Diary Of A Provincial Lady, Chapter 27

Diary of a Provincial Lady, published nearly a hundred years ago by E M Delafield, is a direct ancestor of Bridget Jones' Diary. In tonight's episode, our narrator thoroughly enjoys herself in the South of France with Rose and friends. Her holiday does not pass incident free, of course. Swimming in the sea proves both enjoyable and alarming.

This gentle story of the daily ups and downs of domestic life has been compared with George Grossmith's Diary of a Nobody, also available narrated by me in Free Tracks.

If you would like to listen to the tracks seamlessly, please download the playlist, to which tracks are added as they are published here.

For more diary-style humor, do also try Ted the Shed, narrated by me in Free Tracks.

Transcript

Hello, It's Mandy here. Thanks for joining me tonight and welcome back to Diary of a Provincial Lady by E. M. Dellafield. We've reached chapter 27. I'm going to read you a little bit more from the writings of Rosamund Dashwood who was E. M. Dellafield's daughter. She says one of the best things my mother ever did for us was to buy some little red books with extracts from Shakespeare. There was the trial scene from The Merchant of Venice and A Midsummer Night's Dream and we used to have family readings of them. My mother particularly fancied her rendition of The Quality of Mercy speech and my father was surprisingly funny as this be with a little high squeaky voice. The great thing about this was that by the time I went to school Shakespeare was an old friend and I was very surprised to find that the other girls at my school had never even heard of him, Still less read him. So before I go ahead tonight please feel free to make yourself really comfortable. Settle down into your chair or your bed, Relax your hands, Release your shoulders and soften your jaw. That's great. So if you're ready then I shall begin. July the 23rd. Cannot avoid contrasting deliriously rapid flight of time when on a holiday with very much slower passage of days and even hours in other and more familiar surroundings. Memo. This disposes once and for all of fallacy that days seem long when spent in complete idleness. They seem on the contrary very much longer when filled with ceaseless activities. Rose always so gifted in discovering attractive and interesting friends is established in circle of gifted and in some cases actually celebrated personalities. We all meet daily on the rocks and bathe in the sea. Temperature and surroundings very very different to those of English Channel or Atlantic Ocean and consequently find myself emboldened to the extent of quite active swimming. Cannot however compete with Viscountess who dives or her friend who has unique and very striking method of doing backfall into the water. I'm indeed led away by spirit of emulation into attempting a dive on one solitary occasion and I'm convinced that I have plumbed the depths of the Mediterranean have doubts in fact of ever leaving it again but on enquiring of extremely kind spectator famous headmistress how I went in she replies gently about level with the water she thinks and we say no more about it. July the 25th Vicki writes affectionately but briefly mademoiselle at greater length and quite illegibly but evidently full of hopes that I am enjoying myself I'm touched and send each a picture postcard. Robin's letter written from school arrives later and contains customary allusions to boys unknown to me also information that he has asked two of them to come and stay with him in the holidays and has accepted an invitation to spend a week with another. Postscript adds straightforward inquiry have I bought any chocolates yet? I do so forthwith. July the 26th observe in the glass that I look ten years younger than on arrival here and I'm gratified. This moreover in spite of what I cannot help viewing as perilous adventure recently experienced in temporarily choppy sea in which no one but Roses Viscountess attempts to swim. She indicates immense and distant rock and announces her intention of swimming to it. I say I will go too. Long before we're halfway there I know I shall never reach it and hope that Robert's second wife will be kind to the children. Viscountess swimming calmly says am I alright? I reply oh quite and I'm immediately submerged. Query is this a judgment? Continue to swim. Rock moves further and further away. I reflect that there will be something distinguished about the headlines announcing my demise in such exalted company and mentally frame one or two that I think would look well in local paper. I'm just turning my attention to paragraph in our parish magazine when I hit a small rock and I'm immediately submerged again. Mysteriously rise again from the foam though not in the least as I know too well like Venus. Death by drowning said to be preceded by mental panorama of entire past life. Distressing reflection which very nearly causes me to sink again. Even one recollection from my past if injudiciously selected disconcerts me in the extreme and cannot at all contemplate an entire series. Suddenly perceive that space between myself and rock has actually diminished. Viscountess who has kept near me and worn slightly anxious expression throughout achieves it safely and presently find myself grasping at sharp projections with tips of my fingers and bleeding profusely at the knees. Perceive that I have been as they say spared. Memo must try and discover for what purpose if any. I'm determined to take this colossal achievement as a matter of course and merely make literary reference to Byron swimming the Hellespont which would sound better if said in less of a hurry and when not obliged to gasp and spit out several gallons of water. Minor but nerve-wracking little problem here suggests itself. What substitute for a pocket handkerchief exists when seabathing? Can conceive of no occasion except possibly funeral of nearest and dearest when this homely little article more frequently and urgently required. Answer when it comes anything but satisfactory. I say that I'm cold which is true and shall go back across the rocks. Viscountess with remarkable tact does not attempt to dissuade me and I go. July the 27th end of holiday quite definitely in sight and everyone very kindly says why not stay on. I refer in return to Robert and the children and add though not allowed the servants the laundry the Women's Institute repainting the outside of Bath and the state of my overdraft. Everyone expresses civil regret at my departure and I go so far as to declare recklessly that I shall be coming back next year which I well know to be unlikely in the extreme. Spend last evening sending picture postcards to everyone to whom I've been intending to send them ever since I started. July the 29th London return journey accomplished under greatly improved conditions traveling first-class in company with one of Rose's most distinguished friends. Should much like to run across Lady B by chance in Paris or elsewhere but no such gratifying coincidence supervenes. She'll take care however to let her know circles in which I've been moving crossing as tempestuous as ever and again have recourse to an Austrian army with same lack of success as before. Boat late train even more so last available train for West of England has left Paddington long before I reach Victoria and I'm obliged to stay night in London. Put through long-distance call to tell Robert this but line is as usual in a bad way and all I can hear is what? As Robert on his side can apparently hear even less we do not get far. I find I have no money in spite of having borrowed from Rose. Expenditure as invariably happens has exceeded estimate but confide all to secretary of my club who agrees to trust me but adds rather disconcertingly as it's for one night only. July the 30th readjustment sometimes rather difficult after absence of unusual length and character. To be continued

Reviews

So amusing! Our lady’s swimming skills on a par with her tennis game 🤣. And chuckled when she hopes the second wife will be kind to the children. But glad she got to take a well earned vacation. Thanks Mandy 🙏🏻