Awareness Satsang: Questions And Answers Into Truth

The spiritual journey is so human. It is also wilder than the mind comprehends. This brave group of seekers shares a raw vulnerability on life, love, inner turmoil and outer struggles. Experience more inner freedom after hearing the struggles and emotional clearings within this sincere satsang group.

Skilled as a spiritual surgeon, Premasudha, helps these seekers shift into more love by bringing awareness to patterning in the unconscious. The light shining through this sat sang will help all those listening to it. We are all One. Hence, by hearing it spoken within this group, such light can also enter you too!

May we all rise together.

Immense Blessings!

Transcript

So I'll just hold a prayerful presence and I'll be speaking to Ama and just making space for any of you to come forward as you wish to. Laura, Sweet one, Did you have a question? Can you hear me okay? Yeah, I can hear you very well. Okay. I was stuck in the birth canal last weekend, But I listened to your satsang again and you said, Don't worry about setting boundaries, Just love. I spent all weekend with my door locked and locked in my room, Setting a big wall boundary. And when you said, Give me your ego, I was like, Oh my, I can't do this. And I opened my door to go talk to my housemate and things are better, But I don't know how to, I feel like I have to have some kind of boundaries when you're living with someone. How do you do that? Are you supposed to have no boundaries and just love? Which is really good question. Really good question. Okay. So, I'll just tell you, I live in an apartment block. I don't know, There are not that many residents, About maybe 25 or 30. And I really try to avoid them. I mean, I avoid, You know, Encounters. I mean, Just realistically, I just kind of tend to go down the sidesteps to dump my garbage, Do you know what I mean? Because I don't really want to be disturbed by people who are running different energy. But when I encounter them, I'm very gracious and loving and heartfelt. And sometimes I have good conversations. Okay. But Laura, The key to what I'm talking about with going forward in love. Okay. So, I would just be loving with people. Then if I get a distress internally, I look at it and I respond. And I may speak to the person, Or I may withdraw from the person. Do you understand? So, I'm going forward in love for myself, But I pay great attention to how I feel about all the interactions. And I respond in kind, In a loving way to me and to them. Okay. So, You know, Sometimes with my nears and dears, Who I love very much, If they're not getting me, Then I, You know, If they're not responding to the level of love that I'm offering, Then I pull back and I become more formal with them. Yeah. It's the same, Actually, Even with clients. You know, If, Say, I've said the same thing over and over to somebody and given them a lot of time to get it, What happens is, If they don't get it, I pull back a bit. But to give them space. It's not criticism. It's to give them space to get it more. It's all loving. Even when, You know, If I'm getting data about how to behave with somebody, It's all loving, Even if sometimes I move in like a, I don't want to say self-protective way, But if I pull back a bit. Do you understand this, Laura? How do you feel about it? What's your response to what I'm saying? It's a very, Very subtle difference. It's a very what? It's a very subtle difference because when I pull back with love, It's not criticism or judgment, But that's how it's taken. It's taken personally, And I have no power over how it's taken. And there are three routines coming up and when they do them, But it's going to be a struggle. And maybe it's karma because I'm living with someone who's just like my ex, But we're not in a relationship. Okay, Hold back a sec. I just want to go back like to, So if people take it personally, You can also then, You know, Reassure them. You can say, Look, I know that, I don't mean, I hope you're not taking this personally. I just need space. Do you see what I mean? Don't do any kind of cutoff. Work with it, Like work with it. If they are taking it personally and this distresses you, Then work with it. Put your attention, Your words, Till there's a peaceable conclusion, Or at least your best efforts to a peaceable conclusion. Don't just cut off if they get hurt. Don't cut off. Continue the boundaries, You know, Just loving boundaries. Just say, I'm not feeling very sociable these days or whatever. Like, You see, Laura, I think that it's really hard for you to love yourself in this area. So, You, It's hard for you to take this step that I'm talking about, Which is if you're really comfortable with the data you're getting, You will be able to just make a boundary with somebody with a lot of compassion without upsetting them too much. Just even like that you, You say you need space, Or sometimes with a client, I'll say, Look, You need space to cook with this. I'm going to have to step back a bit and give you space. Like, This is all putting words to things. You see, Okay, This is really important for all of you. The reason this one is so good at putting words to things is I am so comfortable with myself, Which means that I have felt the hatred and the anger. I felt all of it. And then this is what gives me the words to be able to set boundaries with compassion. Do you understand? It's like lots of times, You guys, You're uncomfortable with some of your primal rage and hatred, So you don't want to feel it, So you cut off from that, And so you will experience cutoffs from other people in your relationship with other people. Do you understand? Whatever you're doing to yourself, You will experience with other people. So, Laura, Would I give you permission to just feel some of the denser material without feeling bad about it? You know, If you just go, Oh, This is clearing. Like, You guys, All of us have, You know, The Israeli-Gaza conflict inside us, Or the Ukraine-Russian conflict inside us. This is not outside us. Right. You can almost say that. You can almost say that. I can't say whatever word is inside all of us, Between the Karvas and the Pandavas. Yes. Right. In the Gita story, And it's a story, She said, Of the machinations of the ego. Yeah, And the ego battle that we have, Like the