Mystery: The Identity Thief

Captain EJ has a special superpower...his incredible voice! In this episode: Fingerprints are being swiped right off the hands of innocent victims! Who is the perpetrator? Thumb through the case file and join Captain EJ on this emergency case with your very own Private Eye to assist.

Voices by: Captain EJ and Amanda Fobbos

Transcript

EJ 9-1-1,

Captain speaking.

Oh,

Hello,

Your honor.

It's not often that we get judges on the emergency line.

Is there a problem in your courtroom?

Wait,

You're transferring me to who?

Oh,

Hello,

Ma'am.

I don't know.

You called me.

Okay,

I'll hold.

How am I on hold?

I'm on an emergency line.

Bureaucracy.

Ugh.

This is why I work for myself.

Oh,

Hi,

No,

I was talking to my friend while on hold.

Why am I on hold?

Who is this?

Wow,

A private investigator?

Of course we'll help you with your case.

How many identities have been stolen?

30?

Whoa,

Someone has been busy.

We're on it.

Transferring to dispatch.

Hero,

This mission is a doozy.

Okay,

I definitely say that too much.

To be more specific,

This mission is a whodunit mystery.

Identities have been stolen left and right from all across the Honey Bee neighborhood.

Fingerprints are being swiped right off people's hands by an unknown perpetrator that lurks in the shadows.

But not for long.

Hero,

You and Captain EJ will be teaming up with a local private investigator who has been on the case.

He needs fresh eyes,

Ears,

And minds.

So I'm sending you both notepads with a very unsuspecting but high-tech pen.

We gotta go somewhat analog for this mission.

Oh,

And you'll need trench coats and a swanky detective hat.

There's no technology in them,

But you have to look the part.

Come to the command center.

I'll teleport you both directly.

EJ.

Captain EJ and Hero to the rescue.

Let's begin.

You are here,

Walking the last few steps up Mr.

Honey Bee's driveway to his garage.

The command center is nested behind an unassuming garage door so as not to draw any undue attention to the groundbreaking,

Earth-shaking technology within.

The big garage door is open,

So we let ourselves in but look around and don't see Mr.

Honey Bee anywhere inside.

We give each other the same look to ask,

Didn't he tell us to meet him here?

You point out where he set up the teleportation pad,

And I pick up the remote still on his workbench.

He should be here.

While I peek my head inside the inner door that leads to the house,

Mrs.

Honey Bee confirms that her husband should be out in the garage.

That's when you see a mysterious shadowy figure slyly spy from around the corner of the garage.

You laugh when you realize it's Mr.

Honey Bee,

Donning a full-film noir detective trench coat and a wide-brimmed hat tilted down to conceal his face and his penetrating thoughts.

Your giggle gets my attention,

And I cannot hold in my laughter quite as much as you.

Mr.

Honey Bee,

Please tell me you don't think that's what detectives are like in real life?

What are you referring to?

Does anyone know your real name yet?

What's the secret code?

You sent me.

There's no code.

What are you writing down?

Private notes.

Private eyes have to note everything.

The secret code is bananas.

Remember that.

Where were you the night of- Mr.

H,

Please always play the good cop in the good cop bad cop routine.

You can't pull off bad cop like this.

You're smiling.

I know,

Right?

I'm much better behind the scenes with technology.

But aren't these trench coats cool?

The hats.

The sunglasses.

I feel so neato wearing this.

Here it comes.

So incognito.

Did you get it?

Incognito?

Private investigator?

You can't see me because of my good disguise and detective skills.

I assure you,

We got it.

Okay,

Yours are over there.

And I have a miniature of the battle bus helmet as an earpiece.

Wow,

These are nice.

I can do a little private investigation in this.

And the hat.

And the earpiece.

Good work,

Mr.

Honey- Wait,

Where'd you go?

Mr.

Honeybee?

I can see you behind the wall.

That's not how detectives are in real life.

Just teleport us and stick to the prototypes.

We appear out of nowhere in the middle of nowhere.

Dormir's not-so-bustling downtown looks to be plucked from a country western movie.

We wonder if Mr.

Honeybee could teleport us some cowboy boots too as we approach a ramshackle building that looks like a saloon.

Donning our swanky new coats and hats with an earpiece,

Miniature of the battle bus helmet in our ears,

Armed with notepads and silver pens,

We're on the lookout for anyone.

Anyone at all out here.

Take a slow,

Deep breath in through your nose and strengthen each and every one of your muscles.

Really feel your own strength surge with your breath.

Then,

Slowly breathe all the way out through your mouth and allow your muscles to relax and your mind to follow.

