Just Be

How much energy do we spend trying to be understood?
In this reflective talk, I explore the freedom that comes from letting go of the need to convince others of who you are. We look at how everyone sees us through the lens of their own experiences- and why their perception doesn't define our worth.
If you've ever felt misunderstood, struggled with people-pleasing, or found yourself over-explaining, this talk offers a gentle reminder to return to self-trust. Rather than seeking validation from others, you'll be invited to embrace authenticity, release what isn't yours to carry, and remember that you are already enough.

Transcript

So I was talking with someone recently and we were discussing the concept of sense of self and knowing who you are or the concept of who you are. And something I've struggled with a lot over the years is feeling like I know who I am, Or like I'm finally really getting to know who I am, And then somebody else perceives who I am in another way that doesn't match that, That doesn't feel true to who I feel that I am. And this is really difficult for me. I have a very strong sense of justice and fairness. And in those moments, It hurts. It feels unfair. And my first inclination is to want to speak up for my, Quote, Self. Explain. Overexplain. Try to get people to understand. But what I've been learning is if somebody is committed to misunderstanding you, Or rather the you that you perceive you are, The you that you want to be or are trying to be, There is nothing you can say or do that will cause them to change their minds. There's no amount of over-explaining or rationalizing or giving context that will get them to stop and be like, Actually, Yeah, You're right. I see you in this other light now. Maybe it's possible, But the likelihood of that is very slim, And it's not something that we should put a lot of weight or time or precious energy into. And that being said, How that person is acting towards us and feeling about us is their way of perceiving the misalignment as well. So in the same way that we feel misaligned with them, Their behavior is only further reinforcing that it is a mutual misalignment. So it's something we shouldn't be trying to align ourselves with. People that aren't meant for us or aren't gonna serve our lives. And radically accepting the reality that for whatever reason, We are not serving their lives either. It's easy to get into the ego of feeling like, But I'm a great person, I'm kind, I'm all of these things, And why does this person not see that? And it's a trap. When you go down that road of having your energy be siphoned by these people or situations, You're losing that sense of self. You're losing that power because you're giving it up to somebody else. You're putting it in their hands. And it's also a way that insecurity speaks up. Because if you're truly secure in who you are. You shouldn't feel the need to explain. You should just be. And those that get it will fall into place and stay in your life, And you won't have to rationalize or explain who you are. We all make mistakes. Nobody is going to be perfect. And if you do something to hurt another, Yes, Of course, Apologize, Try to make it better. That's not what I'm talking about here. The other piece of it that has released a lot of pressure for me is that our sense of self or who we are only exists in other people's minds and in our own minds. There is no universal you because everyone is going to filter their perception of you based on so many variables. And sometimes you can treat them as amazingly as you can and give and give and give and it's never going to be seen through the lens that you're wanting it to be seen in. Is going to be seen through their lens. And their lens is influenced by so many factors. Their upbringing, Their traumas, What they're available for in relation to you, The capacity they have. Because maybe they like the idea of you, But they lack the capacity or the emotional intelligence to be able to accept a person or an energy like you. And it doesn't have to mean anything negative about you. It can just be neutral. That is their experience of you that's tied to their lens and their view of the world. It does not have to be personal. I'm really working on releasing that concept that people need to have this universal perception of me that I have of myself because it's never going to happen. Even people that love us and are in our lives each have a different perception of us that is fully unique. So it's not just that someone doesn't see who I am or thinks I'm a bad person. Because even the people that love us and think we're great are going to have different opinions and feelings about aspects of us. And that's okay. The more we lean into making things feel neutral and not personal, And taking our strength back instead of giving it away to somebody else who's not really on our frequency, The stronger we're going to be in ourselves, And the more we're going to grow our confidence. It'll allow us to be able to show up fully as who we want to be, Regardless of who anyone else thinks that we are. The key is focusing on who you want to be and when you feel the best in how you treat others and how you see the world. So that's what's been on my heart lately, And I hope that somebody can find some solace or comfort or inspiration from that. Just know that you are worthy. You're worthy of all the love, All the good things, All of what you desire in this life. You're worthy just as you are. You don't have to prove yourself to yourself. You don't have to prove yourself to anybody else. You can just be. You can just exist. And trust that that is enough. You don't have to be more or do better. You can just relax.