Healing After An Argument, A Couples Meditation

A guided pause for right after the hard moment, when you're both still raw, but ready to reconnect.
A few minutes to soften what the argument stirred up, without rushing to fix or explain.
Space to come back to each other as people first, before you come back to the problem.
Not about who was right, about finding your way back to safety together.

Transcript

Healing after an argument. Especially one that did not get repaired. One of the things. That I want you to do. Is truly get quiet with yourself. Notice what you're feeling. Notice where you feel it in your body. And I want you to ask yourself, What's the story you're telling yourself right now? I don't matter. I'm not important. They don't love me. I'm not safe. Really identify. What that story is. This is important. Because this is your go-to story. If you need to close your eyes and scan your body. What are you feeling? Where are you feeling it? What's the story you're telling yourself? And as you identify, Those feelings. Recognize the action you want to take. Are you wanting to lash back? Are you wanting to shut down? Are you wanting to prove that you're right? Just be honest with yourself. Really acknowledge. What you want to do. In this agitated state. In this unrepaired state. Identify. What are you scared of? Are you scared of losing the relationship? Are you scared of me? Continuing to feel alone. Ask yourself, What is it that you're really wanting? After an argument. One of the things that can happen is building more of a case. You can get angrier as you rehearse the conversation. I don't want you to rehearse the conversation. In order to build your case. I want you to evaluate the conversation. What could you have done better? What piece did you miss? Where didn't you show up? Is there a boundary that needs to be set? Is there an apology that needs to be made? You see, After an argument, If you stay in that reactive state, It makes it so much more difficult to come back and repair. And what repair looks like is to come together. Owning each of your parts. Saying you're sorry for the parts that you should own. And making sure that you really hear what the other person is saying. When you've been together a long time, It's easy to anticipate what they're already going to say. But I want you to see them from a different perspective. I want you to look at them. And see their wounds. See their hurt. Because as you make it safe to see their hurt, It makes it safer for them to see it for you too. That's why we are you. That's why we react. Every single time. Is because it comes from a womb. It's time to repair it. Silence will never work. Being right or wrong will never work. So calming your nervous system. Calm your mind. And ask yourself. What's the real issue I'm upset about? What is it that I'm really needing? And from that place. Imagine how you can approach the conversation different. As you go into it to truly help each other heal. To truly reconcile. To truly repair. And notice the difference that you feel. Coming from a more honest mind. Authentic. Grounded place. Not the reactive place. Take another deep breath. Open your eyes. And approach the conversation from this place. It will make all the difference in the world.