family that put, You know, Archana put Krishna in the chariot, And the other family chose Krishna's army. But the family that chose Krishna in the chariot, Archana, Won because he had God in his chariot. So, This is, This is what, If you put God in your chariot, Then when you feel like these hatred and anger surfacing, You can just give it over to God and ask for clearing. Yeah. Sweet one, I want this to come home to you, That you, That you can become more comfortable with yourself. Thank you. It is because I feel my heart expanding. I didn't feel my heart until just now. Right. Okay, Good. Okay, So that's it, You guys. Laura made the shift and her heart opened to herself before, Before this, Her heart had been closed to herself at this level. So, Although she's done a lot of work, But it's closed at this level. So, She had trouble feeling some of the deeper materials. So, Now her heart's opened and she can, She can allow this. Yeah, We're all, It's all, Oh, You guys, Even our worst anger and hatred, If you think of a little toddler throwing a temper tantrum, That's how God sees us. It's all okay. And Laura, All of you is okay, Sweet one, Please, All of you. And this one, Sorry. Yeah. I got COVID and how that could be, And it was at that time and I'm spiraling downward mentally. When you said last time that when you lost your noggin, You dropped in your heart. That's what's happening. It's easier to drop in my heart because there's less and less up here. So, It's doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. Good to see that, Sweetie pie. And I'm surrounding you with grace, But asking Amma to give you more grace. Yeah. Yeah. It's scary, But this is okay. My heart's okay. Yeah, That's it. It's it. If your heart's open, You can, I mean, It just makes it so much easier. Yeah, It's scary, But life's always scary. I mean, The whole thing is like, I mean, The earth is terrified. Come on, You guys. It's not real. It is. Yeah. I mean, The only safety is in the creator. Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Laura. Is anybody else want to come forward? Yeah. Michael, How are you? I promise you. Hi, Everybody. Well, I'm not sure physically, Not so good. I've been bragging this thing around for a couple of weeks, So I try not to start coughing. But anyway, I wasn't really going to say much today because I don't have a lot of energy. But anyway, I just wanted to pick up on what you just said. And that is, And it also harkens back to, You know, What you said about that fellow at an event that you said, Well, They're just they're just used to you. And I find you remember, Remember when you mentioned, You know, When you when you try and when you open up, I find in the family dynamic, I find that I feel easily rejected, Especially when you know, It's kind of four against one. And I do feel that. And, You know, I've had that, You know, Growing up, I mean, I was, You know, Very rejected. And, You know, I was just made to feel, You know, Feel worthless. And so it's when you're in a situation where, You know, You feel that you, What you're saying is not given much, You know, It's given short shrift, Then, You know, I feel like I was, I want to withdraw. And but that comes with anger as well. You know, I get mad because when I was a kid, I used to get really mad at that, Too. So, You know, What do you do in the family dynamic? How do you sort of open up to that? And, You know, Set loving boundaries, Because you're in it 24 seven, You know, So it's a little, It's a little more difficult, I find. Yeah, It's funny, I can feel like you're, You're trying to protect yourself, Even as you ask the question. Now, This isn't wrong, Michael, Okay? It's not wrong. Nothing is wrong, Please. But, You know, You're giving the explanation for why you are as you are, And it's kind of like, Like, I know this, Like, Man, Who are you talking to? Like, I know you so deeply. It's like, It's sort of like, You know, It's like your question surrounded by all this kind of gingerbread. And I kind of, We just go to the heart somehow. And you're asking for, You know, So the heart pain that you're speaking from, And you're wanting help with it, Your, Your heads come in to protect yourself. And it's asking me to give you kind of a head answer that gives you enough heart peace that you can continue to, You know, Keep going. I don't want to do that. I mean, I'm just, I'm just going to feel into it. You know, There are a couple things. One is, Remember Amma was saying that the men were going to get, Like, A backlash? It's like, Some of it's, You know, Some of this, The men are, Are reporting in their families now, You see? And even sometimes young men coming up, They maybe don't want to repeat the usual masculine, Do you see? They want to find a new way to be masculine, And they, They don't know how to find it. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? Yeah, And, Yeah. Okay, Now I can feel that this has come almost like an arrow to your heart, You know? It's a little bit with the shock of it, And a little bit as if I'm not coming in with soft, Comforting words. And it's like, This is, This, There's no fault to any of this, And you're a lovely man. You've got a heart of gold. You try so hard. You can't be criticized. Please understand this. Please understand this. Okay, I have to wait. There's some more wanting to come. It's slow. Everybody's, It's interesting. Everybody's getting restless, Because of the level of the heart that, Basically, Lama's asking us to go to. It's like a deeper level of heart. Yeah, Hold on. There's sort of, I'm being silent, But there's a lot happening, So I just have to take the silence for a bit. You know, Michael, You can't be criticized. You try so hard, And right now, You're feeling, With the being sick and everything, Your vulnerability's high. And also, You're doing this work, So your heart's exposed, Your pain's being exposed. Your pain's being exposed. It was very, Very intense. Yeah. So, Okay. Yeah. Oh, Man. You know, I have a lot of compassion for older men, Because there's this change in gears that's happening, And, You know, Many are going to be quite shocked by it. But you see, The masculine has brought us to this point of extinction, Okay? The fact that we're so skewed toward the patriarchy. But this is in women and men. But the men are