Bedtime Tale: Jack The Dullard

Tonight I am reading, Jack the Dullard, by Hans Christian Andersen. This dark, classic story is perfect for adults or children who love adventure and imaginative concepts. Allow this reading to help relax you and fall into a deep, restorative sleep.

Transcript

Jack the Dullard,

An Old Story Told Anew by Hans Christian Andersen Far in the interior of the country lay an old maronal hall,

And in it lived an old proprietor who had two sons,

Which two young men thought themselves too clever by half.

They wanted to go out and woo the king's daughter,

For the maiden in question had publicly announced that she would choose her husband,

That youth who could arrange his words best.

So these two geniuses prepared themselves a full week for the wooing.

This was the longest time that could be granted them,

But it was enough,

For they had had much preparatory information,

And everybody knows how useful that is.

One of them knew the whole Latin dictionary by heart,

And three whole years of the daily paper of the little town into the bargain,

And so well,

Indeed,

That he could repeat it all either backwards or forwards,

Just as he chose.

The other was deeply read in the corporation laws,

And knew by heart that every corporation ought to know,

And accordingly he thought he could talk of affairs of state,

And put his spoke in the wheel in the council.

And he knew one thing more,

He could embroider suspenders with roses and other flowers,

For he was a tasty,

Light-fingered fellow.

I shall win the princess,

So cried both of them.

Therefore their old papa gave to each of them a handsome horse.

The youth who knew the dictionary and newspaper by heart had a black horse,

And he who knew all about the corporation laws received a milk-white steed.

Then they rubbed the corners of their mouths with fish oil,

So that they might become very smooth and glib.

All the servants stood below in the courtyard,

And looked on while they mounted their horses.

And just by chance the third son came up,

For the proprietor had really three sons,

Though nobody counted the third with his brothers,

Because he was not so learned as they.

And indeed he was generally known as Jack the Dullard.

Hello,

Said Jack the Dullard,

Where are you going?

I declare you've put on your Sunday clothes.

We're going to the king's court,

As suitors to the king's daughter.

Don't you know the announcement that had been made all through the country?

And they told him about it.

My word,

I'll be in it too,

Cried Jack the Dullard,

And his two brothers burst out laughing at him,

And rode away.

Father dear,

Said Jack,

I must have a horse too.

I feel so desperately inclined to marry.

If she accepts me,

She accepts me.

Don't talk nonsense,

Replied the old gentleman.

You shall have no horse from me.

You don't know how to speak.

You can't arrange your words.

Your brothers are very different fellows from you.

Well,

Quoth Jack the Dullard,

If I can't have a horse,

I'll take the billy goat,

Who belongs to me,

And he can carry me very well.

And so said,

So done.

He mounted the billy goat,

Pressed his heels onto its side,

And galloped down the high street like a hurricane.

Hey,

Hoop,

That was a ride.

Here I come,

Shouted Jack the Dullard,

And he sang till his voice echoed.

Far and wide.

But his brothers rode slowly on in advance of him.

They spoke not a word,

For they were thinking about the fine speeches they would have to bring out,

And these had to be cleverly prepared beforehand.

Hello,

Shouted Jack the Dullard.

Here I am.

Look what I found on the high road.

And he showed them what it was,

And it was a dead crow.

Dullard,

Exclaimed the brothers,

What are you going to do with that?

Why the crow?

Why,

I'm going to give it to the princess.

Yes,

Do so,

They said,

And they laughed and rode on.

Hello,

Here I am again.

Just see what I have found now.

You don't find that on the high road every day.

And the brothers turned round to see what he could have found now.

Dullard,

They cried,

That is only an old wooden shoe,

And the upper part is missing into the bargain.

Are you also going to give that to the princess?

Most certainly I shall,

Replied Jack the Dullard.

And again the brothers laughed and rode on,

And thus they got far in advance of him,

But Hello,

Hop-rah-rah.

And there was Jack the Dullard again.

It's getting better and better,

He cried.

Hurrah,

It's quite famous.

What have you found this time,

Inquired the brothers.

