There are times in your life that you're going to come across a situation where you're talking to somebody and you realize that they are being really rude.
And it can be very challenging because I think the tendency is that we internalize it and we start thinking,
What's wrong with me that they are speaking to me like this?
Am I not worthy of respect?
Am I not worthy of love in this moment?
Have I done something wrong?
And it might be anything.
It might be just someone being rude at the grocery store.
It might be that they're just not present even.
It might be like you've said,
Hi,
How are you?
And they've said,
Yes.
Or like they've said,
Oh yeah,
Good.
And you're like,
Oh my God,
This is actually embarrassing.
I've reached out to you and you're not responding.
Or you might be at a party,
You know,
We've all been there and you're like,
Hey,
How are you?
And someone else is like,
I'm actually talking to someone.
You know,
Like they give you the impression that they don't have time for you.
So they're just not being present with you.
And then the other end of the spectrum is they might be yelling at you or actually abusing you and taking something out on you.
And any of those combinations,
Anywhere on that spectrum,
The tendency is to say,
What is wrong with me?
And what I've realized is that most of the time it is not about me.
Whatever's going on for them and whatever they're communicating in that moment has nothing to do with me.
They are in their own head.
They are dealing with something inside their inner world and it's about them.
They're projecting,
They are finding that the voice in their head is so loud that it's spilling out.
So if someone's yelling at me,
I understand that they are yelling at themselves in their own head and it's just,
They're doing it out loud to me.
It's like they're using me as a bouncing board,
As a bucket to spill that stuff into.
And it's been liberating because it's made me understand that it's got nothing to do with my self-worth as a person.
It's actually that they're struggling.
They're having a hard time.
For that stuff to be spilling out,
They are having a hard time,
Not me.
And maybe occasionally or rarely there might be a personal issue where it actually might be about me.
Like say if I've disappointed someone and they're saying,
I was really disappointed in this moment.
If I didn't show up for them for some reason,
It's so rare for that to happen.
But there would be,
I guess,
A space that that could be the option.
But the thing is as well,
That even if I did disappoint them and that they're annoyed at me in this moment,
If they're in a good place in their head,
If they're in a good place in their inner world,
They would be kind and gracious about the situation.
If they're in a good place in their head,
In their mindset,
In their inner world,
They would be able to be kind and gracious about the situation.
So their reaction is still about them.
If they've devolved into screaming or not being present or any kind of rudeness,
That's still about them because they are still listening to that voice in their own head instead of being able to be present and gentle and kind with me.
So in those moments,
It is helpful to just hold space,
Just receive the message that they are sending.
And it might be much deeper than what their words are saying.
Their words might be saying,
This isn't working or I'm not enjoying this.
But what is the whole picture saying?
What are their eyes saying?
What's their facial expression saying?
What's their body language saying?
And the thing that you might receive,
The message you might receive is,
Oh,
This person is having a really hard time right now.
And it just shifts the mood in the room so much when you're coming at them and almost sportscasting and just acknowledging and just saying to them,
Hey,
I can see you're having a really hard time.
Or I can see that you're angry.
And suddenly they feel validated.
They might relax.
They might say,
I'm so sorry I spoke to you that way.
I am actually just really having a hard time.
And then you have another choice there.
So I guess it depends if they keep being rude or keep abusing you,
It's time for you to be in touch with your own boundaries.
And you can say no to being abused.
And you can just very gently,
You don't say that to them,
Just say,
Hey,
I think that it would be best if we talk about this when we're both in a really calm mental state.
So I'm actually going to go.
But if you want to continue this conversation later,
Give me a call in a few days.
So they'll either relax straight away and they'll be able to speak to you and connect to you.
And if not,
If it's still not working,
I can't do this right now.
Let's talk in a few days.
But what you've done is you've brought your own power back to yourself instead of giving it away and saying,
What's wrong with me that this person's being so rude to me?
You know,
Oh,
It's got nothing to do with me.
They're having a hard time.