the ones walking around with a sign saying, I am a man. Do you understand? Right. So, What you can do with this, Michael, Is, You know, You can get to know yourself more deeply. Do you know? It's like, This is so hard. I can feel, Like, It's so tough. Because you've been trained up to use your head in earning your living and everything, And in this realm where your problem is, Your head is no use at all. And I don't want it anymore. Right. Right. Right. So, It's a gradual unlearning. Right. You see, So this is what you have to face. It's a gradual unlearning, And kind of a painful one. And you've been focused on how to do it, You know, Like a how-to, How to do it, How to do it. And it's not solvable there. Yeah. It's solvable in this pain, And this kind of pain that you're feeling is the kind of pain that women walk around in all the time. All the time. Even if they put a hard shell over top, They're still in it. And I think the men have not realized that, And haven't wanted to go near it. Right. And now they're being faced with it. Yeah. So, Michael, You know, There's several things you can do. You could go get a therapist, And I mean this with, In an honoring way for you and the therapist and stuff, To do some support work, So that you get therapeutic support as you work through this pain. Walk through these changes. You see? You hate the idea, I think. You hate the idea. I know. I know you do. And you know, Not because I don't want to confront it. I do. But I don't want to talk any flakes. Yeah. Yeah. You could pray to find somebody. The thing is, There's some nuts and bolts things that the therapist could help you with that I'm not doing anymore. You know, I'm working more globally. I can't walk people through the nuts and bolts stuff the same way that I used to. I could tell you, You could have a meeting with your family. You could set, You know, There could be rules. You could, You know, Just bring rules that if people are angry with each other that they step away until they're calm. You know, Some loose rules. You could also, In the moment, You see, Speak to this saying, My feelings are hurt. Okay. But in order to do that, You see, You have to be very in touch with yourself to be able to come out and speak right in the moment with it. Do you know? And the other thing is, Probably, Other people are getting their feelings hurt by you too, And you just don't know. You see? We don't know. We think we're the angel food cakes and, Yeah. And, You know, Yeah, But it's true. And we don't realize how important it is to you. You know? Yeah, But it's true. And we don't realize how we're hurting people. Even if they're hurt, We would see, Oh, They're misunderstanding what we mean, Or whatever. They're misunderstanding it. But actually, For them, They're hurt. And the thing is, Young mother nature sometimes makes things difficult between sons and fathers. It just does. Remember, I remember next door, This father and son, The son took the fireplace poker, And they had a huge fight, And they, And he smashed windows with it, Everything. I mean, I don't know if I called the police, But the police arrived. It was, It was primal. It was. You know what? And now, I look at this, And I go, That's probably the best thing that could have happened, You know? I am actually now, For that kind of wild stuff, Because I think we're so controlled, And we're so trying to be nice, And we're just going around in circles, Whereas sometimes a real primal response clears the air. You know, The father would have been more respectful with the son after that, I'll tell you. He would have. Not that I feel that your sons need to do that with you particularly, You know what I mean? You're cut from a different cloth. You're much higher level than this father was. Yeah. And, You know, Michael, Really what you're feeling as we're talking, Okay, Here it is. I'm feeling the problem is your separation from your true nature, Okay? Your own separation from your soul. So, Yeah, You know, This, Our family's of origin, The wounding and everything, But that's come in from other lives, Because it's just showing you what you need to heal this time, Okay? So, I'm feeling it now. It's so great that you've brought this forward, Because I can feel it. It's like, Yeah, You've been separate from your true nature, And this is why you're constellating this kind of, You know, Feeling that you're not treated well, Okay? So, How do you feel right now? I guess I feel scared, Because, You know, There's a big transition in our lives. Our last boy is leaving the house, And, You know, I think the boys have a great mother, And it's good for them to have a connection to her, But I feel really left out, Really left out, Because I guess I always, You know, Meant the best, And it just makes me sad, And at the end of the day, Well, I don't want to talk about what I know. So… Good. Good. Happy. Good. Right. Right. Good. Okay, Good. Okay, Listen, You know, With my boys, And even though their dad was, Only saw them for two weeks a year, And I raised them, And I really tried hard to be a loving monk, There've been, Since then, There've been levels that they've kind of aligned with their father, Which has been like, I'm going like, What the F? Like, I think this is parenthood. No, Really, I do. Really, Because you think, I mean, I was the one holding the whole fort up, And I'm going, And I'm the one, Like, Teaching love and everything, And there's levels that they aligned with their dad, And I'm going like, This goes against everything I've lived with for, Okay? So, I'm like, This is parenthood, And kids have their own dharmas. They've got their own, You know, They've got their own life patterns, They've got their own minds. We just, They're, We rent them for 20 years, Okay, Ma'am? They're rental properties, Really. There's no ownership. Mm-hmm, Right. And you think that this one didn't feel like sorrow. It felt incredible sorrow. Like, You're feeling horrible. It's life. It is. It's life, Yeah. Yeah. Right? And sometimes stuff is unfixable, And just kind of has to be accepted. Yeah, Yeah, I get that. Right, Right. And as you accept it more, You know, Everybody will feel it. Right. I'm afraid of separation of any kind, And the sorrow that goes with it. Right, I know. I mean, That's the, That's working with you. That's what it's like