When Gratitude Is Difficult

In these recorded reflections the experience of gratitude is discussed as well as pointers of how to connect to it, also for those of us for who it might be less natural or more challenging to do so. Also for those who are more easily able to connect to a sense of gratitude these reflections offer reminders and an encouragement to try to connect to it daily.

Transcript

In this recording I want to share some reflections about gratitude. And the idea is that the reflections ought to be very practical, Something that we can really apply in practice. And it's something that I want to zoom out to for a moment. It is related to the practice of gratitude, But other emotional practices, Development of skillful emotions, Maybe for example compassion or loving-kindness, Where there is that cognitive component. So maybe we make certain reflections that we use in this case to connect to a sense of gratitude, But it is important to realize that that sense of gratitude, That feeling of gratitude, Is really what you are after in a way, Really what you try to connect to. Bye. Yeah that's not always easy and it's also part of the reflections that I want to share is how to navigate that when gratitude is not necessarily easy. And so again, I want to share some reflections that we need to internalize them, We need to use them as ways of thinking for ourselves. But always to be aware that those already are thoughts and thoughts are used as a way to connect to a sense of gratitude. And yeah, Sometimes gratitude can actually come very natural. I think it can happen, Especially when we have maybe quite a good day, When things are going well, Good week, Good month. It can happen that a very natural sense of gratitude can arise. There can be a sense of just happiness about the things that are happening and realizing that they are good. But even then sometimes, Even if things are going well, It might still mean that we need to make an effort or. . . Be conscious of this and make the effort to connect to that sense of gratitude and just take a moment to reflect on it and connect to that feeling of gratitude around that. And then there can also be the case that we have a difficult time. Partially it can be the circumstances, But also it might be our personality to a degree. And in both cases, It might be more difficult to connect to a sense of gratitude. It might come less natural in that case. Again, Both when we have really a difficult time. It is harder to naturally connect to a sense of gratitude, But also again, Some personalities. For some personalities it is just harder to access and that's really fine. The ideas for sharing these reflections is also from that context. So both, Yeah, If it's already quite easy, Still there's really the recommendation to try to make a daily practice. Especially at the end of the day, It can be very natural to reflect on the good things that happened in that day. And what for me a sense of gratitude entails or what connects, Can connect one to a sense of gratitude is just taking a moment to appreciate that these things are not to be taken for granted or in a way that just recognizing that it did not need to be like that. So the good things are like that, But they did not need to have been like that. So you realize like. . . Yeah, The happiness we can have around that could have been so different. And that reflection of it could have been so different, In my experience, Can be even more helpful or necessary when we have a difficult day or a difficult time. Or in general when we have more difficulty connecting to gratitude. It sounds counterintuitive, But when we reflect upon how easily things could be worse, We We all have this human body. And we can see in other people that. Sometimes the human body can experience a lot of pain and some people have chronic pain. They have a lot of pain all the time. And then there can be a sense of perspective, I guess. And even in difficult situations, Gratitude can arise realizing that even though maybe our situation is not ideal, Or maybe actually quite difficult, And it is also good to acknowledge that. There can still be a sense of gratitude for the relative goodness of it. And maybe it's a good moment to also add to this that in all of this, What we need to really monitor is that we don't trigger a sense of guilt or shame. That can easily be what happens when we tell ourselves, Oh, I should be grateful. Why am I not grateful? And that just leads to guilt. And it's not a wholesome state. Of course, There are wholesome forms of shame and guilt, But in this case, The example that I described, It's not helpful. And I think it just becomes, It just comes from the wrong angle. And then I guess when we find the right angle, It doesn't need to be like that. It can really come from a sense of just truly appreciating from maybe a new perspective the things that we do have without putting ourselves down without creating the feeling that, Oh yeah, I was not correct before for not having gratitude, But just, Yeah, Stepping back and getting a new perspective. And again, So that has been for me at least a bit of a breakthrough moment, A bit of a moment where that really helped me more to connect to gratitude is that reflection on, And it's really a true reflection. It's really the way things really are. You realize, And I think this also happens when you have difficult experiences, That you see how easily things can become very difficult. You get into situations where there might really be a lot of pain and difficulty. And how often that can really happen easily out of our control. And then if we use those experiences, It gives a certain perspective but it can really give a very natural sense of gratitude even in difficult moments. Just feeling that, Oh yeah, Now we know that so easily it could be so much different. And so yeah, I hope these reflections help. Again, My recommendation would be that it can be quite helpful to do this regularly. Especially daily or yeah, Then it's also fine if we miss some days, But we try to do it more or less every day And again, Especially at the end of the day is very natural. We reflect on the good things that happened in a day. And again, Even when it's a difficult day. We can reflect on how this day compares to our worst day and we can feel the gratitude or even reflect on the things that are happening to other people now. And again, Always to steer away from guilt. We don't need to feel guilty. But we reflect with a renewed sense of freshness about our own experience. How there are quite a few good things and we can feel gratitude for those things. So yeah, I leave this for your reflection, And hopefully if you find that you can connect to this, I would really recommend to try to connect to it more or less every day. And yeah, I leave that reflection up to you, And hereby we come to the end of this session, And I wish you a good day.