The Grumpy Old Man: Original Long Bedtime Story

In this long sleep story, an autistic man (based loosely on myself & my own experiences), perceived as a grumpy old man, sits absorbed in reading at home. He plays a grand piano in a room below his house, experiencing synaesthesia with colorful lights dancing from the music which guides him into a reverie, where he mentally explores a meadow, follows a river to the sea, enters a cave with a lake, and discovers a tree with a map. Navigating a mirror maze and encountering a transformed mud fairy, he returns to reality and eventually ventures outside, noticing the friendliness of the people around him.

Transcript

Just take a moment to allow your eyes to close and allow yourself to begin to relax and as you begin to comfortably drift to sleep. I don't know whether you'll drift to sleep faster to the sound of my voice or whether it'll be to the spaces between my words and as you comfortably drift to sleep I'm just going to tell this sleep meditation in the background and it's a sleep meditation about a man who is known locally as the grumpy old man and he keeps himself to himself. He always keeps his lights off and occasionally people just see his shadow pass across windows normally from the one candle that he'll have lit in a room and no one has ever seen him leave his house and whenever a bull lands in his garden children jump the fence to collect the bull and they just have that sense of him standing at the window almost glaring as if to say just grab the bull and go and so to everyone he appears like a grumpy old man and all the locals talk about him as being the grumpy old man and yet in reality none of them have ever sat down talked to him they're making that conclusion from the fact that he doesn't engage with them that he doesn't talk to them and that they've never really seen him and this grumpy old man is sitting at home in his favorite armchair where he sinks down so comfortably with his elbows sinking down into the rests of the chair and his back sinking into the back of the chair and the room lit by just one candle resting on a table near the chair with the light from that candle dancing around the room making shadows jump and twitch as the light flickers just enough light for him to be able to sit there and read an old book and he's very slow reading he really takes his time over every word over every paragraph takes his time to work through every page slowly reading a page and then incredibly carefully as if the book is delicate he carefully turns the page and slowly reads down the next page and while he sits there in that chair incredibly comfortably reading that book so his breathing slows down and he drifts and relaxes deeper and deeper into the experience with all of his attention on the experience of reading that book and he likes to give all of his attention to the task at hand if he's walking he likes to be totally absorbed in the act of walking if he's reading he likes to be totally absorbed in the act of reading if he's making food he likes to be totally absorbed in the act of making food whatever he's doing he likes to pay that his full attention and he's very good at picking up on his own inner signals and so he knows when his body is telling him that it's time to close the book and so he closes that book places it carefully down on the table beside him makes sure that it's in exactly the right position on that table and then sits back into that chair for a moment just listening to the silence listening to the natural ambience of his environment aware that although he thinks of it as silent it's not truly silent there are subtle sounds in the environment that you can just overlook and don't even notice are there like maybe a slight humming or some other subtle noises maybe just natural noises in the house perhaps even slight noises from outside like the sound of the wind sound of passing distant traffic or planes overhead that go almost unnoticed but which you would notice are missing if it truly was silent that there's something about authentic silence that can feel strange because it doesn't really exist and so he rests there and he can hear just that subtle flicker of the candlelight of that flame dancing with the slightest movement of the air in the room and he can notice the way that light dances around the room and even when he closes his eyes he's aware of the way the light dances through his eyelids creating patterns of light and dark and he can smell the smell of that candle as it burns and hear the sound of that candle hearing the sound of the flame during the sound of the wax slightly bubbling and popping as it melts a little bit near the flame then he moves out of that seat carrying the candle with him he takes a key out of his pocket and it's a skeleton key that can open any of the doors in his house and any of the locks in his house but there's one key for the front door there's one key for the back door but once you're in the house there's one key that opens everything when he walks through the house he heads what looks like a door under the stairs he puts the key into that wooden door he jiggles that key around a little bit to get it fully into the lock and then with a click he twists that key in the lock and the lock clicks open and with a creak he opens the door walks through the door closing it behind him locking it behind him and just lit by candle light he can see the wooden steps descending in front of him and his footsteps echo and reverberate on those wooden steps as he descends those steps into a room under his house going deeper and deeper under his house with each step from 10 9 8 7 6 feeling a sense of the air changing slightly 5 or feeling a deeper sense of relaxation and noticing the silence down here is even more silent than the silence upstairs 3 2 1 stepping onto the wooden ground down here that candle light just barely illuminating the room and he walks across that room each footstep echoing through the room and as he walks across the room so a grand piano so perfectly polished comes into view and he sits down at that grand piano he places that candle into a candle holder that's on the side of the