What if someone had told you as a teenager?
That so much of your suffering comes from basing your happiness on things that are completely out of your control.
I wish someone had told me that.
Because if I'm honest,
Most of my teens and into my 20s.
Were pretty much about trying to do what I thought other people wanted me to do.
It can even feel like chasing happiness through other people.
You know those moments where you're waiting for him to text you back and then you're happy?
Or if the new friend approves of you,
Then you're feeling okay?
Back then,
If I got the grade,
Or if I was offered the job,
Or I received a compliment,
Then I felt good.
But when those things didn't happen,
I would end up telling myself stories about not being enough,
Or not being lovable,
Or somehow always being behind.
Here's the truth I learned the long way.
When we make our happiness dependent on somebody else,
Their behavior,
Their mood,
Their approval,
It's like we hand over the keys to our own well-being.
And then we wonder why we feel powerless.
What if you were the only one responsible for your own sense of love?
For me,
I've discovered that's where happiness hatches.
Not in someone else's smile,
Not in their approval,
Not in circumstances lining up just right.
But in that steady,
Renewable energy.
Inside of me.
I remember a time when my husband was going through a really heavy season in our lives together.
For a long time,
He was moody,
Withdrawn,
And distant.
To be honest,
I felt myself shrinking.
Kind of taking it personally,
And we were just getting more and more distant.
Until one day I asked.
What if this isn't about me at all?
What if I hold on to my center,
No matter what kind of storm he's in?
This shift didn't just give me peace.
It actually gave our relationship breathing room.
Because when I stop demanding He be my source of happiness,
My steady ground,
You know that feeling,
If you're okay,
I'm okay?
By letting that go.
I could show up kinder.
Steadier.
More loving.
That's what happens when you stop outsourcing your joy.
You stop pulling from everyone else and start radiating from inside.
So maybe no one told you in your teens.
Maybe you're only learning this now.
That's okay.
You can start here.
And ask yourself right now.
Where am I handing over the keys to my happiness?
And what would it look like to take them back?
What's one place you've been outsourcing your happiness?
And maybe you'd like a space to practice holding your center.
While the person you love is wobbly.
Holding steady while a friendship changes.
Staying in that center,
Connected in love.