working with you, Michael. It's kind of like, Okay, Let's do it, And then, And the thing is, Michael, This is just like all of us, Okay? Like, It's terrifying for all of us, And so, We just have to be with, You know, Like, We just have to accept our humanness, You know? It's kind of like, Sure, You're scared. It's like, You know, I come down to you guys. It's a moral decision to decide to become braver, Okay? It's a moral decision. You just decide to become braver because, You know, Because you want to serve God, Because you want to serve humanity, You see? So, But you can't force it. So, Sometimes you're scared. I mean, Sometimes I got scared. I mean, I have had my hair standing up on end, And I just soldier on. Like, You're going to have to soldier on, Michael. It's like, So you're scared. You know, Someone like you, You will find your freedom through devotion, Okay? And so, You're devoted to your family, And you're feeling where you got hurt, Where you're being hurt, Okay? So, Take this home, And increase your prayer, And keep asking for guidance. Keep opening to, Okay, Show me. Yeah, Michael, This is life. It is unfixable, You know? People do what they do, And sometimes, You know, People really push away from us, And sometimes they come back, You know? They come back, And they, Yeah, This is just a period. This is most when your sons are wanting to find their own identity, As opposed to just being carbon copies of you. So, Please understand this. If you wanted carbon copies, There are lots of people and families where the kids are carbon copies, And it's all like hunky-dory, Because nobody's being in truth. Do you want that for your kids? No. So, If you want them to be free to be themselves, You know, Then it's messy. It's just going to be messy. Right. Right. Do you see how kind of controlling you've been with this kind of like, I want it this way, And I'm going to get my feelings hurt if it isn't this way? It's like, Hello? Life is with a capital L. Life hurts. The more you just turn to God, Yeah, And love them anyway. Like, Love them anyway. Yeah. You know? What else can we do, Right? Just, Right. Right. And there's nothing to fix. You're okay, Michael. You're just, You're going through a vulnerable patch. Like, You're sick. You know, You're tired from all the work. Things are changing. Yeah. Now, My heart goes out to you, You know? Yeah. So, How do you feel right now? I'm very thankful that I have you, And I realize deep inside, No, I don't realize. I hate that word. I feel, Um, I, The most important thing for me is to open up to myself, Frankly. Whatever happens on the outside, That's the most. So, Do you keep a journal? Yeah. You do? Okay, Good. All right, Good. Yeah. And turn to God more. That's what I feel you need to do. Turn to God more. Open up. God solved everything for me. Okay? So, Right. It does. God energy will give you insights. It will give you more peace. It will just, The more you open up to God, The more you'll, Yeah. I, Like you say, I've been feeling very vulnerable because I've been sick for a couple of weeks, And it's kind of, It's been very difficult to open up to God because I was, You know, I was doing that a lot, And then getting sick, You know, It just kind of overshadows that. Okay, Stop. Okay, There you are. Do you see? Okay, I was opening up to God, But then I got sick. It's like, You know, Like, Oh, Well, I have to protect myself. It's like, Open up more. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah. Do you see how conditional you're being with God? Well, I opened up to God, And now I've gotten sick, And my family hates me. It's like, Open up more. Oh, Yeah. This is what we're like. We're just like little kids who just, We want the chocolate right now. Yeah. Right? You just keep opening up. You take everything, And you open up everything, And open up, And Michael, It's really great that you asked for help, And you are, You've got a humility that lets me, Like, Really, Like, Give it to you straight. So, It's fantastic, You know, What I add up. And if you get really in the soup, You can set up a phone call with me if you really do, Okay? But remember, I will be, Like, Tough. I'll be like, You know, This is life. Yeah. Yeah, Good. Oh, I can feel some warmth coming into your heart. Yes, Some warmth and some acceptance, And yeah, It's okay. You just needed a quick hug. You're okay. You're okay. You're okay. But I'll tell you, Let the, Let the, All the tough things increase your desperation to find God, Okay? Do you see, All the tough things I went through just made my desire for God turbo. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Are you, Do you feel complete, Or is there more? Yeah, Totally. Thank you. Oh, Bless your heart. I'm asking Amma to send special grace to you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh, Well done. Yay. Yay. Yeah, We're all, We're all little kids. We're all just, Yeah, We're all just so vulnerable. Yeah. Good. Thank you, Michael. Congratulations. Medal of honor. Okay. Medal of honor. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, This is very fruitful. I'm happy that we're doing this. I'm really happy we're doing this. Yeah. Okay, Masuda. Please go ahead. Yeah. It's my turn. This has been preparation. I'm cooking. So, Tour's over, As you know, And three days driving back across the country at my mom's house for a few days. I'm so thankful for this satsang and the satsang tomorrow. And then we fly back to Germany, And back in the, Back in the story there. So, I got a, It was about, It was two weeks before coming on tour that my husband and I split. And it was me that spoke the words. It's still, I'm in shock, And it's not at all what I wanted to happen. And, And the motions have been happening, And we live together for those two weeks. And then, Now we don't live together when we go back. And the move has happened, And stuff is in storage, And he's got a place, And we're somewhere else to start. And I got a, I got a message from my mother-in-law yesterday morning. And of course, Big surprise, It triggered me. And I realized that right in that moment, It was even too much for me to feel in process. Some of it came up last night, And I just, I just want to speak it out and see what's there. The part that triggered me the most was that she wrote, He said, He doesn't