Hi,
Welcome,
Glad you're here.
This recording is created to assist you from shifting from self-doubt and comparison to self-trust and creative confidence.
Do you feel blocked?
Do you maybe procrastinate a little bit more than you should?
Or have a hard time starting.
Well,
If you're ready to understand a better way to experience encouragement and feel emotional support,
So you can create more of what you truly want,
You're in the right place.
My name is John Ruby.
I'm a creative writer and author.
I've been assisting others with doing this for a while now.
Let's start with An I Wonder.
I wonder.
I wonder opens us up to possibilities.
So when I say I don't know,
It's like a closed fist.
I don't know something.
And sometimes it's really hard to learn that thing because I don't know it.
I've declared that.
So if I say,
I wonder.
I wonder how that might work.
I wonder what the next step would be.
I wonder.
How do I do that?
I wonder what.
.
.
I wonder what direction I might.
When I say I wonder,
It's like opening up my hand so that I can receive the inspiration and the ideas and open myself up to possibilities.
So let's start with an I wonder.
I wonder.
How much my life would change.
If I was able to promote.
The part of me that is my inner critic.
To the new role of being my inner cheerleader.
That's right,
So we're not going to try and stop the inner critic.
Or get rid of it,
But promote it,
Give it a new job.
Maybe with stock options,
Maybe with a corner office with more light,
Right,
To the inner cheerleader.
So can you feel the shift maybe in the energy with that?
We want to promote it.
This is a part of us that we'll explore a little bit later,
Is trying to keep us safe,
But it's really just slowing us down,
Right?
And so if we can promote it,
Give it a better job out of the inner cheerleader.
That propels us forward into motion and activity and creativity in a direction that we really want to go,
That's a powerful way to live.
And in my experience,
We are all creators.
Some of us write,
Some of us create art,
Some create business plans.
New relationships,
New levels of health.
We all create.
Except for when we experience the inner critic or self-doubt.
There are many ways to free ourselves so we can create our heartfelt dreams more freely.
And I always like to tell this to people because if anyone says,
This is the only way or you have to do it this way.
I have found that's not true.
There are many ways.
This way has worked with many,
Many people.
If you're open to it and you want to lean into it and give it a try,
I anticipate that it will work well for you.
We're going to start with a few simple,
Powerful,
And deeply important ideas.
Remembering and gathering evidence that you're creative.
So that's the idea,
Remembering and gathering evidence you're creative.
So many people carry the belief that they're not creative enough,
Or what they make doesn't matter,
Or what they do doesn't matter.
And over time,
Those thoughts can become stories.
Stories repeat to ourselves again and again.
So today,
I'd like to help you begin creating a different story.
A gentler one,
A more encouraging one,
A more truthful one.
Let's take a deep breath.
Hmm.
.
.
As more oxygen enters your body and brain,
You get more alert.
This is good because you have an opportunity to wake up to a greater level of empowerment.
Allow yourself to arrive here,
Whatever you're doing.
I once had a poet ask me this question in a workshop.
And I believe this question is something that many people secretly carry inside themselves.
She said,
What if I'm just not creative?
What if I'm not actually good?
I could feel their self-doubt.
Now,
I had never read any of her poems,
And to be honest,
If I had,
I'm not sure if I would know the difference between a good poem or a bad poem,
Or even if there is such a thing,
Because poetry is such an art form that some people are moved by certain ones and some people aren't.
But I'm a risk taker,
So I answered her question with a question.
I asked.
You've shared some of your poems to other people before,
Right?
" And she said,
Yes.
Then I asked,
Have you ever received feedback from someone who was genuinely moved by your work?
She paused for a moment,
And then she remembered a friend from her writing group who had been deeply touched by one of her poems.
Not fake praise,
Not politeness,
Real emotion and real connection.
And I followed up with questions with her to really let her get into that feeling and for her to know for herself,
This wasn't just someone saying,
Oh,
That's really great.
And I asked her,
Could you tell it was genuine?
And she said,
Yes.
And she could feel it.
She could feel it then,
And she could feel it right now again while we were talking.
Remembering the evidence is really important.
And here's the thing,
A few moments earlier,
She had been telling herself she wasn't creative.
