Most parents think they need to be either more involved or more strict to raise kids who are responsible,
Confident,
And well-behaved.
But that is actually the problem.
Let me show you something.
There are four different parenting styles and only one of them will raise confident,
Responsible kids.
So first there's the helicopter parent.
This is the loving,
Always there parent.
You care deeply about your kids.
You step in quickly and you fix things when they run into challenges.
On the surface,
This parenting style looks right and it really,
Really feels right.
But what you're actually teaching your child is that I don't think that you can handle this without me.
So in the end they stop trying and they rely on you to constantly be there when something challenging gets in their way.
The second parenting style is the drill sergeant.
This is the firm and controlling parent.
They have clear rules,
High expectations,
But very little flexibility.
And this one also comes from a place of care.
You really want your child to succeed,
But the message that you're sending is you can't think for yourself.
So just do what I say.
So then what ends up happening with these kids is they either shut down or they push.
And this is where you get a ton of power struggles.
The third parent is the uninvolved parent.
This one is low support.
Low structure.
And this one is different.
This one actually,
While the parents are well-intentioned,
Doesn't come from a place of love and care.
It actually comes from a place of overwhelm,
Stress,
And disconnection.
What usually happens is kids are left to figure things out on their own too early for their development.
Then there's the fourth style.
This style is called the consultant.
This style is where you set clear boundaries but you also give your child space to be able to think and try and even fail on their own.
You don't rush into rescue and you don't even control every move.
You guide them and you're there to nurture them through it.
This is the parenting style that we really want to use to raise responsible,
Confident kids.
Lots of structure,
Lots of nurturing and lots of space for them to try,
Fail and try again.
Well,
Helicopter parenting and drill sergeant parenting look like they're opposite.
They actually create the same kind of outcome.
One removes the struggle,
The other removes choice.
Both are usually driven by the same thing,
Which is fear.
Fear that your child is going to get left behind.
Fear that your child might get hurt.
Fear that they're not doing enough.
And sometimes even fear as a parent that we're going to be judged,
That we're not good enough as a parent.
That if our child fails,
It somehow reflects something that we've done wrong.
But confidence doesn't come from being protected.
Confidence comes from experience.
From solving problems,
Making mistakes,
And even recovering from those mistakes.
And these experiences show up in small moments.
Every day.
When your child is trying to tie their shoes and they struggle.
When your child finds homework rather challenging and they're struggling.
Or when they're challenged through sibling relationships or friendships at school and they don't know what to do.
When you step in too fast,
They don't grow.
When you push too hard,
They don't feel safe.
But when you stay calm,
Set a boundary,
Help them brainstorm,
And then let them try,
That's where growth happens.
Now you might be thinking,
But what if they fail?
Or what if they make the wrong choice.
They will.
And that's the point.
Because if they don't learn it now,
They'll struggle with it later when the stakes are higher,
When the consequences are bigger,
When it's harder to learn.
Here's what this looks like in real life.
Next time your child struggles,
Don't jump in right away.
Pause and say something like this.
I know that you can figure this out.
I'm right here if you need me.
Or let's brainstorm together and figure this out.
Or if you choose this choice,
Let's brainstorm what might happen if you do that.
That is consulting parenting.
You're still the parent.
You're still supportive,
But you're not taking over.
You're helping them figure it out so they can grow with these challenges.
And that's what builds real confidence.
Because the goal actually isn't to raise a child who gets it right all the time.
It's to raise a child to know they can handle it when they don't get it right.
And to raise a child to know how to figure it out.
