Hey,
Good to see you back.
Need just one more big picture analogy?
No worries,
I got you.
Think of your chakras like a social media profile.
Constantly updating,
Sometimes thriving,
Sometimes glitching,
And always reflecting what's going on behind the scenes.
The universal chakra is the internet itself,
The endless connection that makes everything possible.
No internet,
No profile.
No profile?
Well,
That's just tragic.
The stellar gateway chakra is your Wi-Fi,
Deciding how much cosmic energy you actually get access to.
If it's weak,
You're working with dial-up speeds while everyone else is downloading enlightenment at lightning speed.
Your soul star chakra is your memories archive,
Storing everything from past life lessons to that one dream that felt a little too real.
But don't worry,
The causal chakra is on top of things,
Acting as the algorithm,
Filtering out the junk so you're not overwhelmed with unnecessary spiritual spam.
Now,
Every profile needs a bio,
And that's where the crown chakra comes in.
It's the one-line summary of who you really are at the highest level.
But what about how you see the world?
Well,
That's the third eye chakra,
Running your aesthetic filter,
Sharpening your intuition,
And making sure you're looking at life in HD instead of through a blurry,
Outdated lens.
The throat chakra is where all your captions and comments live.
Your voice,
Your messages,
The words you send out into the world.
When it's open,
You're dropping wisdom and mic-worthy one-liners.
When it's blocked,
Expect typos,
Awkward convos,
Or total radio silence.
If you're wondering where all the good vibes are,
Check the high heart chakra.
That's the place where uplifting posts,
Acts of kindness,
And feel-good energy go.
If it's empty,
Your profile might be giving off serious,
Unfollow energy.
The heart chakra is your DMs and your friend requests,
The space where emotional connections happen.
If it's open,
Expect deep conversations and meaningful interactions.
If it's closed,
You're either ignoring messages or getting ghosted yourself.
The solar plexus chakra?
That is your follower count.
Not about clout,
But about confidence.
People are drawn to strong,
Radiant energy.
And when this is thriving,
Your presence is impossible to ignore.
To keep your profile active,
You need the navel chakra,
The refresh button that makes sure everything is circulating properly.
No refresh?
Then you're stuck reposting old content and wondering why nothing's moving forward.
The sacral chakra runs your trendy posts and reels,
The fun,
Creative energy that makes life exciting.
If it's blocked,
Things start to feel a little meh,
Like an influencer who lost their spark.
Now,
Let's talk security.
The root chakra is your password,
And if it's weak,
The whole account is at risk.
One little breach and everything could come crashing down.
And none of this works without a solid connection to reality,
Which is where your earth star chakra comes in.
It's your Wi-Fi connection to the real world.
If it's strong,
Everything loads smoothly.
If not,
You're just buffering.
If your energy feels off,
Maybe it's time for a little profile maintenance.
Check your settings,
Clear out the spam,
And make sure your chakras are running like a well-managed,
Perfectly curated feed.
Hashtag namaste.