We'll need to be sharp for this most strange emergency.

There seem to be more tumbleweeds than people.

That is,

Until you point out someone slinking about the side of the building,

Peeking around the corner at us.

Assuming that must be the private eye that simply doesn't see us,

We saunter over to him.

When he sees us,

He ducks back behind the building as if we didn't see him.

So as not to sneak up on him,

We announce ourselves as we round the corner and find him wearing a trench coat just like ours with his hat tipped down low to cover his face and sunglasses over his eyes.

He lifts up the hat ever so slightly and lowers one eye of the glasses then,

Promptly asks us for the secret code.

Bananas.

It's bananas.

I told you there'd be a secret code.

Wow.

A real-life private eye.

And you thought real detectives weren't like this.

Of course they are.

Astonished that Mr.

Honeybee was right,

Shouldn't have doubted me,

Captain.

This is going in the notes.

As I was saying,

Astonished that Mr.

H was right,

The private eye scribbles down the code word bananas on his notepad and even takes the time to draw a cluster of bananas with colored pencils while we watch and wait.

When he shows us his artwork,

His entire demeanor changes.

He welcomes us into his saloon with a smile and finally removes his disguise with a sigh.

His work on this case has been exhaustive.

This identity thief doesn't know when to stop.

Just this morning,

Five more sets of fingerprints have been lifted right off the hands of unsuspecting victims.

He reminds us that that's a total of 50 fingers that have been heisted with zero witnesses.

He's never seen such technology and he's at his wits end.

In all his years of investigation,

He's never seen technology like this or crimes like this or cases like this.

He sighs hopelessly.

We shoot each other a knowing look.

That's the same sentiment we had,

Hero,

Right before we defeated the knucklers.

We don't want to have the knucklers take up any more space in our minds or lives than they have to.

This is something else,

Someone else.

It has to be.

After a long,

Drawn-out pause,

You ask why the judge was the one to call in to the emergency line.

The private eye perks up,

Eyes sparkling with some excitement.

The judges,

Not one but several,

Are his only lead in the case.

He's taken name-change petitions,

But they were all denied due to suspicion of fraud.

Mysteriously,

All the name-change petitions come back to one person,

But he hasn't been able to find this person.

He seems to be completely off the grid.

No public records that even a highly-connected private eye can get access to.

He checks his notes.

The dumbfounded look we give the investigator answers his questions for him.

We do know him and know him well.

We also know exactly how to find Thumb once again.

We hightail it to the knuckler compound and simply knock on the door.

The private eye is flabbergasted and disappears behind the corner of the compound,

Slinking about unnecessarily.

To his surprise,

Pinky Knuckler opens the door.

The investigator never considered something as easy as knocking on the door.

Pinky,

Why is your face singed like that?

Are you seriously doing alchemy again?

No one has ever turned lead into gold.

That's why I'm using silver.

And yes,

I will be the world's first true alchemist.

How many times must things blow up in your face?

At least two more times.

Then I'll learn.

What do you want?

I'm busy.

He's slinking about around the corner.

That's a private eye.

He's very private.

Anyways,

Where's Thumb?

We need to talk to him.

I haven't the slightest idea.

But when you find him,

Please send him back.

I initially thought I was glad he was gone.

And I told him as much.

A silver concoction again?

My vision is still blurry from the last explosion.

Oh,

Goodness.

I gotta go.

The investigator is furiously taking down notes,

Which reminds us that Mr.

Honeybee gave us that silver pen.

As we make our way around the entire town of Dormir,

Interviewing victims and documenting the relentless hands of all sorts of people,

We decide to take some notes ourselves and come to find that these pens write awfully fast.

That's right,

Captain EJ.

These pens write as fast as your mind thinks.

I figured you'd be able to put together the puzzle of clues faster that way.

People of all sorts have lost their fingerprints and their identities to Thumb.

A Thumb has stolen a finger,

Prince.

.

.

No,

Now is not the time for jokes.

But I note that one down for later.

Thumbknuckler has tried to assume the identity of every sort of person with every sort of occupation,

And even one pup has lost his pawprints.

The fingerprintless victims don't yield any further clues as to where Thumb could be,

But after some furiously fast scribbling,

You have an idea.

The private investigator,

Who has been so incognito throughout the interviewing phase that we haven't seen him at all,

Pops out of a bush to record your idea.

Didn't Thumb and Pinky have a treehouse hideout in the forest?

As soon as you say that aloud,

The pen acts as a sort of weathervane and points from where we stand.

The pen is merging our thoughts with our intentions to solve this case.

