Grief has been coming up a lot.
For me in this season of my life.
I'm finding.
That my body holds.
A lot of the knowings.
That I am.
I couldn't find words for.
And I still can't at times.
Something that I realized.
Recently was that and I will just share this experience with you.
Not in a way.
That calls for fixing of any kind.
Not in a way that puts me on a pedestal.
Higher.
Than you.
I prefer to.
.
.
Meet us where we can walk together and sit with one another.
In the messiness.
Which is my life.
So,
Recently.
.
.
My body has been.
More or less screaming at me,
And I've noticed that.
.
.
When I tune into it.
What seems to come up is peace and space.
I was recently in the hospital for.
.
.
Lower abdominal pain.
To the point that it was bringing me to tears.
Bringing me to my knees.
So I had all the tests done,
Imaging,
All of it.
And of course.
.
.
Everything's fine.
Yet the pain is still there.
A couple nights ago.
It came back more intense.
And that morning when I woke up.
It hit me.
Registered in my mind.
What day it was.
Before I hadn't even thought of it.
It hadn't even crossed my mind.
It was an anniversary,
You could say.
Of losing somebody.
That I've spent a significant amount of my life with.
So I am.
Found myself going down memory lane.
End.
By myself.
Grieving,
Not only for that loss.
But for who I was at that time.
Finding that I still care.
Needed to forgive her.
Because you see.
At that time my children.
Had lost their father.
I was not yet.
Aware.
Or standing in my power.
I still allowed the voices of others.
To overpower me.
I still.
.
.
Did not give myself permission.
I knew.
Even then I knew.
My children and I needed.
And that was space and time.
And peace,
To be together,
To grieve properly.
Yet the voices outside of me were saying,
Keep moving forward,
Keep going.
If they miss school,
They'll be behind.
You won't be able to pay your bills if you miss work.
So I,
I stuffed it down in and.
Continued moving forward.
And yet 13 years later.
It's starting to rise.
And physical pain.
And when I tune into it.
It's the same message.
Space and peace.
So I have a question.
Can the conscious mind.
Experience grief.
And other.
Emotions,
Other things that we have.
Buried deep within ourselves.
In our bodies.
Experience.
I need to correct that.
Can our bodies experience?
Not our conscious mind.
Can our bodies experience?
I don't know,
Emotions,
Feelings,
Things that we've buried.
Is it possible for the body to feel it before our minds are able to catch up?
Before our minds are even aware.
Is that possible?
So right now I don't have many words other than what I have said.
I invite you to sit with your breath.
I invite us to sit with our breath.
Any tension that might be in our bodies.
Maybe in our our throats maybe in our chest.
Maybe in our stomachs and belly.
And if you don't feel any tension,
I invite you to just.
.
.
Be a witness.
To sit alongside of us.
Sometimes when I and feeling emotional and overwhelmed.
End.
Clueless on how to fix it.
I am.
I might listen to music,
Or I might.
Play it.
So I invite you to.
To listen.
And see what might come up for you.
You you I invite you now.
To notice the body.
Notice what you notice.
I don't know what grief is supposed to look like.
I know how I feel.
I know.
When it feels tight.
And I now.
When it feels soft.
And open.