piano he lifts the lid randomly and gently touches a few of the notes with one finger feeling the weight of the note the weight of each key with each press hearing the note layout through that piano before relaxing his shoulders resting both hands down those fingers gently on the keys and then beginning to play and at first while he's playing he follows those fingers he looks at them he watches what they're doing where they're going but then after a short while as if the fingers take care of themselves where the fingers play independent of his mind his mind just drifts with the music becomes absorbed in the music almost as if there's a light dancing up from the inside of that piano almost like colored mist and fog that's brighter with more powerful notes more pastely with softer played notes and the colors mix and mingle as different notes are played almost like there's an aurora dancing out of that piano and almost with his eyes glazed over gazing off into space he watches this light show playing out before him as his ears hear the music and his fingers feel the music and the experience spreads through into his body and seem to resonate through his mind and then out of this light show playing before him that begins to spread around him it begins to transform into a different world where he's no longer in a dark room with a single candle lighting it but as he plays it's as if that light transforms opening the room up spreading the room out in all directions taking down the walls and revealing himself to be playing in the most beautiful meadow where off in the distance on the horizon he can see the ocean and between here and there it's a meadow and rolling hills and him at this most beautiful black piano playing this music only now the light is like butterflies flying around the piano with many colors almost dancing around the piano to the music and spreading from the piano out across the meadow flying to different flowers of multi colors flying off into nearby woodland up into the trees and yet he holds his focus and keeps his focus on being in that moment absorbed in the playing and as he continues playing so this reality becomes increasingly real to him so real that as his fingers stop playing the reality remains and he has this sense of standing up of walking away from the piano and as he does and walks a little way through the meadow feeling that grass around his legs feeling what each footstep feels like to take here feeling the warmth of the Sun on his face the slight breeze on his cheeks hearing distant birds and the rustling leaves of the trees seeing the top of a dandelion caught with the breeze and what looks almost like thousands of parachutes floating through the air caught in the wind to descend throughout the meadow he stops and turns around and looks back towards the piano and he can see himself sat there motionless as if in the middle of playing as if he sat there has had time standing still for him and yet this projection of him has moved out of his body leaving him in that location in time to explore this land he's created with his music and he walks a very mindful way through the meadow down towards a calm river that heads out to the sea and as he reaches the river so he can notice that slight watery smell to the air and hear the sound of the flowing water and he decides to walk in the water just in the shallow edge of that river feeling the coolness of the water as it passes over and around his feet his ankles and the sloshing as he walks through the water heading down towards the sea and while he walks towards the sea so the Sun continues passing across the sky and as it passes across the sky so the sky changes color and blue different shades of oranges yellows and reds and some pink and the Sun gets lower and lower to the horizon and he arrives at the mouth of that river and hear the sound of the sea gently lapping on the shore and stands here in the sand as his feet sink slightly into the sand with a slight tickle touch of the sand over and between his toes as each small wave rolls in over his feet then pulls back out to sea rolling in moving some sand over his feet and then rolling out pulling some sand back across his feet and he realizes that his breathing has fallen in time with that sea with those waves rolling in and rolling out as he just stands there almost motionless watching that Sun gently setting over the horizon and while the Sun setting over the horizon he hears a noise behind him almost like a lifting and then a sploshing noise and a slight scraping noise and with curiosity he turns around and he can see this turtle working its way down the wet sand sliding on its belly almost trying to drag its way to the sea and he watches as that turtle which must be almost as big as he is pulling its way down the shore and while he watches he thinks about what it would be like to pull his own body along the ground like that and how he would probably find that difficult if he couldn't just stand up and walk to use his arms and his legs with his belly on the floor to try to move himself like the turtle and thinks it must be even more difficult with the shell the turtle has and he watches as that turtle reaches the water and he walks down towards the water to continue to watch the turtle he walks a little way into the sea just up to his knees with the occasional wave in just over his knees and he sees that once that turtle is a little way into the water the water holds its weight and suddenly it's able to swim so gracefully almost like it's flying through the water in slow motion like with the slightest movement it's able to turn and twist move around in the water and fly through that water so easily and effortlessly and as he turns back towards the Sun he notices that it's now set fully over the horizon and yet there is still the red glow of the Sun in the sky but looking the other direction reveals a dark blue and the rising moon and overhead he notices stars twinkling to life and he walks through the sand along the seashore really allowing himself to be absorbed in the experience listening to the way the waves lap on the shore hearing the music in those waves noticing the way the