But suddenly.
.
.
She remembered evidence that said otherwise.
And I think this happens to many of us,
And that's been my experience.
We forget the moments that mattered.
We forget the positive comments.
The times that we really touched someone and moved somebody or entertained them or celebrated them or brought wisdom or just compassion.
The moments when someone laughed,
Someone cried,
Someone felt seen,
Someone said,
I needed that.
And for those of us who create outside of the quote unquote art world,
There's successful work moments,
Successful relationship or parenting moments.
There's many times that we have created something and participated and done something that connected.
And because of our inner critic and the stories we tell,
We just sometimes forget these.
So the first step and one of the powerful steps is to remember the evidence of who we really are and what we have done and the positive things we have created.
Those moments matter.
That's the evidence.
And sometimes we need to intentionally remember it.
This doesn't mean we might be at a crossroads with a new challenge or opportunity and we might not know what to do.
No,
We're going to continue learning and that makes sense.
When we're learning something that,
You can't learn something you know already.
So it literally means I don't know this,
So I'm learning it,
So I'm gonna have those crossroads,
Myself,
You,
Everyone.
But we can still remember.
The value that we have brought in other situations,
And that can fuel us and give us the energy to move forward into the unknown.
If a fourth grader was having a hard time with multiplications and shouted,
I don't know math.
You could kindly remind them that they learned how to add and subtract,
And that is math.
Now they are just learning something new.
You might be surprised about how many writers,
Artists,
And executives that I've worked with who have absolutely forgotten the good stuff that they have created.
And it's really funny because when we work and we talk and then all of a sudden they're like,
Oh my gosh,
I really love to write.
Oh my gosh,
This is really great.
I had this incredible experience.
As you know,
There are very many award winners in life,
Right?
Oscars,
Golden Globes,
Grammys,
Et cetera,
Et cetera.
There's an idea that these people display their awards,
Right?
On a fireplace mantle,
On a shelf,
Somewhere.
And when stars have a rough day,
This is what I think,
I have not checked this out with anyone,
Or they're walking by,
Or they're doing laundry,
Or they're having a challenge of some sort,
They can glance over and they see this award and they go,
Oh yeah,
I know what I'm doing.
In my own house,
I have a copy of the book I wrote displayed where I can see it.
Not because I need to impress anyone.
But because sometimes I walk by it and remember,
Oh yeah,
I created that.
I wrote that.
And that reminds me that even if I'm caught in a moment of,
Oh,
This is a dark moment,
Nothing's happening,
What's going on,
And what am I gonna do next?
And I look over and I'm like,
Oh,
I wrote a book.
It's like,
Remember who you are.
And that's what we're talking about,
An opportunity to remember who you truly are in a creative and or artistic way.
Because quite honestly,
Doubt can be loud.
Fear can be loud,
And comparison can be loud.
And often the inner critic isn't even fully ours to begin with.
Sometimes it's built from voices we have heard growing up.
Parents,
Teachers,
Culture,
Criticism,
Or maybe even our own comparison.
If you believe in previous lives,
Maybe your previous life experience when we were pirates and truly not so good of people.
Might be.
Casting a shadow on our current day experience.
We hear something painful or limiting in enough times,
And eventually we might begin repeating it to ourselves,
Even when the original voices are no longer present.
And that's how an outer critic becomes our inner critic.
And over time,
That repeated inner dialogue can start to feel true.
Which is why positive feedback matters more than many of us realize.
When we courageously share our work and someone is genuinely moved by it,
That experience can begin creating a new internal story.
So let me repeat that again.
And if this is the only thing that you take away from this whole recording,
This might be the most profound thing.
When we courageously share our work and someone is genuinely moved by it.
That experience can begin creating a new internal story.
Because the feedback that they're giving us,
That they like something,
That they were moved by it,
That they were touched,
That it was beautiful,
It clashes.
It's incongruent with the story that we have running inside of ourselves.
And two opposite things cannot exist.
One has to give away.
We can either say,
Oh,
No,
It's no big deal,
Right?
We're deflecting theirs.
Or this recording is to encourage you to really hear them and take that to heart,
And then this is an awesome opportunity to start dismantling the inner critic.
