Welcome.
This meditation is called I do not have to carry the room.
If you've ever walked into a room and immediately noticed someone else's mood.
You may know how quickly your attention can move toward them.
Before you even realized you're wondering what they mean.
Whether they're upset,
Or what you can do to make things feel better.
This practice is an invitation to bring some of that attention back to you.
To explore what it might feel like to care about someone and still stay connected to yourself,
Your own feelings,
And your own needs.
You don't have to let go of anything before you're ready.
You can simply listen and notice what feels supportive today.
Keep your eyes open or close them,
Whichever feels more comfortable.
And feel free to pause whenever you need to.
For the next few minutes,
Just notice the room around you.
Take a moment to settle into wherever you are right now.
You don't need to make anything happen.
You don't need to calm yourself down perfectly.
Just notice that you are here.
Notice the support underneath your body.
Notice your breath moving in and out.
And then gently bring to mind the experience of being around someone who is activated.
Maybe they are tense.
Maybe you notice they are irritable.
They might be worried.
They might have a sharp tone.
They might be withdrawn.
Or they might simply feel overwhelmed.
Maybe you can feel the shift in the room before anyone says a word.
And maybe your body knows that shift very well.
You might notice your shoulders tightened,
Your jaw clenched.
Your throat constricts.
Your stomach brace.
Your attention move away from yourself and toward the other person.
What mood are they in?
What should I say?
What should I not say?
Should I make myself quieter?
Should I wait?
Should I fix something?
Or should I try to make this better?
If you recognize yourself here,
Simply notice.
There's nothing wrong with you for having this response.
Your body may have learned a long time ago that paying attention to other people help you feel safer.
Monitoring the room may have been an intelligent thing to do.
Being careful may have been protective.
Trying to prevent someone else's discomfort may once have helped you belong.
So for a moment.
Rather than criticizing this part of you,
Let's acknowledge it.
Thank you.
Thank you for watching.
Thank you for trying to keep me safe.
And now,
Gently notice something else.
The person in front of you is allowed to have their own nervous system response.
They are allowed to be frustrated.
They are allowed to be worried.
They are allowed to be uncomfortable.
They are allowed to have a difficult day.
And you do not have to enter their experience with them.
You do not have to carry it in your throat.
You do not have to hold it in your shoulders.
You do not have to organize your body around their mood.
Take a breath.
And quietly remind yourself their experience belongs to them.
My experience belongs to me.
Let's say that again.
Their experience belongs to them.
And my experience belongs to me.
You do not have to push them away.
You do not have to judge them.
You do not have to convince them that they are activated.
You do not even have to understand exactly what is happening inside of them.
You can simply notice.
Something is happening over there,
And I am still here.
Feel the surface underneath you.
Notice your feet.
Notice your hands.
Notice the room around you.
Come back to your own body.
To your own breath.
To your own life.
And if a part of you still feels pulled toward the other person,
That is okay.
You are practicing in this moment.
You are learning that someone else can be uncomfortable and you can still remain connected to yourself.
Someone else can worry and you do not have to worry with them.
Someone else can be irritated and you do not have to brace.
Someone else can be disappointed and you do not have to fix it.
Someone else can have a strong reaction and you do not have to make yourself smaller.
Take another breath.
And perhaps there is some anger here too.
Anger about how much energy you have spent monitoring.
Anger about how often you have left yourself to take care of the emotional weather around you.
You do not need to get rid of that anger.
Let it tell the truth.
I am tired of carrying what is not mine.
I am tired of managing the room.
I am tired of believing that someone else's discomfort is my responsibility.
And underneath that anger,
Notice what you want.
Maybe you want your attention back.
Maybe you want your energy back.
And maybe you want your body back.
Or maybe what you're really after is wanting your life back.
Let yourself feel that.
I want to stay with myself.
I want to love people without carrying them.
I want to care without abandoning myself.
I want to be present without becoming responsible for everyone around me.
And now,
Slowly,
Offer your body a new possibility.
I do not have to prevent someone else's activation.
I do not have to regulate everyone around me.
I do not have to make the room safe by making myself smaller.
I can stay here.
I can stay with myself.
I can let another person have their experience.
And I can remain inside my own experience.
Pause here for a minute.
Let your body take in whatever it can take in today.
There is no need to force anything.
And when you are ready.
Gently remind yourself.
A safer inner world is not a world where nothing intense happens.
It is a world where intensity can happen and I do not have to abandon myself because of it.