Oh,

Said Jack the Dullard,

I can hardly tell you how glad the princess will be.

Bah,

Said the brothers,

But there's nothing but clay out of the ditch.

Yes,

Certainly it is,

Said Jack the Dullard,

The clay of the finest sort.

See,

It is so wet,

It runs through one's fingers.

And he filled his pocket with the clay.

But his brothers galloped on till the sparks flew,

And consequently they arrived a full hour earlier at the town gate than could Jack.

Now at the gate each suitor was provided with a number,

And all were placed in rows immediately on their arrival,

Six in each row,

And so closely packed together that they could not move their arms,

And that was a prudent arrangement,

For they certainly would have come to blows had they been able,

Merely because one of them stood before the other.

All the inhabitants of the country round about stood in great crowds around the castle,

Almost under the very windows,

To see the princess receive the suitors,

And as each stepped into the hall,

His power of speech seemed to desert him,

Like the light of a candle that was blown out.

Then the princess would say,

He is of no use,

Away with him out of the hall.

At last the turn came for that brother who knew the dictionary by heart,

But he did not know it now,

He had absolutely forgotten it altogether,

And the board seemed to re-echo with his footsteps,

And the ceiling of the hall was made of looking-glass,

So that he saw himself standing on his head,

And at the window stood three clerks and a head clerk,

And every one of them was writing down every single word that was uttered,

So that it might be printed in the newspapers,

And sold for a penny at the street corners.

It was a terrible ordeal,

And they had,

Moreover,

Made such a fire in the stove,

That the room seemed quite red-hot.

It is dreadfully hot here,

Observed the first brother.

Yes,

Replied the princess,

My father is going to roast young Pulitz today.

Bah,

There he stood like a lamb,

He had not been prepared for a speech of this kind,

And he had not a word to say,

Though he intended to say something witty,

Bah.

He is of no use,

Said the princess,

Away with him,

And he was obliged to go accordingly.

And now the second brother came in.

It is terribly warm in here,

He observed.

Yes,

We're roasting Pulitz today,

Replied the princess.

What?

What were you?

Were you pleased to ab.

.

.

Stammered he,

And all the clerks wrote down,

Pleased to ab.

.

.

He is of no use,

Said the princess,

Away with him.

Now came the turn of Jack the Dollard.

He rode into the hall on his goat.

Well,

It's most abominably hot here.

Yes,

Because I'm roasting young Pulitz,

Replied the princess.

Ah,

That's lucky,

Exclaimed Jack the Dollard,

For I suppose you'll let me roast my crow at the same time.

With the greatest pleasure,

Said the princess,

But have you anything to roast in it,

For I have neither pot nor pan.

Certainly I have,

Said Jack,

Here's a cooking utensil with a tin handle.

And he brought out the old wooden shoe and put the crow into it.

Well that is a famous dish,

Said the princess,

But what shall we do for sauce?

Oh,

I have that in my pocket,

Said Jack.

I have so much of it that I can afford to throw some away.

And he poured some of the clay out of his pocket.

I like that,

Said the princess.

You can give an answer,

And you have something to say for yourself,

And so you shall be my husband.

But are you aware that every word we speak is being taken down and will be published in the paper tomorrow?

Look yonder,

And you will see in every window three clerks and a head clerk,

And an old head clerk is the worst of all,

For he can't understand anything.

But she only said this to frighten Jack the Dollard,

And the clerks gave him a great crow of delight.

And each one spurted a blot out of his pen onto the floor.

Oh,

Those are the gentlemen,

Are they?

Said Jack.

Then I will give the best I have to the head clerk.

And he turned out his pockets and flung the wet clay full in the clerk's face.

That was very cleverly done,

Observed the princess.

I could not have done that,

But I shall learn in time.

And accordingly,

Jack the Dollard was made a king,

And received a crown and a wife,

And sat upon a throne.

And this report we have wet from the press of the head clerk and the corporation of printers.

But they are not to be depended upon in the very least.

And that is the end of our story this evening.

Until next time,

Sweet dreams.