love you anymore. And I'm just, My head was just running around with, Why would she? Stop, Stop, Stop. So, What exactly are you wanting? Like, What's, What are you wanting? What's your question, Really? Yeah, To be able to, To, To be in the place to go back into this, And be able to, To deal with it, With myself, And with everybody else whose emotions are high. You mentioned to me about being grounded in order to really do this work, And that I need to feel. And, Yeah, I just, There's a lot of confusion there. Yeah, There's a lot of confusion, Yeah. Yeah, And sweetie, Yeah. Okay, There's just a couple of, Okay, You need, Yeah, You're going to have to be careful going back. Yeah, Careful, And careful going back and facing all this, Right? Yeah. But I just want to, One of the challenges working with you is, Sometimes I think you, With your right hand and your left hand, You don't know which each hand is doing, Because I remember at the ashram, You worked with a gentleman who was, And the whole point of the focus was to help you separate and leave your husband. And you told me about this in the ashram. Yeah, And what I felt at the time was that you were telling me this about working with this person, And for this outcome, And I'm thinking, Why is she telling me this? Like, Why doesn't she just settle down and work with me about coming into her heart? You know, This elaborate working with somebody else for having this goal, Setting it, And then telling me about it. And it's like, This web of confusion, Bhavani, Is in my experience of you, Where it's all over the place, Okay? Now, Sweet one, This is not a fault, Okay? It isn't at all. It's like, I have been like this. I understand this. I think most women know what this is like. So, This is not a fault, But I'm wanting to help you out of this web of confusion so you can take more responsibility and see yourself more clearly, See what you're doing. I would really like that. Right. Okay, So first of all, The first step is to realize that in the ashram, Months ago, You did this. So, It has actually happened, Okay? So, It's sort of like the cold water of reality. It's sort of like, Oh, We're all responsible for our actions, And the universe is asking for this, Okay? So, You know, Sweet one, One of the things I've been thinking about you, And I know that you're having to go back and face all this, And, You know, I feel you need some time and space away just to be with yourself. Yeah. Yeah. So, How do you feel about that? Well, To be, To be out, Um, I don't know how much, How possible it is to just be with myself, With my, With my son. I know, I know, I know, I know. I know. I remember when I, With mine, I remember this channel saying to me that it was better that I came into clarity rather than continued, You know, Raising my kid in confusion. Yeah. And this is what's facing you. It's like, You have to come into deep, Internal clarity, Sweetie, In order to be able to raise your son. Otherwise, You know what? He's, Right now, He's, He's desperately trying to help you. He desperately knows that his mom is not in good shape, And he is just doing that, What the innocent males do, Which is they try to, Like, Help. So, He is giving up his soul energy, Basically, To come in and try and help you, And that's not good for him, And it's not really good for you. I don't want that. That's… No, I know. I know you don't want it. It'd be your worst nightmare, Right? Right. Right. It's not a fault. No. Sweetie, It's not a fault. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a fault. It's just that we have to see things. Yeah. So, Is your mom, Are you close to your mom at all? Yes. She's very supportive. She's got her own challenges, Too. She's very supportive. Loving. Okay, Good. Good. Good. Good. So, You're faced with, You have to find a place to stay with your son when you get back to Germany? Is this that you have to rent a place? We have an immediate solution, You know, A place that we can be as soon as we get back, But we don't have a permanent stable, Anything. There have been so many times in my life that I've been in this state, In this situation where basically everything's been taken apart and I'm trying to put together pieces. Right. And I'm feeling, I mean, You were talking about, Yeah, Working with somebody else. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Yeah. I know. And then I stepped out of it, And basically without realizing it, The shift was, I need to end my marriage. It's okay. It's all right. There's no, I'm just highlighting the confusion that you're in, And you need to find a deep clarity. And this has happened before in your life, And I'll tell you, It will happen again unless you find this deep clarity. This is what I'm saying. Bhavani, I was the same way. It kept happening to me, Too. That's why I went for deep clarity, Finally, Because I went, I'm just, I want the answers. I just don't want to screw around. Well, I do. I want that, And I'm also, If it means, I mean, I'm going to have to trudge through where we are right now with the whole situation back in Germany, And if it means telling this person who I was working with, Who I've also paid some money in advance to, That I just keep the money, And I'm not doing it, I'm going to just, Because I want, I know that you're there where it could help, And I— Yeah, No, No, No, No, But don't. Don't. Keep working with the person. Just, It's okay, Sweetie. I was just highlighting when you said, Oh, You know, I'm, He's left me, And it's like, And I'm going like, Well, Look what you did a few months ago. You set in motion this. Like, Sweetie, I am trying to wake you up. I'm going like, Wake up. You can wake up, You can work with this other person. It's fine, But I just want you to wake up. Yes. So, Would you get a job? Would you get a job and support? Is that what you'd expect with, For your son, That you'd get work and support yourself? Well, That's, That's what's in the process right now. Okay. That you've, That that's, That you're, What will your job be? Well, What if the options is to work in, In a, It's a, It's a pension, You know, Like a two-star hotel that's, That's part, Owned by a devotee and run by a devotee right near the German Ashram, And another one is to, Is as a forest priest school. Okay. And how do you feel about these? Um, It, There