Hello.
I'm Nicole Havelka,
Burnout recovery coach,
Pastor,
Journalist,
And podcast host.
Welcome to this guided practice for anyone who is plagued by should voices,
The voices of perfectionism that live rent-free in our head,
Telling us how all things should be done,
Especially at the holidays.
I've processed this holiday pressure and stress with so many clients over the years that I decided to make a Setting Holiday Boundaries Workbook and this guided practice to help you quiet the shoulds and instead embrace a holiday season that is calm,
Meaningful,
Impactful,
And yes,
Even restful.
Before we start,
I invite you to find a comfortable spot where you can be still for a few minutes.
You can be sitting,
Lying down.
Or if you're walking or doing something while listening,
Try to slow down for at least a few moments and really drink in the practice with as few interruptions as possible.
Okay,
Let's get started.
We're going to spend the next few minutes feeling into our bodies and getting underneath the static of the shoulds.
That push us to take on one more project.
Say yes to one more event,
Or buy one more gift even when we are bone tired and broke.
So let's begin with our body and our breath.
You could close your eyes or soften your gaze.
If that's comfortable and safe to do right now.
Simply feel in to sensation of the body.
You might start with your feet and work your way up.
Go from feet to ankles.
Lower legs,
Hips.
Pelvis lower belly and lower back,
The waist,
The torso.
The shoulders,
Arms,
Hands,
And fingers.
Travel back up to the neck,
To the back and top of the head.
The face.
The jawline.
Noticing.
Any sensations of the body that might be arising that can be tension or achiness,
It might also be a sense of vitality,
Aliveness,
Or any other kind of sensation at all.
Noticing it without judgment.
And then feel into the breath.
Simply notice the rise and fall,
The natural rhythm,
The natural texture.
Whatever is happening in your breath.
In its state right now,
Noticing it without judgment.
Then begin to slow it down.
Maybe make your inhales just a little bit more full and complete.
The exhale is a little longer and slower.
Really pushing out the stale air at the end.
And do your best to keep that.
Slightly slower breathing pattern while we do the rest of this practice.
So begin to focus in on the breath.
You can pick a particular sensation of the breath or a particular body part.
Anyone will do,
But I suggest find a point in the belly core.
Just two or three inches below the navel.
And focus there.
This breath in your belly core.
And the point here is not to be focused on the belly core 100% of the time.
The point is that you return to this place in the belly core or another part of your body when your mind wanders,
Because it will.
That's simply what it's designed to do.
Your mind wanders.
And the point here again.
Is to return back to that point,
To return back to your breath.
Begin to focus on the breath in that point in the belly or other body part that you've chosen.
Inhaling.
And exhaling.
I'm going to let my voice trail off for a few moments.
And simply let you notice what comes up when you focus in on the breath.
Now let's return back to this practice.
You can continue this longer,
Slower,
Deeper breathing as we continue through this practice or return to your natural rhythm of breath.
And notice what came up for you in that about a minute of silence.
Was it your to-do list?
The voices that told you your house should look a certain way,
Or worry about the family party you wish you had a good excuse to say no to.
The food you're supposed to make perfectly,
Of course.
Or that everyone should be gathered together and everyone should be really happy about it.
Like that ever happens.
Or that you even should be enjoying this more than you really are.
Now,
Without trying to change anything,
Just notice what's going on in your body right now as you recall those voices that may have emerged.
Is there a tension that arises?
Where do you hold it?
Your jaw,
Your shoulders,
Your chest.
Did your breath.
Maybe change a little bit?
Did it get higher and more shallow?
Or did you feel it keep moving?
Through those lower parts of your body.
Now those voices are loud and they are real and most of us have been hearing them for so long,
We don't even notice it's a voice anymore.
Sounds or feels like the truth of what we have to do.
Like the way simply things are.
That voice was built.
So it's not something that's innate to you.
That voice is built and it comes out of the media you consumed,
The TV you grew up watching,
The magazines you read,
The endless pages of holiday Pinterest posts you scroll through.
And you inherited traditions you never agreed to,
And many of which have lost connection to what made them originally meaningful.
And you've internalized those family expectations you absorbed before you were old enough to question any of it.
These shoulds that live rent-free in your head are not wisdom.
They're the voices of perfectionism.
Pressures of a racist,
Patriarchal,
Toxic capitalist system telling you you have to do more,
Be more,
Buy more,
To have value.
And you know what?
It's utter nonsense.
You are valuable just by virtue of being you.
And you don't have to earn it.
Now,
I will invite you to feel beneath the pounding drum of these shoulds.
And instead,
Feel into what your body and spirit truly desire for the holidays.
How do you want to feel before,
During,
And after the holidays?
Or maybe recall a favorite activity.
How does that make you feel to do it?
Who do you most want to spend time with?
How does that make you feel?
I'm going to give you a minute to reflect on that.
Now return to your waking life.
Find a piece of paper.
Pen,
Markers,
Colored pencils,
Anything at all that you have handy and write down any words or draw any images that emerged from your envisioning the holiday you truly desire.
When you feel the holiday shoulds emerge.
Grab this list.
Your vision of the holiday and ask yourself,
Does this should truly align with your desire for the holiday?
If not.
.
.
Then maybe that activity or task simply doesn't.
So thank you so much for practicing today,
And I wish you a holiday filled with the people and activities that you truly desire.
And remember that you are worthy of rest.
Even during the holidays,
Especially during the holidays.