waves seem to glow slightly with specific colors for the different tones they make as they roll in land on the shore and the different colors and the sparkling light which comes off the sand with the note the sand plays as it's pulled out into the sea and he continues to walk and then he sees that the hills a little way along here have turned into cliff faces and he can notice in one of the cliff faces there appears to be a dark mark that he assumes might be a cave and so he heads over towards that and as he does to him that cave seems so illuminated because of the way the sound of the sea heads into that cave deepens increases in volume and reverberates around the cave almost turning that cave into a musical instrument and that loud deep note that reverberates through the cave makes that cave glow with the most beautiful electric blue color and he walks into the cave and notices the electric blue change slightly as he enters he realizes how large this cave is almost like walking into a cathedral he can notice the high overhead the stalactites clinging on to the ceiling and almost like pillars in the ground he navigates his way around the stalagmites climbing up out of the ground and as he explores he starts to notice that the colors are changing but there's a deep purple color off in the distance and he heads deeper into this cave towards that purple color towards that purple vibrant light and as he walks towards that so he starts to hear a low rumbling sound and as he nears that sound he realizes that some water probably from the river must have worked its way through the ground and it's now become this waterfall pouring down through a chamber into a lake below and he watches the purple light coming off that waterfall off where it's landing in the lake he watches the twinkling lights around the edge of the lake and where the water is splashing back down gently further from the waterfall and he heads down towards that underground lake and as he heads down he notices that in this lake there are some ducks there are some geese there are some other birds swimming around and some just sitting on the shore he sees what looks like golden geese eggs in a nest on the shore he doesn't feel brave enough to head over to take a closer look aware that the geese may not be overly happy with that he walks around that lake and he finds somewhere to sit near the lake and as he sits near that lake closes his eyes just listens almost as if his ears are marking out the shape of this cave and the sounds and the way the sound bounces around the walls and while he's listening not only can he visualize in his mind's eye the shape of the entrance the shape of the cathedral like cavern he'd walked through and the shape of this section he could even hear the sound of the flowing water that led to the waterfall and make out the shape of the cave that is being carved by that bit of river that's flowing into here and then he can make out the shape of this section and even make out how large the space is under the surface of the water and the deep sound resonating up from the way the waterfall is creating that deep note over at one side but what he notices is there's also another sound another resonance and he realizes that in here is another chamber but it appears like it's a chamber with a smaller entrance and so he relaxes deeper and focuses even more on the subtle sound a slight variation in a note allowing him to pinpoint where that entrance is then opens his eyes and as he opens his eyes he can see all the colors of the notes around him he walks around and carefully past the golden eggs finds his way round to the far side of the lake where he sees what looks like a small tunnel he has to crouch down to squeeze through that tunnel and so he crouches squeezes gently through that tunnel is the sound of the waterfall fading behind him and can hear the subtle sound of dripping in front of him and it very quickly opens up into another vast chamber all under that meadow overhead and in this chamber a lot of that sound of the waterfall seems to get absorbed in the twists and turns of the tunnel to this chamber where in this chamber he's able to focus on the sound of individual drops falling from the ceiling and the silence between the drops and he's aware of the time between the drop falling from the ceiling and reaching the ground he can see the slight twinkle as there's a subtle sound of the drop just about to leave the ceiling which to him and his perception is almost like a very very tiny explosion almost like a pinprick of light above him and then there's a delay and then there's a deeper color as that droplet lands on the ground and a slight wave of color spreading from that point and every moment he sees a few of these in this cave and he walks slowly through the cave walking quietly as he goes feeling that this place has a certain silence to it that makes him almost treat it like a library like somewhere that he should be quieter in and he has this sense of exploration and then he hears the strangest sound sounding almost like a thousand twinkling bells and as he continues walking he notices strangest thing notices a large tree at the far end of this cave the large tree is illuminated from the back by what looked like giant emeralds around the back top of this cave that somehow seem to have light passing through them and as he walks around walks over to the tree reaches out touches the bark of the tree with the tips of his fingers runs them gently over that bark closing his eyes to really appreciate the feeling that tree most having a sense of being grounded with this reality by running his fingers around that tree with his eyes closed it heightens his senses and with his senses heightened he realizes there's a slight hum for the sounds in those emeralds and as he mentally analyzes that hum he realizes that somehow perhaps the movement of water maybe something else is generating an electrical charge through those emerald like stones those emerald like crystals and that that is somehow illuminating the back of this cave and while he runs his fingers around the bark of the tree he notices that it seems to change subtly depending on