Give Yourself Some Credit. Notice Your Successes

A reminder to notice effort, not just outcomes in ADHD. In this video, Ari encourages recognising small wins, shifting away from self-criticism, and building momentum through a more compassionate and realistic approach to change.

Transcript

So let's talk about why it's important to give yourself some credit and really notice your successes. So here's the problem. The bad stuff, The mistakes, The failures, The slips, The like, I shouldn't have done that. That's really easy for us to see and then to remember where it's hard to like not remember it, If you know what I mean. You know, The problem is just for most of us, The way that we're wired is that those negatives, They really kind of grab our awareness and they stick in our memory really well. And, You know, Maybe there's some protective factor to it, Right? Like we want to notice and then, You know, Reduce the negatives in the future or something. Maybe that's why we're wired for that. But like, Regardless, It is a thing. Being well-managed or if it's undiagnosed and therefore untreated, Like you definitely are going to have more of those negative experiences and they're probably going to be more visible, Like more noticeable to yourself and also to others. And then there are, Of course, There's times that like you actually do pretty good, Right? Like you pull it off and other people like, Hey, That was great. But on the inside, You're like, Oh man, Yeah, But you don't know how I got there. Like you don't know what it took to make that happen. So like it looks good, But like it's not actually as good as all that, Right? So you sort of give away or cut down your successes. So all of this then makes it a whole lot easier to not notice the improvements that you are making, Right? That like you are legit doing some things a bit better, Doing some things a bit different. You're trying harder, You're doing different things, Right? To just sort of not notice them or to discount them because it wasn't perfect or there was a little bit of this or a little bit of that. So I think it's important then, Especially if you're kind of trying to make some changes and improvements in your life, To really be intentional and to actively look for and give yourself credit for the effort that you're putting into it, Right? Whether it's this course or whatever other things that you're working on in your life, Right? The effort that you're putting in on like, I don't know, The same old stuff, Right? The stuff you're already doing that tends to work pretty well, But you're trying to do it more or you're trying to do it a little bit better. Or maybe noticing the effort that you're putting in on the new stuff, Right? Again, Whether it's from this course or whether it's from wherever, But like, You know, The new things that you're trying to do. And the reason why it's important to focus on the effort and not the outcome is that sometimes the outcomes, Often, The outcomes involve things that we can't really control. So, For example, Let's say you're working on getting to work more, You know, On time more often. Cool. That sounds good. Here's the problem, Though. Getting to work is not just about what time you left. It's also about what's the condition of the road. You could have left 20 minutes early and still be 20 minutes late. In this case, Then, The better thing is not what time do you get to work? The better question is what time did you leave the house? Because that's the part that you can control. So look for also not just the things that you do beforehand that set things up better, But also really look for and give yourself credit for the times that things don't go well and you sort of do the things to bounce back. You know, Get yourself back on track. Right. So how do you rescue those, You know, Partial failures or those like whatever moments? And what are the lessons learned? Right. Like that didn't go well. But now what do I know now? What am I going to apply and maybe do a little bit different next time? There's also the question here, If we're going to talk about this, Of what should progress look like? Do it once or twice and then you're awesome at it? Is that what progress looks like? Probably not. What actually is reasonable to expect for a new habit? For example, If something worked well in the past, How have you adopted a new habit before? Um, Or in terms of what you're trying to do now, Like how big a change is this, Right? If you're trying to do things a little bit different, Probably it's easier. It's going to come more quickly. If it's some big, Big change, Usually those take a bit, I don't know, They take more effort and more tries before they really stick. I think there's also the question, If you're trying to do something different, Is are there some existing habits or some existing systems that can support this? So for example, If you're trying to remember to take some medication in the morning, Well, If you already take one medication or your vitamin or something in the morning, It's pretty easy to then like. . . Just add a second thing onto it. On the other hand, If you're trying to do something like all by itself, That's probably going to be harder to do, Right? So let's really get clear on what is reasonable to expect here, Because the expectation that you have is half of what tells you whether, You know, You should call it a success or a failure. Now. . . I think it's important also to really sort of like look at what the motivation is, Right? What is the benefit? How have things worked out before? How might this work out now? And in that process, To not pay too much attention to how other people would do it. I mean, On the one hand, Like I'm all in favor of getting good ideas from watching what other people do. Fine. Awesome. But what I'm not a big fan of is looking at other people and saying like, Oh, They do it like that. Why can't I do it that way? And the reason is people are different and they do things different ways. So figure out really, Really for you what's going to work best. All of this This is a process. Right. You keep working at it. You keep trying stuff. You keep learning things. Life keeps changing anyway. So it's not like you're going to figure it out and be done. So just, You know, Keep chugging along and. Whatever happens, Whether it's things worked out well or things didn't work out well, What is the next good thing that you can do, Right? Don't get freaked out. Don't get overwhelmed. Don't get cocky. What is the next good thing that you can do? And I think in general, Like, That's a pretty good question to ask yourself. So back to you. Here's your homework. Let's put it to work. First, Notice when you get stuck on a negative thought about your performance. Is it helpful? As in like. . . Yeah, I really should work harder at that or like that doesn't really actually work. I think I should do something different. Or is that negative thought just sort of making you feel bad? Are you just sort of beating yourself up and you don't really have anything better to show for it? Number two, Today specifically, Notice three good things that you did that helped your productivity, Right? Like really sort of look for them, Notice them. Kind of let them sink in, Right? Really sort of feel that, Like, Yeah. That is good. That is better. And then finally, Really think about what's reasonable to expect of yourself in learning these new productivity habits. Again, From this course or wherever else you get them, Really kind of think about what the reasonable expectation is. Because like I said a minute ago, How good you feel about it depends half on what your expectations are and half on how you do with it. So you can put in good effort. That's a thing you can do. What you can do is be reasonable about what good effort is actually going to get you. So I want you to persist. I want you to feel good about it. I want you to feel like you have something to show for it. So let's be really intentional about this stuff and like, Let's put it to work.

Reviews

I just realized that I probably have ADHD and OCD. Thank you for posting this talk!