Welcome,
Welcome to the train station.
I see you brought with you your luggage and you're ready to board the train.
Whether you have one piece of luggage or 20 that you can't let go of,
Please grab them.
Or get some help.
And climb aboard the train.
As you make your way onto the train,
Notice that there are.
Areas to sit and observe.
And there are sleeping quarters.
You can choose whichever suits you for this journey.
You can sit or you can lay down.
Whichever you choose is totally fine.
So as you get into this seat or into this room with the sleeping quarters,
I want you to put your luggage down.
And I want you to sit or lay down.
And I want you to close your eyes.
And I want you to feel.
Into your gut.
I want you to feel.
If there's a heaviness or lightness or butterflies.
If it feels good or it's tense.
Whatever it happens to be is totally okay.
I just want you to notice.
You've just boarded this train,
And it's good to know where you're starting out from.
I also want you to take your attention.
And notice your hands.
Are they open or closed,
Clenched tight,
Or open and loose?
Notice if you're holding tension.
Try to open if you're holding tension.
And if they're open,
Just pay attention to the sensation of having your hands be open at this point.
Then what I'd like you to do is I would like you to go from your hands and scan your arms Your neck.
Your shoulders.
I want you to notice if this area is tight.
If you're holding tension where your shoulders are up near your ears.
Or they're down.
Again.
We're doing a body check before we go on this journey.
As you notice.
.
.
Wherever you might be holding that tension.
To breathe into it,
Which means to take a breath and focus on the area you are taking in.
In your shoulders as an example.
You close your eyes,
As they have been.
And as you breathe in deeply,
Focus on your shoulders.
And then exhale.
And notice how that feels.
You should feel lighter.
And not heavy.
As you do this exercise of loosening up,
Of letting go,
You should start to feel more relaxed.
And now I want you to go to the lower part of your body.
I want you to go from your chest down to your feet.
And I want you to notice if you're holding any tension anywhere,
Any tightness.
Any sort of feeling.
That would indicate holding on and not letting go.
So what I want you to be able to do is to let go.
Sometimes we have to move our joints to be able to do that.
And that's okay.
Just feel the energy if you have to move your ankles or roll your ankles or flex your legs from your knees out.
If you're laying down,
That can be hard to do.
But you could draw your knees up.
Anything to release any tension.
And once you've done that,
What you can do next is just to keep your eyes closed for a moment.
And feel from your head to your toes and see if there's any leftover tension.
We don't usually carry tension in our head unless our face happens to be full of tension.
And so that's the last place you can check before we get started.
Notice if you're holding an expression,
A grimace,
Something which says,
You're not happy at this moment or you're stressed out.
Just notice that.
And then try to stretch your face.
In other words,
Drop your jaw.
You can do that a few times.
Another thing you can do is to roll your head.
These things should help.
Now,
Wherever you happen to be at,
Even if you're still holding some tension,
You're going to be okay.
But at least you've gotten rid of some tension that you might have been holding in your body.
So now what I want you to do.
.
.
And this is,
Of course.
.
.
As you're traveling on this train because now it's leaving the station.
And what you're going to do is you're going to observe if you happen to be in one of the chairs in the observation deck.
Or if you've chosen one of the sleeping quarters.
You're going to notice there's a window in the sleeping quarter and it's wide open.
So no matter where you are,
You're going to see outside of the train.
As you notice the trees passing by,
Buildings passing by,
Houses passing by,
Going to get very familiar.
It's going to look like your neighborhood when you were a child of about six or seven years old,
Wherever that was.
Whatever the landscape,
The weather.
The landmarks you remember.
This is your neighborhood.
And this train is a little bit different.
Than other trains.
Because it's going to go in circles in your neighborhood.
Until we let go.
So what I want you to do is I want you to notice the neighborhood and how it feels to you as a child when you were six or seven and you were looking out.
What did you feel was safe?
And what did you feel was unsafe?
Did you feel walking out your front door and playing in your front yard was safe?
Or did you have to play inside?
Wherever you happen to live,
Whether it was a house,
An apartment,
Whatever,
Wherever you happen to live.
Did you feel safe going outside and playing?
Did you feel unsafe if you went over to a neighbor?
Where there might have been another child.
Or an adult neighbor who was a friend.
Did she feel safe there?
Notice.
What it feels like.
To find safety.
Where was the safety as a kid?
Was it in your bedroom?
Was it in the kitchen?
In front of the refrigerator or at mealtime.
Was it watching TV?
Was it playing games?
Was it being with siblings if you had any?
Being with friends?
What was it when you were that little child?
And how did you know you were safe?
What was it?
That said everything was okay.
Maybe you never felt like everything was okay.
Maybe you felt unsafe all the time.
And maybe.
.
.
You were looking for something.
That said you were okay.
Maybe you've found.
.
.
That by acting a certain way,
Or rebelling.
Or looking for something.
That meant you were okay,
Whether it was a place or a person or a situation.
That you held on to that.
You grasped onto that.
And you decided.
This is something.
Where I feel okay,
And maybe,
Maybe.
Feeling okay was feeling checked out.