where his hand is and realizes that the tree is slightly more dense on the side facing the emeralds and as he looks up and looks around the leaves of the tree he realizes that the branches are growing slightly more in the direction of the emeralds the leaves are slightly more facing the emeralds in the other direction and that somehow this tree seems to be given light that it seems to be able to convert into energy from those emeralds and as he stands back from the tree really take in what he's observing notices that high up in the tree is what looks like a box just resting on a branch it looks like a really old wooden box he climbs all the way up carefully that box he picks up that box tips it over tips it back up the right way and hear that there's something soft inside it something light inside the box lifts the lid and inside he finds a paper map and it seems to be a map of the caves nearly everything on the map he already knows he can recognize the way in he can recognize the coastline he can recognize that lake the waterfall and the tunnel to here and the tree but he sees that there's one more place marked on the map and he decides to go and investigate and as he looks around the ground going to find that location he sees a ruby on the ground just seemingly in the mud and it's right where the tunnel is to another part of this cave system but all he sees is a ruby and mud he goes and picks that ruby up and as he does he notices the back side of that ruby is actually attached to a trapdoor that's hidden under the mud and he pulls on that and the trapdoor easily comes up from the ground and he looks down and sees some steps down into a tunnel he follows those steps ten nine eight going deeper and deeper under this cave seven six five four three two one finding himself in a tunnel deep under that cave system and he walks along following this tunnel and he reaches a point where the sound changes it begins to echo a lot more and what this tunnel is made of seems to change there's less mud and rock it seems to turn into almost reflective stone he recognizes that some of that stone is magnetic and some of it almost seems to be reflective almost like it's polished and then he finds himself stood facing an image of himself and realizes that it's just like a mirror and as he turns to the side he sees himself again and realizes that he's entered into a mirror maze and as he walks around he notices some areas seem to have what's like sheets of glass that restrict his path and so he has to find alternative routes and other areas he walks straight at a mirror and so he carefully in a very mindful and measured way and very calmly walks around that maze running his fingers around the mirrors and the glass as he carefully and gently and calmly finds his way around and the further around this maze he gets the more he can hear a slight humming in the distance and he's curious what it is that he's going to find and after some time navigating the maze sometimes taking the wrong routes and having to backtrack he comes out into a large opening similar to the caverns he's been in before only in the middle of this cavern he sees a gray stone and the cavern is illuminated by bright green glowing mushrooms poking out of the walls and the ceiling and on that gray stone he sees a blue bird and that blue bird appears to be humming a very familiar tune and although that tune is very familiar it sits on the tip of his tongue he's unsure exactly what that tune is and yet something about it is resonating through his mind and body with a deep sense of familiarity and he walks towards that humming bird and when he's nearly at the bird the bird stops humming looks up at him and says to him he's come here to find himself to find something that he didn't even know he had lost and that he needs to head on past this stone to the back of this cave and so he walks on and as he does he notices that the ground gets damper and damper and that the mud under his feet becomes increasingly squelchy and then just as his feet are starting to stick more in the mud he notices a bit of movement coming from the deeper more sloppy muddy area and then a slight buzzing coming from that area and a slight bubbling from under the mud and then out of that mud he sees a small fairy and it crawls its way out from under the mud and it asks him to pass it a pine cone and it blows into that pine cone and as it does so the pine cone starts to open up and bits start falling out of that pine cone and then the pine cone starts to sparkle and shimmer and that begins to sparkle and shimmer around the fairy and as it sparkles and shimmers around the fairy so the fairies wings begin to turn golden and white they begin to look more full and it's almost as if the mud falls off of that fairy they then fly up above the mud and he can hear a high-pitched hum of the fairies wings and see light orangey glow coming from the back of the fairy and that glow is a very consistent glow of that very consistent note and the fairy explains like the blue bird explained that he was here to find something he didn't even know he'd lost that he was here to find himself and his connection and that he would know what he came here to find when he leaves here and it's only then that he'll realize where he has been and he asks the fairy where they came from they said they're the mud fairy the fairies are born out of all sorts of things but fairies are only born when they're needed that they hibernate that they kind of take on a different form until they're needed then it's almost like them being needed is a bit like watering a plant that can turn a seed something new and that they can then be there to support you and your journey ahead but with the lesson you're learning and why you're here and what you're going to discover they can support you because you'll need more support beyond what you think you're going to need and then that fairy flies off disappears up high in the cave and seems to find their way out of the cave somehow and as they do the bluebird says that it's time to go back and so the man begins to head back through the caves they can hear that bluebird humming away in the background