Three Steps Of Change

This talk explores how real growth begins in the unknown,through certainty, self-inquiry, and individuation. We touch on the “upper-limit” problem and how to step out of stagnation toward your nameless, deeper self.

Transcript

Like in every meditation you say, I wonder if I can just go a little further. I wonder what's beyond that feeling. Like some people in meditation, They pull the rope just as they're about to go much deeper. They pull the string and come back to the ego. But if you're the kind of person that says, You know, I just, I really, I'm thrilled by stepping into unknowns. In anything. In a relationship. Money-wise. As far as your capabilities. What is the end of meditation? What does that mean? Is there an end to it? What about self-exploration? What about courage? That's a good one. Courage and faith. There's no ceiling. You can just keep going. But you have the kind of mind that enjoys defying fear and getting to know more and more unknowns. So a very blunt report I'm going to give you. Those who are going to go to the highest levels of growth until your dying day. It'll be the few people who really enjoy stepping into unknowns. You know, Depression comes from stagnation. If you look at nature, The part of the river that doesn't move becomes rotted. And you have mosquito eggs in it and it starts to smell. So any part of life that doesn't move is going to get depressed. If you believe that this close to you, There's another self, Then that's very enthusing. Because you believe that that person's there. For 25 years I've worked with people, Sometimes one-on-one. I'll tell you the three things necessary for somebody to make big changes in their life. Number one, They've got to believe that they're, Let's say if your name is Victor, You really have to believe in your heart that there is another Victor right at your side who is fully alive and ready to take the steering wheel. So if I'm working with you and I don't convince you that there really is another Victor, You won't take a step. It'll be too scary. So that's step one. Do you really believe, I mean without any exaggeration, That there is another you this close and all you've got to do is tap into it? If you believe that that's very far away, You're not going to be motivated to do anything. So that's step one. Step two, Once you decide that there is another Victor of a different flavor, Then the next step is for you to actually walk the street with this assumption that I'm already on my way. You know, In quantum physics and spirituality, They say that the language that this God force understands is certainty. In other words, You don't have the proof in your pocket, But you're already walking the street with the full assumption that you're already on your way. To the ego, That feels like craziness. You know, It's like, Let's say you want to open up the biggest yoga studio in the eastern United States and you haven't done it yet, And you're walking in the street like this, Like you're already in that studio. To the ego, It's a kind of craziness. Or some people may look at you and say, What's wrong with this fellow? It's as if he's in his own world. But then you read biographies of great big people, And many of them were walking around with this certainty that it's already done. So number one, You've got to suspect that there's another you this close. Number two, If you don't demonstrate certainty, Then the God force doesn't cooperate. So what I'm saying is not too strange. Again, You read the life stories of people who've done big things, And they're walking around as if they're already on their way. This is not even a motivational talk. This is you being certain that you're on your way to the next step. And then the third one, Which many people have problems with, The third one is you do all this great work, And the reward is on its way, But you don't show up for that day to gather your harvest. So a lot of people get very, Very nervous on the day that you're about to get your reward. So you may ask yourself one question because we're talking about self-knowledge. Ask yourself if you tend to get into a very strong self-sabotaging behavior on the weeks or on the days when you're about to collect your highest reward. It's called your upper limit problem. Most people can't stand supreme happiness. Everybody's trying to get to happiness. They don't realize that they have a ceiling, So they start to sabotage. We're talking about enthusiasm. One big area that brings you enthusiasm is knowing yourself completely. And please don't be mad if you find some weakness in yourself. That doesn't mean anything. Yoga says if you find jealousy in yourself, So what? That's just your ego. And yoga says you're not your ego. The breath that comes into you doesn't have a name. It doesn't have a social security number. It's just life. Like that one is not named Martin. Doesn't have a name. Sometimes we lose excellent students because they find something in themselves, And they get really insulted. I say look, You're not your weakness. That's just, It's like if you're digging for diamonds, You're going to go through mud also. So don't get upset at mud. It's just going to come up. It's one aspect. Yoga is very clever in doing one thing. Yoga constantly separates the real you from the personality you. Yoga says the breath that comes into you is life. And that one doesn't have a name. It doesn't have a birth date. It doesn't have a passport. That one is pure life. And yoga is clever. It keeps saying that's you. So if you find jealousy, That's not you. That's another part of you. It's a different part. It's not the real. Let's talk about individuation. We're still talking about enthusiasm. Individuation. Individuation means that you cut your umbilical cord from your parents. In other words, If I ask you to fill out a table, It says dad's personality, Mom's personality, My personality. How similar would the third column be to the first two columns? If you're living exactly the personality of your parents, You haven't individuated. So you could be a very adult-looking person, But as you and I start to talk with each other, We realize that you're still under the mold of the parents. So you haven't become your own person yet. There's no judgment in this. You can't possibly have enthusiasm if you're being somebody else. Let's put it more bluntly. For as long as you're faking it, You can't possibly have true enthusiasm. In other words, You're being mom. You're being dad. Let's say you had a very powerful granddad. You must find your own power. If you don't find your own power, It could be at any level. We don't care about the level. You could be a fisherman in the Bahamas and be in absolute joy. But you must find yourself as separate from mom, Dad, And society. If you do come from a well-to-do family, Your challenge is that much greater because you have all this overhead around you. How do you individuate? What if you have a big nose and every TV channel is showing nose jobs? Is it possible for you to love your nose? That's part of individuation. Must we have all noses looking the same? Individuation. If you look around, You see that the people who have the truest level of happiness are individuated. They like their nose. They like their own job. They like their own life. And they're not people pleasers.