Hey guys!
I hope that you guys are doing amazing in the world.
My name is Boomshakha and I welcome you to my channel.
I'm so grateful that you guys are listening,
Subscribing and commenting on my channel.
I really appreciate the support.
In this video I want to speak to you guys about my own journey in the past through my quarter life crisis.
I've been reading a lot about midlife crisis I guess because I'm getting into my 30s and I'm 35.
So I guess this is probably the time around which people have their midlife crisis perhaps or maybe 45.
But I had my quarter life crisis very early on.
Actually not even at quarter life.
I was not 25 when I had my crisis,
My existential crisis.
I was actually 21 or 20 actually if I really think about it.
Yeah I was 20 when I first had my crisis.
When I realized something is wrong with the world that I live in and this is not how I want to live my life.
So I want to share my journey and my own crisis with you because perhaps you're going through your own crisis and I want to give you solace that it is possible to get out of it to gain a lot of freedom and insight from it.
Actually I think it's one of the best things that ever happened to me and I'm grateful for it.
Even though when I was in it within it and inside deep within it,
It was really terrible.
It was actually one of those experiences that really scarred me and made me hate myself and despise my life and I was almost at the point of suicide.
I didn't because I would never do that to my family but it was an extremely tough time in my life and I guess that's one of the reasons why I wanted to share it with you as well because if you are going through that tough time,
Realize that it is just temporary and you will get out of it.
It's not something that's gonna last forever.
Actually it's a good thing that you're going through it.
So when I was 20,
Okay let me give you a little bit of background.
So my parents always wanted me to become a doctor.
Now they're brown or Indian and so this is typical right?
Everyone wants their kids,
Every Indian person parent wants their kid to either become an engineer,
Lawyer or doctor and it's not a cliche.
It's not maybe as much true anymore because now they understand or realize the value of other professions,
Other professions that perhaps make more money.
For example computer programming or environmental engineering or things like that you know so they're not really restricted anymore to those three professions but in my case they were absolutely adamant that because I was so smart I should become a doctor.
I would definitely get into medical school and I'm so caring and sympathetic and I have so much empathy and so you know all of that stuff kind of related to the fact that I should become a doctor.
And so because I love my parents and I still do and I believe that they care about me and they have their best intentions for me I believe that that was true.
I was like alright cool fine if I can do it I'll do it for you guys and so I applied and I studied crazy hard.
I missed out on a lot of experiences because of it.
It's one of the reasons why I would always tell my children to spend more time playing than studying if I had kids but yeah I missed out on a lot of experiences.
I worked really hard and I applied to medical school the first time around and I failed miserably.
I did not get accepted into even a single school and I applied to about maybe like eight or ten and so I was like alright cool that's okay the first time sometimes doesn't work I'll apply again and I applied again and I failed again.
I was like oh boy okay fine maybe third time's a charm and I didn't want to disappoint my parents.
I was like alright I was working full-time at the time so it's fine and I was still making money and it was alright.
It was just something that I was like alright let me just try again.
I have income coming in it's not a big deal.
I applied again,
Failed again miserably not even a single school was interested in me becoming a doctor or accepting me as a doctor.
Now at that point in time I had never really failed so drastically.
I had always been successful because I was a good learner,
A good student and I always got pretty good grades and everyone loved me.
My teachers loved me,
All my friends loved me,
My parents loved me,
Families loved me.
So I was just like I was on top of the world all of a sudden I was dashed down to the ground like I was thrown to the ground and I was like told basically I thought I was told that I'm worthless.
You're worthless.
You can't get into med school.
What are you even thinking?
You're not smart enough.
You're not good enough and as soon as that happened the house of cards that I had built my life upon the fact that I'm smart and I'm gonna become a doctor and that was my life pattern and my life path and there was no other plan B.
I did not think that there could be a necessity even for a plan B.
That's the plan A and I don't need a plan B and so I I went through a little bit of a crisis and that was my quarter life crisis actually because as soon as I realized that that's not the path for me all of a sudden all of a sudden and I'm so grateful for this all of a sudden I started questioning what is my path?
What am I here to do?
Why did the universe put me here?
And boom as if like a light bulb went off in my head I realized that I had never asked this question to myself before because I'd always assumed that that was a path for me that I was gonna become a doctor.
There was no need for me to think about what I wanted to do with my life.
I knew what I was gonna do with my life.
I was gonna become a doctor.
I was gonna work as a doctor for a few years and I was gonna join Doctors Without Borders and I was gonna work around the world and save the world.
That was my my dream my goal that was my path.
I didn't have to think about it.
It was set in stone from the time I was maybe five years old I knew that I was become I was going to become a doctor.
