Why You Talk Yourself Out Of Your Calling

If you've ever felt this quiet but persistent pull towards something.

A life that feels more meaningful.

Work that actually matters.

A version of yourself that's bigger and more alive than the one you're currently living.

And then immediately follow that feeling with a hundred reasons why it's not realistic,

Or not the right time,

Or probably just your ego talking,

Etc.

Then this video is for you.

We're going to talk about what that poll actually is,

Why we're so good at talking ourselves out of it,

And how to finally start taking it seriously.

There's this quiet feeling.

Maybe you've experienced it too.

It's not loud.

It doesn't announce itself dramatically.

It's more like a gentle pull underneath the surface of everyday life.

Underneath the routines,

The responsibilities,

The version of life that makes sense on paper,

A persistent feeling that there's got to be something more you're supposed to be doing.

Something bigger you're supposed to be moving toward,

A version of yourself that's more fully alive,

More genuinely expressed,

More deeply in alignment with something true in you that hasn't quite found its full outlet yet.

And then almost immediately,

Almost automatically.

Other boys shows up.

Who do you think you are?

You're not ready.

You're not qualified.

Other people do this better than you.

Don't be so spoiled.

What if he failed?

What if you're too much?

What if you tried and it turns out you were wrong about the whole thing?

And just like that.

That pole.

Slow us down.

You go back to the reasonable life.

And you tell yourself you'll think about it later.

When the timing is better,

When you feel more ready,

When you have more evidence that it's real.

Sound familiar?

I want to start by talking about what that poll actually is.

Because I think we've been taught to be suspicious of it in ways that don't serve us.

We live in a culture that's simultaneously obsessed with purpose.

And deeply skeptical of anyone who claims to feel called to something.

On one hand,

We're told to find our passion.

Follower calling,

Liver purpose.

On the other hand,

The moment we actually feel something like that,

We're warned not to be ambitious.

Too full of ourselves,

Too convinced of our own significance.

So we end up in this exhausting middle place.

Feeling something real and then immediately accusing ourselves for feeling it.

But here's what I want to offer you as a different way of looking at it.

The calling isn't about significance.

It's about alignment.

It's not the universe telling you that you're special or chosen or more important than other people.

It's something much quieter and more specific than that.

It's the felsets.

Sometimes clear,

Sometimes just a whisper.

That there is a particular way your specific combination of experiences,

Capacities,

Wounds,

And gifts want to move through the world.

A particular contribution that feels like yours to make.

Not because you're the only one who can make it.

But because it's the one that's most deeply,

Most honestly,

Most genuinely aligned with who you actually are.

That's what a calling is,

Not ambition,

Not ego,

Just the most honest version of yourself pointing toward this most natural expression.

So how do you tell the difference between a genuine calling and ego?

Because I think that question,

That fear of being delusional or self-important,

Is one of the main things that keeps people stuck.

Here's what I've noticed and learned through my own experiences and growth.

Ego tends to be loud and urgent.

It's concerned with how things look from the outside.

It's motivated by comparison,

By wanting to be more than,

Better than,

More recognized than.

It needs an audience.

It's restless and dissatisfied in a grasping kind of way.

It's built on fear and scarcity.

Calling.

Tends to be quieter.

More persistent than urgent.

It's not particularly concerned with how it looks.

In fact,

Genuine calling often asks you to do things that feel vulnerable and exposed rather than impressive.

It doesn't need to be anyone.

It's motivated,

Not by comparison,

But by contribution.

By the sense that something wants to move through you and into the world,

Regardless of whether it makes you look impressive or not.

And perhaps most tellingly,

Ego feels like chasing something external.

Calling feels like returning to something internal.

Like coming home to a version of yourself that has been there all along.

Waiting patiently for you to stop being afraid of it.

Now let's talk about why so often we talk ourselves out of it.

Because the self-doubt isn't random.

It has a specific shape and a specific source,

And understanding it changes everything.

The most common reason people suppress their calling is a laziness.

Or lack of ambition.

It's a deep and usually unconscious fear of being too much.

To visible.

Too convinced of your own importance.

Too likely to fail publicly,

Too far outside the life that feels safe and familiar and approved of by the people whose opinion you've been carrying.

Like your parents or significant others.

And underneath all of that,

If you go deep enough,

There's usually an even older fear.

The fear that if you fully show up,

If you stop playing small and actually step into the version of yourself that the calling is pointing toward,

You might be rejected.

Not your work.

