focus on changing thoughts or behaviors.
Instead of asking,
How do I stop doing this?
IFS may first ask,
What part of me is doing this and what does it believe that it's protecting me from?
For many people,
That shift creates a lot more self-compassion.
Because instead of seeing yourself as inconsistent,
Overly sensitive,
Controlling,
Needy,
Or broken,
You begin to see a system that learn ways to survive,
Connect,
And function.
Some of these strategies may just need a little bit of updating,
But they usually developed for a pretty good reason.
And once we understand the reason,
Change becomes a lot easier.
I'll be doing more closer look videos exploring IFS,
Like protectors,
Exiles,
The self,
And what it means to become blended with a part.
I also have two IFS focus meditation,
One for morning and one for evening.
Morning reset and then before you sleep.
But for now,
The simplest place to start is this.
The next time you have a reaction that feels confusing,
Frustrating,
Instead of immediately asking,
What's wrong with me?
Why am I like this?
Try asking.
What part of me is showing up right now?
And what is it trying to do for me?
You may be surprised what you learn.
Take care.
