A Break From Self-Improvement

Our relationship with ourselves cannot be based solely on self-improvement; at some point, we have to become a version of ourselves we're allowed to enjoy being.
In life and in meditation, many of us find ourselves on an unrelenting endeavor to become better people. Growth, learning, and change can be healthy and beneficial. But often, we take our self-improvement efforts too far - rejecting ourselves as we are right now and creating pressure that leads to stress and unfulfillment.
Though often described as a means of self-improvement, mindfulness is actually the opposite. At its core, mindfulness asks us only to be with ourselves and the world around us just as we are right now. In this practice, we will focus on the breath and close with a brief body scan - remembering that there is nothing to change and nothing to do, other than be with ourselves in the present moment.

Transcript

Hello and welcome. This is Jen, And I'm so glad you're here. I saw a post on social media recently that said something like, Your relationship with yourself cannot be solely based on self-improvement. At some point, You have to become a version of yourself that you're just allowed to enjoy being. And that really resonated with me. I mean, I definitely fall into the category of. . . Feeling like there are a lot of things that I need to fix or change about myself. I have a lot of ways that I would like to be different in the future. My whole life I've been a perfectionist. So I'm always wanting to change, Wanting to grow and evolve. And a lot of people that I know are like this also. You may be like this. And it is not necessarily problematic. And it obviously in some ways is a very good thing to want to learn. To develop. To find new tools and strategies and ways of being that are healthier. For us and the people around us. So it's not to say that we should not ever try to change. But this sort of unrelenting. Efforting, And pressure that we put on ourselves to be different. Can be exhausting and honestly a bit unhealthy in its own right. So in reflecting on this post, I was also thinking about how. Mindfulness and meditation are often in mainstream media and culture described as a means of self-improvement. Right? When we meditate, We are going to become some version of ourselves that is more present. That is better able to engage in relationships. That is. You know, Closer to enlightenment or whatever it is. But really at the crux of it, That's not what mindfulness is. Mindfulness, In fact, Is really only about. Being aware of what is present in the current moment in your direct experience. It is not about efforting to try to change yourself. In any way. Sometimes over time when we practice mindfulness and we get more practice with presence. Just being in the current moment of our lives that can open things up for us, That can lead to various types of change. But it's different from trying to change ourselves. So win this practice today! Let's just dance. Bee. Let's not try to become. Someone else. Let's just be. Let's begin by getting comfortable. In our chair. Or standing if you wish, But if you are sitting, Just finding yourself in a comfortable posture. Sitting upright but not too rigid. And then gently closing the eyes or softening the gaze. Just noticing what it's like to be here, Sitting or standing. Really noticing any points of contact between our bodies and the chair. Or the floor or the cushion. Maybe noticing the support of the surface below us. Sense of gravity. Just aware of the posture that we're in. Maybe any sensations in the body. And then shifting our awareness. To our own breath. Importantly, Not trying to change it at all. Not breathing in any special kind of way. Just noticing how is the breath now. Is it deep or shallow? Is it fast or slow? How is it now? Just gently keeping our attention. On the breath naturally as it arises. Feeling the sensation of breathing in. The sensation of breathing out. If it's supportive to you, Maybe counting the breaths. As a way to keep focus. One with the in-breath, Two with the out-breath. Continuing like that until you reach 10. And then starting over at 1. Just gently maintaining our focus on our own breath. Remembering that there is nothing else to do. There's nothing we need to change. We only need to be here. As we sit. The mind will inevitably wander. Just noticing when it does that. Maybe labeling what the mind is doing, Whether it's planning, Remembering. Worrying. Just placing that light label and then bringing the attention right back to the breath. Maybe noticing where we feel it most strongly. At the tip of the nose where the air enters the body. In the back of the throat. In the expanding and contracting of the chest. In the belly. In the back body. Just noticing what it's like. This body breathing. In this moment. How is the breath now? How does it feel? What is it like? Remembering there is nothing to change. Nothing to change in this moment about our breath. Or anything else. Knowing that every time the mind drifts off, And we notice it. And gently bring it back to the breath. That's awareness. That's our practice. And as we get closer to the end of our practice, Just opening the awareness a bit. Back to the whole body. Maybe doing a quick body scan. Starting with the toes, The feet. Again, Remembering there is nothing to change. Nothing to do. But be with our direct experience. So noticing what's present as we move up to the ankles. The lower legs. The knees. The upper legs. The hips and the sit bones. The belly and the lower back. The mid-back. The chest. The sides of the body, The shoulders. Down through the upper arms, The elbows. The forearms, The hands, And the fingers. Up through the neck. The back of the head. The sides of the head. All the parts of the face. All the way up through the crown of the head. Just noticing what's present in our bodies. With nothing to change, Nothing to do. In a moment. I will ring the bell three times, Which will signify the end of our practice. Just remembering that. When we sit to meditate. There is nothing to do. Nothing to change. Except be with the present moment. Exactly as it is and be with ourselves exactly as we are. We don't have to have a relationship with ourselves that is focused only on self-improvement. We are allowed to be a version of ourselves that we enjoy being. Thank you for your practice.