When we courageously share our work,
And someone is genuinely moved by it,
That experience can begin creating a new internal story.
External source creates an internal story,
A healthier one,
A kinder one,
A more supportive one.
So gathering evidence is important.
Maybe you finished a painting.
Maybe you wrote a poem.
Maybe someone smiled when they heard your music.
Maybe someone told you your words helped them.
Maybe you did this or that at work or participated in a group or meeting in a way that made a difference.
Those moments count.
They are evidence that your creativity is real.
Remember them.
I encourage you,
When this recording is complete and before you listen to it a second time,
You find stories,
Trophies,
Memories that you may have forgotten and you display them.
Coaching clients copy and paste a whole bunch of positive thank yous from emails and texts into one place so they can read them when they are hesitating.
So they remember who they truly are.
At the time of this recording,
My wife and I have been married 29 years.
I recently found a photo of us in our 20s acting silly together.
It's on my desk now.
It reminds me that we are fun.
There's research showing that athletes often replay meaningful moments in their minds.
A touchdown,
A great play,
A single successful moment.
And replaying these stories can actually help build confidence and self-esteem in all areas of our life.
And when I say athletes,
I don't mean athletes as in necessarily just professional athletes.
I'm talking about anyone who played any sort of sport or played any sort of musical instrument in grade school or high school or wherever.
Having the ability to remember back to a certain moment can fuel us today.
It's been my experience that creativity can work the same way.
Instead of replaying embarrassment,
Criticism,
Or comparison,
What if you began replaying the moments that reminded you of how your creativity touched,
Moved,
Or scared someone?
Now,
I mean,
Of course,
You'd want it to be like a scary story and you're trying to scare them on purpose.
But what I'm saying is art is much,
Much bigger than just,
Oh,
What a beautiful painting,
Right?
We're creating all the time and in creating in different ways.
And Stephen King is very happy to scare people.
What if those became the stories you practice remembering?
What if you promoted your inner critic who's just trying to keep you safe?
Maybe don't share that because you're going to be made fun of,
Or you don't want to be vulnerable,
Or no one's liked your work before,
Or possibly might have shared something to,
You know,
There's a saying,
Don't go to a dry well for water,
Right?
So the idea of sharing something that's meaningful and heartfelt to someone that just can't receive it,
They're probably not going to give positive feedback.
So the inner critic might be saying,
Whoa,
Whoa,
Whoa,
Let's just slow that down because we want to stay safe.
But now that we're older and wiser and we're joining writers groups and we're able to discern better on who is open and willing to participate in creating more of the beauty and the adventures and the creativity of life,
We can choose those people.
And when we share that,
That positive feedback can start building and fueling and switching the inner critic to the inner cheerleader.
Long before my novel was published,
I shared pieces of it with writing groups and friends.
People laughed,
People wanted more.
And over time,
Those experiences slowly became stronger than the voice of doubt in my head.
Not overnight,
But gradually.
Now,
I've seen people deflect praise.
We mentioned this briefly.
If you do this,
You've got to stop that.
Think about a musician you like,
Any individual or group.
I'm a big fan of Bruce Springsteen,
Billy Joel,
And Billie Eilish.
What if they were so critical of themselves that they only sang in their cars so no one could hear them?
Would the world be a better place?
No.
And so many people enjoy their music.
So when someone acknowledges you for your work at the office,
Your leadership,
Or creative talent,
That means you've made the world a better place today,
Right now.
Remember that.
When we do,
This assists us with doing more.
Why sharing can be so powerful,
Not because we need constant validation.
But because sometimes other people can help reflect back to us something true that we've forgotten about ourselves.
And discernment matters too.
Not everyone is the right audience for your creativity.
For example,
If someone only enjoys historical romance novels,
They might not fully appreciate a robot western set on the far edge of the universe.
If someone only listens to classical music,
They may not understand a punk band.
That doesn't automatically mean the art has no value.
Sometimes it simply means the audience isn't aligned with the work.
So that is one way that we have to,
And I'll put a have to there,
Protect ourselves.
So part of creative growth is learning who can genuinely receive what you create.