Was feeling completely.
Disassociated with whatever was happening.
Maybe it was a fantasy.
Maybe it was hope.
Maybe it was something else,
You in a TV show,
Somewhere else other than where you were.
Or maybe it was one of your parents.
Or some other person,
A grandparent.
Who was it that you held on to?
Where you either didn't feel pain.
.
.
Or you felt okay.
Not feeling pain again.
Would be numbness or disassociation.
But a lot of times we don't know the difference between that and okay.
So just feel that.
What did that feel like?
And where do you feel that now?
Where do you feel okay that same exact feeling or the feeling of numbness at least not feeling pain Where would you say that situation is in your life right now?
Or do you not have a situation like that and you're trying desperately to create that in your life?
So what you have to do if you want to get to a place of being okay that is not reliant upon what you learned at a young age.
Was helpful.
Or seemingly so.
Is that you have to let go.
Of the suitcases you hold onto.
The heaviness.
The being dragged down.
The feeling that you can't be okay unless you have whatever is inside of those suitcases with you.
Those suitcases are memories.
Those suitcases are feelings that have not been dealt with.
The suitcases are a false illusion.
That somehow when you open them you're okay because it provides you whatever you had as a small child.
We develop these ideas of security as children.
And as we become adults and we get into relationships,
We really struggle with letting go of these things because we're still looking for something that makes us feel good or okay.
So you want to feel those feelings.
And then you want to take a step back.
Into being a little bit older.
Now you're not five or six.
And you want to look around because now the train is ready.
To go to wherever you were.
When you're a little bit older.
It could have been anywhere from being 8 to 12 years old,
Let's say.
8 to 12,
8 to 10,
9.
Whatever age it is that you remember.
And Now the train is going to that neighborhood and perhaps it's the same neighborhood.
Perhaps everything is the same as it was and that's fine too.
So as you're there,
What I want you to notice.
Is if you feel any different.
Do I feel any different?
Am I still feeling safe in the same ways that I did when I was younger?
Has anything changed for me?
So.
Now that you're a little bit older,
It's easier to actually do something to let go of what you think it is that makes you safe,
That whatever it is that you believe you're going to be leaving it.
At the train station.
In your neighborhood.
So what I want you to do.
.
.
Is I want you to look at those suitcases.
And I want you to pick the suitcase that feels the heaviest and the scariest.
The one where you feel,
If you let go of it,
You might not be safe anymore.
The one where you feel,
If you lose it,
The world can't be trusted.
Or you can't be trusted.
Why is it so heavy?
And why do you need to hold on to it?
Can you see yourself without it?
Can you see yourself thriving?
Can you see yourself feeling safe?
Just by being connected to yourself.
Just by feeling into your body as we did when we started this meditation.
Can you feel into the different parts of yourself?
And see that that is where your safety actually lies.
Can you let go of this illusion?
That holding on with your hands to things.
That are outside of you.
Give you a false sense that everything is okay.
Because as you notice,
This suitcase,
Or maybe it's more than one suitcase at this point,
That feels heavy and obligated.
That even when bad things happened,
That maybe the suitcases or suitcase really didn't do much for you.
Whatever the contents were.
Really didn't,
That it was an idea that somehow it would be okay if you had this luggage with you.
So I want you to leave it at the station.
And I want you,
As you leave it,
To feel the feelings that are going through you.
And at the same time,
I want you to ask for a cup of water from the steward.
In the train.
So as you leave the baggage at the train station in your old neighborhood,
And you ask the steward for this cup of water whether you again are in sleeping quarters or in a chair in the observation.
What I want you to do.
Is to take the water and as you drink the water,
Feel it going in your mouth and down your throat.
And know that this is filling you up.
That there are magical properties in this water.
This water helps you to connect to yourself.
It's a conduit.
It helps you to feel yourself.
And that you're not alone.
And that you're okay no matter what happens in this life.
Nothing.
Is beyond your ability.
To have resilience,
And to deal with it.
Because you can.
Because you have.
Because you're here.
And what I'd like you to do.
Is with whatever remaining luggage you have.
I'd like you to continue the journey on your train.
To whatever neighborhood it was that you accumulated that baggage.
Wherever you picked up that baggage,
I want you to go back to that neighborhood.
And I want you to feel the safety or lack of safety.
Because holding on has to do with a lack of safety.
Not being able to let go,
There's a fear if I let go,
What will there be?
Who will I be?
The truth is,
You're still going to be the same person.
You're just going to stop relying on something that doesn't offer you peace to begin with.
It gives you an illusion.
That it is working,
But it's heavy.
And it's not something that changes.
You want to be able to let go of it and drink the water.
That offers you a conduit to yourself,
To your dreams,
To a state of happiness.
Where you can feel your feelings and not disassociate,
Where you can handle disappointment and know you're resilient.
You can because you have once again.
And the truth is.
.
.
The less baggage you have.
The easier it is to travel through this life on this journey.
Easier it is to get on a train.
And go anywhere and know you're okay and know that you're safe.
You're always safe.
So take care.
And I'll see you on the next journey.
