Why Am I So Maddeningly Inconsistent

In this session, you will discover why ADHD is often a struggle of execution rather than a lack of knowledge. Expect to learn how to support yourself at the "point of performance" while using self-compassion to navigate the natural inconsistency of your brain.

Transcript

Hi there. Let's talk about why am I so maddeningly inconsistent? Thank you. So. ADHD, Folks with ADHD tend to be inconsistent. It's just kind of a thing. It's sort of part of the package deal. And I think that this quote from Russell Barkley is really important, Right? It really sort of, Like I use this a lot. I feel like I can't do a presentation without using this quote. I use this with clients all the time. But that Barkley says, ADHD is not a disorder of knowing what to do. It's a disorder of doing what you know, Right? Folks, The ADHD know it all. They know it well, Right? They know that they're supposed to show up on time. Not a hard concept. They know that it's better to, Like, You know, Go to bed earlier rather than later because it makes the morning easier. They know that, Like, If you've got a big deadline, Probably start it before the last minute, Right? Again, Not a hard concept. The knowing is the easy part. But, Like, That's true for a lot of things in life, Right? Diets are pretty easy also on the knowing side. Hard so So if you have ADHD, Then that variability, Right, That inconsistency across time, Across situations, Across tasks, Like that variability is part and parcel of having ADHD, Right? And frankly, If I'm doing a diagnostic evaluation with someone, That's one of the things I'm looking for, Right? How do they do on the stuff that's easy and interesting? How do they do on the stuff that's boring, Right? Looking whether someone has ADHD. The thing of it is that doing something one time, It's pretty easy, Right? Kind of like folks with ADHD can do anything once. The challenge is doing it every time, Right? Crushing it on some paper that for some reason you started a week ahead, That's great. Problem is then everybody expects you to start every paper a week ahead because like now you've shown them you can do it. The difference for folks who don't have ADHD is that they just sort of have an easier time kind of plowing through, Right? Like, I don't really feel like doing it, But like, Okay, Here we go. Right. Getting it done. So when you have ADHD, It's harder to just like make yourself plow through in that the situation has a lot more of an impact on your ability to kind of get it done, Right? It depends how interesting is the task? What are your competing or alternative options? Like what else could you do? Is there some social pressure here? Is it maybe something about your energy level, Right? Are you sort of alert and awake or are you kind of tired? Maybe there's novelty. Like, You know, The first time you like the first assignment for some new class, You're like, Yes, I'm crushed. I'm doing it. And then like, You know, Six weeks in, You're like this old thing again. And then there's just that total random factor of like, Why was this one a better and that one was a worse? Who even knows, Right? All of this, Though, Makes it look like a choice, Right? If sometimes you do it over here, But most of the time you don't do it over there, People are going to think like, Well, I don't know, You did it that one time over there. I guess you're just deciding not to do it over here. And like, It's not a completely unreasonable idea to interpret it that way. Except when you have ADHD and it makes it harder to do what you know. So if you're not doing what you know, And if you're not doing what other people think you should be doing. It's really easy for people to start to have like ideas and opinions about you and why it is that you're not doing these things that you know would be good to do. This then brings us to this idea, Which is that ADHD is all about performance, Right? It's not about knowing, It's about doing. Because ADHD is all about performance, Therefore solutions for ADHD have to be all about the point of performance, Meaning the place and time to do the thing that you're supposed to do. So giving someone a reminder, You know, Three hours before, Like it's nice, You know, Like it's probably vaguely generally helpful, But it's not going to guarantee it. By some other thing in the meantime That's true for all people. It's more true for people with ADHD. So a lot of the strategies that we're going to talk about in this series, A lot of the strategies that other people talk about that are really effective for ADHD. Probably there's some element of point of performance, Right? That they're happening at the right time and place to actually get the job done. So when it comes to managing ADHD or being a person in the world, We're always balancing these two ideas of what can I change and what do I need to accept, Right? This is not a new idea, Change versus accept. But I think it especially applies if you have ADHD. So on the one hand. . . Definitely we want to change some stuff, Right? We want you to genuinely be more effective, Like legit get more done. That's the whole point of this course. That's half of the point. It's most of the point of this course, Like legitimately getting things done, Being more consistent, Being more predictable, Just chug, Chug, Chug done, Right? This is going to be less stressful for you because, Like, You know what's going to happen. It's also going to be less stressful for other people. And that's important also. So strategies work, But only when you work them, Right? So you're going to want to work hard at the stuff that we talk about in this series. But also because none of us are robots and none of us are perfect and we're never going to be. Some things you just got to accept, Right? That in other words, You're still going to have your random moments, Right? There's times where, I don't know, Things just didn't go according to plan. Maybe for good reasons, Maybe for bad reasons, Maybe for nobody knows the reasons, But ain't going according to plan. So it's easier than in those moments. To kind of cut yourself a bit of slack, Right? To not beat yourself up. If you feel like you've been putting in some good effort, Maybe in this situation, Maybe in a bunch of other situations, Right? That you keep showing up, You're working hard, You're acting with integrity, You're doing what you can do. This also makes it more likely that other people are going to be willing to cut you some slack, Right? Because there is that social part of it also. The question then is, You know, At that point, What do we need to do to kind of fix it and move on, Right? Is there something that we need to do for ourself? Is there something we need to do for somebody else, Right, To sort of address it and then move on? Because sometimes it's not the problem that's the problem. It's the handling of the problem that's the problem, If you know what I mean. And we're going to talk more about this as we get towards the end of the series when we get more into the kind of social impacts of all of this. So here's your part, Let's put it to work. Number one. Craft some wording that you can use, Write some phrases, Some sort of ways of explaining stuff. To sort of explain that variability to yourself, Right, So you don't beat yourself up, But also to other people, Right, Because you're going to have those random ADHD moments. How do you explain it to them so they don't read it out to be worse than it actually is, Right? So they don't get kind of the wrong idea about who you are and what your intentions are. Number two. Look for some moments where like a little compassion would serve you well, Right? Stop beating yourself up about those random ADHD moments. And then finally, When you catch yourself having one of those ADHD moments, Because you will. Pause. Stop like just sort of hold a moment And figure out, Like, What is the next good thing that I can do here? Can't change what happened already. But right now, At this time, In this place, What is my next good move, Right? That's the thing I can do something about. How do I send this in a better direction? So let's think about it. Let's put it to work. Let's see what you can do.