The Skill Of Grieving: Finding Meaning In A Changing World

A kind voice practice for the eighth domain of integration: temporal integration.

In this two-voice call-and-response practice, phrases are offered and repeated. Listen, repeat silently, or join aloud.

Temporal integration is the skill of moving between certainty and uncertainty as time unfolds. Predictability grounds us while we remain open to impermanence and mortality. When stuck, certainty can harden into rigidity or denial; uncertainty into fear or chaos. Integration means practicing not knowing and taking action.

This science-informed practice helps listeners understand healthy grieving as a skill: feeling sorrow and disappointment, honoring what remains possible, and creating meaning with the time we have.

IPNB concepts: temporal integration; certainty/uncertainty; permanence/transience; mortality; grief; vision; meaning; purpose; FACES flow.
Reflections on grief are informed by Francis Weller’s Five Gates of Grief. Eighth in a nine-part series.

Second voice: Megan Bates.

Transcript

My kind voice says, At the eighth level, We take everything that we've learned, We take everything that we've learned. And we look at it through the lens of time. And we look at it through the lens of time. Time passing. Time passing. Like all the other levels. Like all the other levels. This is a skill I can grow. This is a skill I can grow. In its most unintegrated form. In its most unintegrated form, This level involves intense fear. This level involves intense fear, Leading to denial. Leading to denial. Fear that I will lose what I love. Fear that I will lose what I love, Including my youth. Including my youth, My beauty, My beauty. Leading to rigid attempts. Leading to rigid attempts to hold on to certainty, To hold on to certainty. In its more integrative form. In its more integrative form that still is still there. That still is still there. I can feel the reality. I can feel the reality. That something I love deeply. That something I love deeply. A child. A child. A pet. A pet. Will not last forever. Integration means I can think and talk about this in a way that brings my wizard brain online. I use skills like morality, Intuition, Regulation and fear regulation to make meaning with the time i have left to make meaning with the time i have left An example of this is preparing for end of life in ways that reduce suffering. In ways that reduce suffering for my loved ones. This requires the skill of practicing not knowing. Of practicing not knowing and still taking action. Another part of this level is learning to face the many forms of grief that come with being human. The truth that everything I love, I will lose. The truth that everything I love, I will lose. There are parts of myself that I have buried. There are parts of myself that I have buried. And I do not know. And I do not know. The grief of the sorrows of the world. The grief of the sorrows of the world. What I expected but did not receive. What I expected but did not receive. Including a deep sense of belonging in the world. Including a deep sense of belonging in the world, And the grief carried forward from past generations, Allowing these realities to be felt. Allowing these realities to be felt rather than avoided rather than avoided deepens my capacity. Deepens my capacity to integrate at this level. To integrate at this level. In the end, In the end, The goal is not to eliminate fear or grief. It is to hold both meaning and meaninglessness as part of the reality of time passing and to live with purpose as expressed through level, My ninth level, Identity integration, Identity integration.