Calm In Conflict ~ NVC’s 4-Step Model For Triggers & Emotional Balance

“Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, people lose their desire to attack back because they can see the human ignorance leading to these attacks; instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.”
― Marshall B. Rosenberg

Conflict can be intense, triggering and upsetting. Misunderstandings between human beings lead to so much suffering on our planet, from painful arguments, to devastating divorces, gang violence and war.

So when someone requested me to make a separate course about this topic--specifically about the '4 step model' of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)--I heeded the call.

The '4-component' or '4-step model' is deceptively simple. We can use this lens--discerning observations from interpretations, feelings from stories, needs from strategies and requests from demands--to see clearly what goes on, first in ourself, and second, between human beings in intense situations.

What makes this model so effective is the increase in clarity that it provides, which in turn leads to more compassion and understanding. This is how conflict de-escalates, and anger can dissipate.

But there are important disambiguations to be understood, and pitfalls to be avoided, if we are to fully reap the benefits of this profoundly transformative tool.

You can do this course without any knowledge of NVC, but it will help to know a bit. In order to get a deeper introduction to NVC, you can check out my other courses, especially "Nonviolent Communication Level 1: Meet The Consciousness Of NVC".

I hope you enjoy & benefit from this course.

image: Getty
audio: Samuel F. Johanns

Lección 1: Prologue ~ NVC Intro & How To Use This Course

This short introduction will unfold a bit of what Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is all about, and share how you can listen to and use this course.

As my teacher Yoram always says, "I wish you meaningful fun!"

Lección 2: Feelings

According to Dr. Gabor Maté, if we ignore our feelings long enough, we're bound to get sick. Also in conflict, it's very important to be clear what is going on inside our bodies in terms of feelings, emotions, and sensations, because if we are not aware of this, we are more likely to confuse the issue, blame others for our emotions, and escalate the situation.

Lección 3: Observations

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.” ― J. Krishnamurti

If you are able to discern where you are evaluatring from where you are clearly observing, you've unlocked a super power that many humans do not possess.

In this session you'll learn what an observation is and how to hack your brain into achieving this kind of awareness, simply by asking yourself one simple question...

Lección 4: Needs

When we are able to hold our needs closely but our strategies lightly, we become agile in our ways to find each other and to find solutions to conflicts in the practical sense. In this session, we will dive deep into what needs are, what needs are not, and why it's important that we are aware of the difference.

Lección 5: Requests

Requests are alive in us all the time. But we are not always aware of it. Becoming conscious of what we what others to do for us, and adding the question what we would want the reason for them to be, to do for us what we want them to do for us, is a transformative key to unlocking skillful requests.

Lección 6: Bonus Session ~ The '3 Places To Be'

Besides the four steps or the four components to give clarity and self-connection--which in turn completely transforms our energy and the way we can show up in our conversations--it's also very important to be somewhat fluent in the awareness of the three places to be in a conversation, especially when there's conflict.

And so to add more clarity and more tools in your toolkit for handling conflict and communication in general, please enjoy this session where I share how the dynamics work between being in self-connection, being in listening mode, and being in expressing mode.