All of a sudden I had to start asking that important question that I've never asked before and as I said I'm so grateful for that because even though it was painful sitting down there and realizing I have no clue I have no clue what the hell I'm supposed to do with my life and realizing that fact realizing that I don't know what my talents and abilities are yeah I'm smart yeah I can write yeah I'm a little bit good at communication yeah people love me but what am I supposed to do with all that stuff how am I supposed to use it in order to build a life that's worthy that makes an impact that can create a world that's better you know can I how can I do that with who I am right and so I sat down and I did a lot of work on myself guys a lot of work by myself I was self-motivated which is a great thing because I wanted to realize even though I had a job and it paid really well it was a government job I didn't need to leave it they would never fire me I could stick with that job for the rest of my life and nothing would matter right but that's not what was my life purpose that was not the reason I was put on this planet for not the main purpose perhaps that was a side thing that I could do for a little bit but my main purpose was still unclear and I had to figure it out and I spent a lot of time as I said guys reading hundreds of books I read so much I was always reading books reading self-help books or books about careers books about purpose hundreds I literally read hundreds of books in that time period I listened to audiobooks all the time YouTube wasn't that popular at the time or I just wasn't into it that much so I didn't watch as many videos as I would have if I was living at this point in time but I read a lot I took notes like mad and I journaled like crazy I was always if I was not reading I was writing I was writing out my thoughts and I was writing out what I was and why I was here what do I think about myself what are my talents why should I spend my time worrying about this stuff why can't I just live doing what I was doing everyone was happy with the way I was living my life I had my job and I was making really good money and it was it was a good life it gave me everything that I wanted typically according to society and so people were surprised that I was still in angst I still had this existential crisis where I was like I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing my life and they would look at me like but you have a job so why are you so why are you so angsty you know why why are you so anxious why why do you care so much just work that job until you have to retire and then that's it yeah nothing to worry about right and but for me it was not enough it didn't feel enough also it wasn't the right environment for me everyone in my workplace as government employees can be we're bitter and just so bitter and negative I just could not imagine myself staying in that situation for the next 30 years just for a retirement paycheck at the end of it I I would die before that happened I knew that I was gonna physically obviously die but also on the inside my soul my soul was dying little by little and my soul was a reason why I started this journey because my soul started tapping you know tapping tapping tapping against me saying there's something you're missing here boom there's something you're supposed to be doing here you're not paying attention to the right things you're wasting your time start figuring it out because if you don't then I'm going to die a slow death here and you're gonna become a zombie right and I was already in the process of becoming that zombie right because it was so painful to realize that I didn't know what I was doing my life right and a lot of my time when I was not you know journaling or reading and all that stuff a lot of my time I spent in consumeristic tendencies where I bought a lot of shit because I was upset and sad and angry with myself that I didn't know what I was doing in my life I spent a lot of time drinking I've told you guys that before I spent a lot of time partying going clubbing blacking out to the point you know drinking to the point of blackouts and just terrible terrible things I mean glad I'm glad only lasted maybe four years four or five years perhaps and then I was able to realize that this is not the path I'm supposed to be going on and of course I needed to go through that in order to be the person I am right now in order to be able to speak to you guys with this little bit of authority but that was a tough period in my life I absolutely have to say that I hope I mean I don't wish it upon anyone but I still do because it was so poignant so useful for me to be in the spot where I am right now if I hadn't gone through that I would not be here absolutely I would not be here standing in front of you doing these videos talking about my life and telling you all the insights I've gained because I wouldn't have any insights you know I would be drunk out of my mind or you know probably I'd be in the hospital right now because I really did not take care of myself I ate really shitty food I as I said drank a lot and I didn't smoke thank God I never took that the habit up which is good and I didn't do drugs which is good as well but it was not a very good life and I was not very caring about myself and I'm sure I would have ended up in the hospital eventually if I did not stop that lifestyle right it was a really terrible thing to do and I I'm so grateful I'm not doing that anymore but as I said I had to go through that existential crisis that quarter life crisis in order to be here right now and so as I said it took me of course four or five years to kind of go through that madness but still took me I would say ten more years after that yeah so I think it was not ten maybe maybe maybe seven or eight years I would say until I was 31 or 32 I truly realized who I was by the time I turned 30 31 32 and that was actually the period where I was like all right cool I had that light bulb moment where I was like all right good I know what I'm doing right now in this moment in time I feel a little bit better about myself I love myself more and I know what I'm here to do even though that needs to be tweaked as time goes on I felt good about my purpose and I kept on working on it right and so it took me a long time from 20 to almost 30 to 30 31 that's 10 years of learning and growing and reflecting and journaling and crisis thing in order to go through and come to the other end to the light at the end of the tunnel I had to come here and to be here right now now of course the journey hasn't ended and I'm still I still go through periods of crisis when I'm like hmm I don't think I know I've kind of gotten distracted and I'm not on the right path anymore and I need to self-correct myself I need to make sure that I'm still on the journey that I want to be on and so I'm constantly going through these moments where I need to correct my path and to move away from the distractions right so it's never going to be the case where you can say all right cool I'm done all the work I need to do I'm on my path I have nothing to worry about that's not ever going to be the case especially if you've chosen the harder path than most because it is a harder path you know to realize what your life purpose is it's easy very easy to just work at a job I know it doesn't seem that way it's actually much easier to work at a job a 95 job and to stick with that kind of typical lifestyle then to go explore the other dimension of what is my life purpose what am I here to do how can I do more of that how can I make my life or create a life where I can do more of my life purpose deeds and less than spend less time doing the things that I don't care about right and so it's about creation using your thoughts to create your life it takes a long time as I as you guys can tell now of course it took me longer because I really had very few tools that I used I didn't meditate I didn't meditate but I didn't have a lot of people around me who I could use to look to as a role model and so I'm so grateful that I can at least do these videos and perhaps be a little bit of a role model but also just be a little bit of a guidepost to you guys so you can look at my journey and say okay cool she went through this I'm going through it I can get through it if she went through it and got through it does that make sense so that's a little bit about my quarterlife crisis I hope that it made sense if you guys have any questions or if you want me to expound on some part of my journey I'd absolutely love to do it I'm more than happy to talk a little bit more about it I love talking about I love sharing my journey because it was so important to me to get to where I am right now and I know it can help someone else if they listen to it so if you guys again have any questions please message me anytime and I shall see you guys in the next video bye for now