as they walk back through the caves they head out of the caves back to that beach where now it's a deep dark nighttime watching the most beautiful blanket of stars overhead twinkling in the sky heading back up through the meadow and then seeing themselves at that piano still motionless as if midway through playing and while they watch themselves they start to have this sense of drifting back into themselves then they have a sense of their fingertips moving on that piano again and then that music continues to play then as the music comes to an end so this world fades away and they find themselves sat in their basement at their piano with the flickering light of their candle and as they finish playing so they close the piano they stand up and walk away from the piano and as they do they notice that their feet seem to be muddy and that they can smell that mud and they can smell the smell of seawater and they walk up the stairs to the main part of the house and they head up to bed the whole time curious about the experience that they've had about how real it seemed and the fact that not only did it seem real but they even have solid evidence that something more than just playing the piano happened in the basement and they change for bed they put that candle by their bedside they settle down in the bed they read a book for a little while under that candle light before blowing out the candle noticing that smell of that candle as the darkness surrounds them in the room with just the slightest hint of moonlight coming into the bedroom as the breeze catches the shutters and makes the shutters over the windows rattle slightly before but going really calm and relaxed and they drift and float so comfortably and relaxed asleep and the next day they feel this overwhelming urge to leave their house and they head to the living room they look out of the window and they can see the life out there people smiling at each other chatting with each other cars going past no one seeming to have a care in the world and then a few hours later they look back out the window again still with that overwhelming urge to go outside but not yet feeling like they can not knowing how they should and then they notice the sky turning gray it begins to rain and that rain gets heavier and heavier they decide that now is the best time to venture out for the first time in a very long time and so they grab themselves the homemade umbrella they open the front door they poke the umbrella outside the door they pop that umbrella up and the umbrella covers almost half their body as they walk through their front door and into the umbrella closing their front door behind them and holding on to the umbrella with that transparent umbrella over their head and down both their sides and behind them and in front of them with that rain pounding on the outside of the umbrella almost like they're carrying their own personal tent where only their kneecaps downwards are likely to get wet from any rain that's only if the rain can come at an angle to catch them they can hear the sound of that rain sounding so gentle and relaxing on that umbrella and in a very mindful way they gently walk down one street noticing how few people are out here and they pass someone carrying an umbrella above their head who smiles and says hello and says that they would like an umbrella like that as they look at their arms and how wet they've got and a bit further down the road someone else does something very similar and down another road someone else smiles and comments again and they head to a nearby park and despite the rain they sit down on a bench almost tucked up under their umbrella resting the umbrella on the bench keeping their legs tucked in hearing that rain on the umbrella on the bench around them hearing the sound of the rain as it strikes the leaves of the trees behind them watching the sheets of rain pass across the park and off into the distance and as that rain passes so the Sun eventually manages to break through and they can still see the rain but they now notice the most vivid rainbow appear in the sky and then as that rainbow appears in the sky they start to hear the chirping of birds and then they start to see some birds flying overhead then they see a little ladybird land on the bench beside them and they watch as it walks along the arm of the bench tucking its wings gently on its back under its colorful plates and then after a little while launching itself back off and disappearing off out of view and then someone walking a dog smiles and acknowledges them again and they think to themselves that they haven't had this many people talking to them in years and that all these people seem so friendly and they can smell that fresh after rain air they fold up their umbrella and head home and as the evening sets in so the warmth through the afternoon and into the evening starts to evaporate up that water creating mist across the garden across the roads in the distance they just feel this sense of wanting to sit outside outside the front of their property on a bench in their garden and sit and read in their garden and for the first time in years they sit reading in that garden breathing in that fresh air watching and hearing people walk past smiling as people acknowledge them sat there and then they see a sparkling of light at the end of their garden and spy that fairy landing on a sunflower and have a sense of that fairy looking over at them as if to acknowledge that they're always there watching over them supporting them as they move and transition into this new stage of their life and all the discoveries that they'll make and then almost in a blink of an eye that fairy seems to disappear from that sunflower almost like a flash of light flies off with a slight hum and that night the grumpy old man settles down with a smile on their face and curiosity in their heart and falls so deeply and comfortably asleep knowing that they'll wake up in the morning and that they'll go out and explore they're now curious about the world outside their house what they can learn and discover out there with that deep sense of curiosity they drift and float so peacefully so comfortably asleep