are better options that have come up in the, In the past. I've, I've had real difficulty finding work that suits, Even if it's just work to pay bills. Right. There's a lot of things there get taken apart too. If I try to trudge through, I'll get fired, And if I get in there and it's like, I, My body won't let me get up and even go to work. It's so something about the energy. I, It's, It's, It's, It's been a thing. Yeah. But look, Look, Okay. So I want you to really get this. It's been a thing because your soul is wanting you to come into integrity. So it will bring you, It will stop you, Right? When you're going the wrong direction. But your problem, Sweetie pie, Is you've got to get your mind around how to walk in integrity more. And your ego wants it the way you want it. And it's like, No, You've got to stop and you've got to like, Listen and take a step and see how it feels. And then listen and take a step. I want this so much. I'm so tired. I know. I know. And you're, You're really not going to like what I'm, What I'm, What I'm going to suggest, Because I think you need some time away. Like, So, You know, Those, I know in Germany, You can go and get eight weeks somewhere. You go somewhere for eight weeks and you get kind of taken care of. And yeah, Sweetie, I think you really need to do this. Yeah, Look, Saskia is nodding her head. It's like, You really, Sweetie, I mean, It's, Yeah, You need space to be able to find yourself to come back to yourself. Really. And my son. There is a possibility to go. I'm so sorry. But there is a possibility what you call is called core. And there is one I did with the kids. It's called mother and child. So you are there and your child, But you have lots of time for yourself and the children will be taken, Or the child in your case will be taken care of. Yay, Germany. Fantastic. It's really good. Hugs. Hugs. Yeah. Yeah, Sweetie. Now listen, The universe will make, Amma will make things possible. You know, If you're sincere, Really. But sweetie, You really need to do this. You need some space. And look, I'm happy to keep working with you, Like to help, To help you. Right. But you need more support than just this. Yeah. Saskia, That's beautiful. Maybe you guys could be in contact with each other. I know about all this. I know about the Mutterkind Kur. And I know Maxi has done one recently. Mary-Lynn The thing is, Bhavani, You need to give over and stop trying to run the show, Because the water's getting higher and higher, Right? You know, You're yelling at people in the creek. It's because this is happening in you. It's like your soul is asking you to come into integrity. So, This pressure isn't going to go. But I know you can do it, Sweetie. And it's a step I had to make. Yeah, You just realize that what you're doing isn't working, And that you're a little corrupt. I mean, Just in the sense of like, Remember me pointing, It's not like a bad thing. You're just corrupt out of because you're trying to save yourself. So, You're trying this and trying that. And yeah, And it's like, You don't, You just actually have to come and bond with yourself, Bond with Amma. Bond, Bond to the truth of you. Just give this, You know, You're like a drowning woman. Give that up and just pray to surrender. Maybe go to the ashram for six months. I don't know. But it still feels to me that you need tender, Loving care. And you will try to resist this, But don't. Do it. Because I'll tell you, You know, When I was, You know, The thing about the loony bin is, Even though nobody understood what I was going through, For the first time in my life, I didn't have to run the show and I didn't have to take care of people to understand. I didn't, I could just be with myself. And it was horrifying, But it was like, I couldn't run from myself anymore. And that saved me. And that's what you need. You need a place where you're held, Where you stop running from yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So how do you feel right now? Open. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's beautiful what you've done. Yeah. That place deep down. I want this so much for me. I know. I want this so much for my son. But you get in the way. You get in the way. This is what I want you to see. You get in the way. So, Yeah, Listen, Sweetie, We do. Everybody here gets in their way. It's not, It's okay. It's just with you. It's just, You're an extremist right now. The universe is saying, Come to God, Basically. I'm saying, Come to mama. It's like, You have to come to your heart, Sweetie, And come into this clarity. And I know you can. I know you can. And nothing else is going to work. If you try to like concrete over this and try and keep going what you're doing, Not going to work. And you will be brought here over and over. You see, This is what we're like. We're like, Oh God, Help me. And then we want, I want it my way. And then that doesn't work. And we go, What's wrong with you, God? What's the matter? You want to fight? It's like, Yeah, We just have to surrender. That's it. Bhavani, This is really good work you've done, Okay? Yeah, It's really good. And, You know, I will keep doing these Saturday satsangs. If you guys want them, They can just keep continuing, Really. Yeah. Yeah, Good work. Yeah. My heart goes out to you, Sweetie, Because I know the levels of pain you're in. Yeah. And just think to yourself, Pramasutra was the same as me. Really, Please, Please do. Please. I recognize myself in you. It's like, It's all good. This is what, You know, It's just good that you're facing this. It's good that you want to move into truth. It's good that you see your son's spiritual heart, His illuminated heart. Yeah. Yeah. You just have to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of him. The mom, If you're on a plane and the plane is crashing, You put the oxygen on your own face first, Then you put it on your children's. It's the same principle. You have to get clear, Which is not being perfect. I'm talking about you have to learn how to evolve more. You just have to learn what the evolutionary walk is. And I'll support you, But you need gender loving care more than I can give you, Like that physical level. Yeah, Okay. Right. I can, Your soul's going, Saying, Your soul's going, I got heard. Your soul's really happy. It's like your soul's telling me that I heard it, Heard her, And I'm reflecting it back to you, And you've heard it more. This is, Ah, Sweetheart. Ah, Blessings. You're beautiful, Beautiful souls, You guys. You're just beautiful souls. Okay. So, Are you okay for now? Yeah, Ah, Sweetheart. This is why I spoke up, Starting with the story on the surface, But just really to get down to it. No, It's okay. It's okay. You will. Relax. Sweetie, You're okay. Your ego's breaking up. You're just in it, And you cannot, It's perfect as it is. Okay. There's no mistake. There's no mistake. It's all good. Okay. Okay. So, It's 9. 