The real,

Fully expressed,

Nothing-held-back version of you.

That fear is not irrational,

Okay?

It's actually a very logical response to a lifetime of learning.

In one way or another,

That being too much is dangerous,

That shrinking is safer,

That fitting in is more reliable than standing out.

But here's what that fear costs you.

And I want you to really sit with us.

Every time you talked yourself out of the college.

Every time you choose the same version over the true version.

You're not just delaying something.

Your practice exam.

You're rehearsing,

One more time,

The identity of someone who doesn't trust themselves.

Someone whose gifts are too risky to fully deploy.

Someone who is waiting for permission that is never,

Ever going to come from outside.

And that practice accumulates.

Just like every other practice we've talked about,

Until the gap between who you are and who you're called to be starts to feel like the normal state of things,

Rather than something worth closing.

So what does it actually look like to start taking the calling seriously?

Not necessarily quitting your job tomorrow or blowing up your life.

I mean,

You can,

If that's truly what you feel called to do.

I've done that more than once.

But here's the thing,

Sometimes it was a genuine leap of faith.

And sometimes,

It was really just my ego dressed up as following my calling.

So you've got to use discernment there,

Okay?

Here's where you start.

Stop actively suppressing the most honest signal you have about who you're becoming.

It starts with separating the calling from the plan.

One of the biggest mistakes I see,

And one I've made myself,

Is that the moment we feel called to something,

We immediately try to figure out the entire path or have a whole business plan in place.

How it would work,

How we'd make money from it,

What people would think,

Whether we have all the necessary qualifications.

And because we can't answer all of those questions immediately,

We conclude that the calling is impractical.

And set it aside.

But the calling.

Doesn't need a complete plan to be worth honoring.

It just needs your attention.

Your willingness to take it seriously as a signal rather than dismissing it as a fantasy.

So start there.

Stop dismissing it.

Let yourself sit with it.

Stay curious.

Ask it questions instead of immediately prosecuting it.

What is this actually pulling me towards?

What would it look like to move one degree in this direction?

Not the whole journey,

Just one degree.

Starting now.

I also want to say something about ready.

My favorite topic.

Because I'm Not Ready Yet is one of the most reliable ways we keep ourselves from the calling indefinite.

Here's the truth about readiness that took me far too long to really accept.

You will never,

Almost never feel ready.

Not fully.

Not in the way you're imagining.

That clear,

Certain,

Confident feeling of knowing you have everything you need,

And the timing is perfect,

And the risk feels manageable.

That feeling doesn't precede the call.

It follows it.

It's built through the doing,

Not the preparing.

Through the imperfect,

Uncertain,

Sometimes terrifying act of actually moving toward the thing,

Rather than waiting until you feel equipped enough to start.

The readiness you're waiting for.

You practice your way into it.

Which means the only way to get there is to begin.

Before you feel ready.

And yes,

That is scary.

I won't pretend it isn't.

Stepping towards something that matters deeply to you,

Before you feel certain,

Before you have all the answers,

Before you know how it's going to turn out,

That requires a particular kind of courage that doesn't feel heroic in the moment.

It just feels like showing up anyway.

But that's showing up.

That consistent though imperfect kind of showing up is exactly what identity is made of.

Which brings us back,

As it always does,

To the same fundamental truth.

You're not who you think you are.

You are who you keep choosing to be.

And every time you choose the calling over the fear,

Even in the smallest,

Most unglamorous way.

You are becoming someone who does that.

Someone who trusts themselves,

Someone who shows up for the life they're actually meant for,

Rather than the one that just feels safe.

So let me ask you something.

What is the thing you keep feeling pulled toward and talking yourself out of?

Not the grand version.

Not the fully formed plan.

Just a quiet hum.

The thing that keeps coming back no matter how many times you set it aside.

The version of yourself that feels just slightly too alive,

Too visible,

Too much like the real you to feel entirely safe.

What if that's not your ego?

What if that's just you,

The most honest,

Most aligned,

Most generally yourself version of you?

Trying to get your attention.

And what if the only thing standing between you and that version of yourself is the willingness to stop talking yourself out of it.

You don't have to have it figured out.

You don't have to feel ready.

You just have to stop saying no to the thing that keeps quietly,

Persistently saying yes.

Thank you so much for being here.

Next time,

We're going to talk about how to show up before you feel ready.

It's one of my favorite conversations and I think you're going to want to be here for it.

Until then,

Trust the polls.

And know something.

Now,

Go be yourself.