Learning whose feedback supports your growth instead of shutting it down is important.
Finding an outer cheerleader can be really useful with shifting our inner critic to a fantastic cheerleader position.
The reader of my first screenplay that I wrote way,
Way,
Way long time ago in college was an incredible inner cheerleader.
And I've gone back and read that first screenplay and it was not that great.
But her positive comments and enthusiasm about the parts that she really enjoyed and the pieces of dialogue that was really witty or funny or.
.
.
Brought out the characters.
That,
I internalize that.
As I continued writing.
So let's go for a gentle reflection.
So I'd like to invite you to reflect for a moment.
And if you're walking,
That's fine.
If you're driving,
Obviously keep your eyes open,
Your hands on the wheel.
You can keep doing whatever you're doing.
This is an opportunity to remember a time when.
So someone appreciated something you created.
Someone was moved by your words.
Someone smiled because of something you shared.
Someone encouraged your creativity because they enjoyed it or it sparked something in them.
And more,
Maybe remembering a time when you got a thumbs up in a meeting.
Maybe years ago,
Maybe last month,
Perhaps an hour ago,
And we might have already forgotten it.
It's time to remember that now.
Maybe you dismissed it at the time.
Oh,
It was nothing.
It's not that good.
I wonder if you can allow yourself to remember it now.
I wonder if I can allow it myself to remember it now.
So go ahead and use the I language.
You can say it inside your head,
You can say it out loud if you've got the space to do that.
I wonder if I can allow myself to receive it now.
I wonder if I can allow myself to receive it now.
I recommend you begin gathering these moments if you're not doing this already.
That is why we hang up children's art.
That is why we display trophies.
Some people keep a journal,
Some people save messages,
Some people create digital files that pop up on their calendar every once in a while,
Or a screensaver.
Why?
To remind you of your wins.
It's good to remember that your voice matters and makes a positive impact in the world,
That your imagination has been celebrated.
So now it's time to explore the crazy possibility of promoting our inner critic to being our inner cheerleader.
Every promotion has to be accepted.
So what do I mean by that?
A boss may promote someone to a role or department they don't want.
Maybe it's not part of their ideal career path.
I refused a promotion a long time ago that would have led me far away from the creative adventures that I followed,
And I'm totally fine with that.
It was a very good choice way back when to say no thank you to this opportunity.
So let's check in with our inner critic.
It's my understanding that my inner critic wants to keep me safe.
I mean,
We talked about this briefly,
But let's go into it a little bit more.
That may sound ridiculous to you.
How can negative self-talk,
Which stops me from my heartfelt dreams,
Be trying to do something good for me?
Well,
If I don't try,
Then I won't do a bad job.
Don't make fun of me.
That could be driving an endocrinic.
And I'm sure there may be many other thoughts and possibilities.
So while we may not know the exact reasoning of the part of ourselves that self-doubts,
Let's just say its intention is to keep us safe from something.
So we have a part whose job is safety.
And we're not talking physical safety.
Looking both ways before crossing the street is a very good safety part to have,
And we want to keep that intact moving forward.
But what if we could promote our inner critic from trying to keep us safe by discouraging us?
To trying to increase our fun and joy.
By remembering creative wins and joyfully celebrating our positive engagements with others.
How much fun would that be?
Would that be a fun life to live?
And remember,
When we have more fun and joy,
Every part of us has more fun and joy.
Our elbows experience more fun,
Our shin bones,
And yes,
Even our inner critic gets to have more fun and joy.
So it shifts more and more from being the inner critic to the inner cheerleader.
Because as we have these experiences,
Everybody wins.
In closing,
I encourage you to begin gathering evidence for a new story.
A story where your creativity is alive.
A story where your expression matters.
A story where you trust yourself a little more.
Thank you for spending this time with me.
And thank you for continuing to create.
And I mean that.
I'm grateful for every song,
Movie,
Product,
Menu item that I enjoy.
I traveled last weekend for a friend's wedding.
As we explored the city,
A college kid was singing and playing his guitar.
My day better.
I'm so glad he didn't stay home and scroll that day.
I look forward to sharing another empowering idea with you soon.
Enjoy.