36. We've got time for one more question. Is anybody here a commenter? I'd like to come in from Sudha. There I am. Hi, Sweetie. Hi, Guys. Nice to be here. There was a lot said today that I really, Yeah, And from different people shared, But, Not but. I've been going through a lot of pain, A lot of anger, A lot of sadness. I think the last time we spoke, I said to you that I was in this role, And I prayed, And I prayed, And I left the role. Good. And I think we spoke, And it's been mentioned here about the revolving doors. Right. And it's like, There are certain, I just don't want to keep going around in circles anymore. I have no idea where. So, Miriam, What's your question? What's your question? I guess the question is, The pain, And the sadness, And the anger is so intense. I sometimes ask myself if it's going to end. Right. Right. And sweetie, It will end when you surrender. But I find myself having to constantly do that, You know, Surrender, And then surrender again. Sweetie, This one surrenders with every breath. That's kind of what it's like. Basically, It is unfixable except in walking forward in just pure surrender, Like, And asking for guidance every step, And being willing to change, And willing to let go of ego goals, Even. Like, This pain. Okay, Basically, Our souls steer us through pain, Because our soul, Because we're not listening. Our soul will use pain to steer us to get to the point where we listen and follow. And where a lot of you guys are stuck is your soul's giving you pain, And you're going, I want it this way. And it's like, That's not going to work. The pain will get bigger, And bigger, And bigger, Until you go, Okay, I surrender moment to moment. I surrender everything in every moment, And I just go forward as a child of God, Making decisions within each day, Kind of. So, Miriam, When I say that to you, What do you do with it? I hear you, And I agree with you, Because I feel that I am, You know, Everything is falling apart, And it's not within my control, And all I can do is say, What can I do today? You know, And have a willingness, If that's what's supposed to happen, For everything outside of me to fall apart. Right. I can feel in your unconscious, You're walling off some love, Okay? So, I'm saying this, Because this is part of what will melt this block. Okay, It's not like, Oh, I'm doing something wrong. Not at all. It's actually coming up to be released, Okay? Now, You guys, I want you to understand something about the spiritual journey, Is we don't get anywhere until we open up to love in our unconscious, Okay? In your unconscious is both all the patterns from all your lives, And all the resistances, And all the beliefs, And everything, And also in your unconscious is God, Is your access to God. This is how we open the channel to God. It is in our unconscious, Okay? That's why people can, Like, Pray for 60 years, But if they're not allowing that door to open, They don't get anywhere, Okay? So, Okay, This is what's wanting to open in you, Miriam, This connection, A felt connection to God more so that you feel more of that peace, Yeah, And how valuable you are, And this is hard for you, Sweetie. This is part of why it's hard to feel God, Because, You know, You may not feel valuable. Sometimes we don't feel valuable because we're not meeting the outer demands of our culture. You know, The culture says you're okay if you're a billionaire, Right? So, If we're not billionaires, Sometimes we don't feel good about ourselves. Something that I have been a way of mantra of mine at the moment is that I am worthy, And I am valuable inherently without anything outside of myself that, You know, And that's, And so what you said is true, Is that to feel that worthiness and deserving and inherent value in myself without anything outside of myself. Right. So, Yeah, You're right, And you're speaking to me about it very clearly. I mean, You knew it, Right? That's why you started the mantras and everything, The affirmations, And I'm just holding you so that this can let go. You're avoiding a level of kind of pain of your early childhood. Do you know what I mean? You're doing what Michael was doing, Which is kind of putting a box around it, You know, So that it's understandable to somebody, But this process is taking you away from a direct… It's like as if you'd have to cry for like a minute really intensively and the door would open. Do you understand this? Right. You might not want to do it here. You could do it, You know, It, How about we just set in motion that it will happen at the highest good pace in the best circumstances so that you can move through this block in your body. You've moved through it energetically as far as we can work together like this, But there's a part where the penny needs to drop. It needs to drop that I'm, It's like, You know, I'm talking about you, You know, I'm talking to you, But there's a level of the penny needs to drop about how deeply I am doing that, How deeply this one sees you. And I see this block that just is, It's getting thinner and thinner and thinner, And it's to your God self. And then it will be easier for you to be conscious that you are part of God. And this also relates to the rest of you as well. Yeah. So are you confused a little bit about what I'm saying or how do you feel? I feel that I had an experience also this, Over this week, And it is to do with childhood. And I have a part of me that's about, I don't know, In my twenties that took over and said, Excuse my French, Fuck it. I'm going to live life. But all that, All that part of me did was, And it went out and it was partying. It was all things, All things outside of me. All it did was held the other parts of me that were in pain. And it is in pain as well. But it's been that part of me that's been, I'm 21, That's been trying to, I don't know, I don't even know what the word is. So yes, I do. I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying. Yeah. And you know, You're very accurate about yourself and you're also talking about yourself like Michael did. Not in a bad way. This is all good. But it's like there's that step into actually feeling it. And it's like you would crumple in it. You would absolutely crumple in the pain of it. But you're scared to crumple. This one crumpled a lot. That's why I'm so strong, You guys. I'll tell you what, You go crumple into great vulnerability and you ask for God there and your vulnerability turns into invincible strength. That's what happened. Okay? Yeah, You're scared to crumple. See? Right. Right. Of course. Of course you are. Good. Good, Good, Good. You're feeling the love with which I comprehend you. This is good. Yeah, Good. Yeah. This is what's the trouble with everybody. We're scared to really realize that our ego cannot protect us and our ego to realize that we cannot protect ourselves against God, You know? Like God wins. Yeah. Yeah. It's just love wanting to come to you. That's why things aren't working. It's very brave of you to have left the job. It's like, Miriam, I mean like, You're just a jewel, Sweetie. You're just a jewel. I have always seen what a gem you are. Mm. Mm. Yeah. It's just God's wanting to come through more. So, Just you will let this happen. I can actually feel that you're letting you're letting this God energy come through, Actually. I feel it just made through the block. It's sort of like the rays of the sun, The rays of your God self are shining right through the block, And this is what needs to happen. This is what starts the process of the melting. Right. The rays have already gone through. Yeah. It's you feel seen enough that actually your trust has gone up enough that you can imagine that maybe this is true, That there's this love. It's love for you, And there's like, It's as if your concept of God, Like many of us, Is like God sort of, You know, Outside of us, But you are the creator. And how you feel really matters. Thank you. Yeah. Right. Right. It's beautiful. Yeah. Just keep coming for satsangs. We'll do the question and answer. It's like, You guys will, You guys will, The level of questions suggests to me that there's great movement wanting to happen, So I'm like thrilled. Yeah. Remember, You can't do it, Miriam, But something beyond you can do it. Something beyond you can help melt this defense for you, And I'm setting in motion some really powerful angelic assistance as well as asking Amma, But it's this angelic assistance is going to help hold you. I mean, Amma's going to hold you too. You know, Maybe the angels are coming from her, And I just overheard this. I don't know, But you've got like a lot of energetic support for you making the shift. Right. And just feel, And what will happen is you'll be able to see the best kind of work for yourself. It'll just, You know, The scales will fall off your eyes. You know that expression in the Bible or Christ said it, Scales do fall off, And we start being able to see clearly. You know what, Parameshwara, I also agree with that because I think we've got similar life journeys and that, You know, My life journey is one of wanting to take my life of committing suicide, And I know today that that is not an option. As difficult as the pain is, And it was because of pain, Because pain I could not, You know, But it's not today as painful and as challenging as it feels. It's not an option. There is no other way but to, I don't know, See what's on the other side, I hope. Okay. You know, The desire, Just remember the desire for suicide is just the ego wanting to kill the soul. Okay. When you see it like that, Then it's like it starts losing all its power, And you start seeing all this fuss that I'm in is just because my ego's trying to run the show, And I'm not allowed to do this anymore. Your ego is no longer being allowed to run the show, And you're having to listen and respond more deeply to yourself. Okay, I want to go back just with that, You know, When I talked about the overdose and how, You know, When I went off the Tylenol, I would smell Tylenol. I want you to see that it was my desire to find God that brought, It was so sincere that it brought me back into perfect health, And then I got guidance for how to walk the journey. Do you understand? That is how loving it is, And it's us that block it. This is what I'm like with you guys. We don't realize it, But it's our own egos that get in the way, Right? So, You've got this heavy angelic support with you, You know, Heavy in a very light way. You're surrounded. It's like there's a beautiful field around you. I'm seeing a field of wildflowers, And just keep help asking to make the shift. You guys, Don't ask for a job. Ask to make the shift into this bigger understanding, And then the job will manifest. You get the difference? It's like Christ said, Seek ye first the kingdom of God, And all will be brought to you. It's how it works. Yeah, Ask to make the shift. Most important, Make the shift, And then the job will become clear, And at the same time, It will all feel a bit messy, Sweetie. Yeah. It's definitely messy. Yeah, It's like I say, Birth is messy, But you get that little munchkin, So it's worth it all. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Oh, Sweeties, It's pretty late, So we'll have to head off, But thank you for turning up, And I mean, The levels of the questions, I mean, I'm gobsmacked. My hat off, My, Yeah, My great reverence for you, For your willingness and innocence, The reverence for your beings, And for this walk of the, In, You know, The human, Divine walk that we're being asked to do at this time, And what courage it takes, And you guys are just, I'm just feeling you're getting blessed, Okay? I'm, You know, As if, I'm feeling as if Amma's just, Though I can't speak for Amma, But it's just, It's like it just feels all this grace is coming, You know? Yeah, Just grace, Just, Yeah. Huge amounts of grace coming to you, Yeah. Just, Just do your best. It won't be good enough, Okay? And I'll see you tomorrow, Some of you tomorrow, Okay? Okay, Blessings. Bye, Bye.

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