The investigator is amazed.

Sure enough,

We find Thumbknuckler stowed away in his hidey house sitting amidst hundreds of fingerprints that hang up on his wall on transfer paper.

He's sitting on the floor,

Hunched over a sheet of transfer paper,

Diligently transferring his latest victim's fingerprints up for use when we climb up the treehouse ladder with the private investigator and startle him.

Thumb.

What?

Hi,

Captain EJ.

Hi,

Hero.

How are you?

So you're not going to acknowledge the literal theft in your hands right now?

Oh,

Uh,

No.

Let's not talk about it.

Oh,

Okay.

Let's just leave him to it,

Hero.

We can go get some ice cream with the private eye.

What private eye?

He's hiding.

He'll peek out when you say something about why you're committing these crimes.

Oh,

Right.

Well,

I don't want to be a Knuckler anymore.

All the judges denied my name petitions when I was brought.

They don't even know me.

Would you say those judges are onto something,

Considering you've stolen hundreds of identities?

Yeah,

I guess so.

Wow,

You're really sharp,

Captain EJ.

Hold out your hand.

No,

Thumb.

You can't have my identity either.

Oh,

Is that the private eye that took a picture with the flash?

Yeah,

That's him.

Tell us what's going on,

Thumb.

Let's resolve this.

Thumb Knuckler explains that he's fed up with how Pinky treats him.

He doesn't want to be a part of his family anymore or a brother to Pinky,

But he feels trapped by his name.

Pinky doesn't appreciate all that Thumb does,

And that's all Thumb wants,

A little appreciation.

Not even like a full thank you,

Thumb.

It could be a simple smile or even just a thank.

I'll say the you for him,

You know.

But no,

Pinky is just mean.

He demands I do all this alchemy for him,

And he won't even do anything I want to do,

Or even talk to me while I stir the molten silver.

I'm done with Pinky.

Absolutely done.

We get it,

Thumb.

It's demoralizing to give so much without getting anything in return.

Reciprocation is the key to healthy relationships.

I have an idea.

The problem isn't your name.

It's your brother.

He needs to realize how much he needs you.

Okay?

You need to hide.

Like,

Really hide.

Private Eye,

Where did you go?

I actually need your help on the case.

We don't need to document any more evidence.

I can see the flash.

Once we coax the Private Eye out of hiding,

We have him stash Thumb away somewhere we don't even know.

For our plan to work,

Thumb needs to be gone mysteriously.

Captain,

Can you please not be so obsessed with me?

I understand you want to learn from my evil ways,

But I simply cannot be your friend right now.

Did you find Thumb?

My silver is ready.

That's why we're here,

Pinky.

It seems Thumb has completely disappeared.

From all the evidence collected,

It seems he's been kidnapped.

What?

Not my Thummy.

We have to find him.

I'm coming for you,

Brother.

Pinky Knuckler has an about-face attitude change when he thinks his beloved brother,

Whom he does not appreciate,

Has gone missing.

He flees to their numerous hideouts,

Checks all of Thumb's favorite spots around town,

And ends at the treehouse,

Where we have staged a kidnapping.

Thumb's identity thief tools and fingerprint swiper are strewn about the wood floor.

Pinky is taken aback.

Brother!

You did successfully transfer prints.

I wasn't able to make it work,

But you did.

Brother,

Why didn't you tell me?

We have to find him.

Now!

Captain,

Find him!

We've done all we can,

Pinky.

He's just gone.

Looks like you got your way.

No more little brother to bother you.

Too bad we don't appreciate things and people when we have them.

It doesn't come until they're gone.

While Pinky reacts to what he assumes is the worst news of his life,

We see where the private investigator has stashed Thumb.

They're both on the roof of the treehouse,

Peeking down through one of the windows,

Watching this whole emotional scene play out.

Pinky throws himself to the floor,

Cursing his own selfishness.

He vows that if he were to have Thumb back,

Even for one minute,

Then he would change his ways completely.

Why did you have to be so selfish?

Why?

We let it go for a moment longer to really give Pinky some time to feel the consequences of his actions.

When he gets to the point of listing out all the things he appreciates about his brother,

Thumb cannot hold back any longer.

He leaps in through the window and Pinky assumes he's escaped the clutches of a kidnapper.

Their reunion is sweet,

A side of the evil brothers we've not seen before.

Pinky vows to his brother directly that he will never take him for granted again and Thumb sobs with joy.

And the private investigator gets a great picture for the family photo albums.

We know Pinky and Thumb,

And thus we know that this sensitive,

Emotional moment will not last for long.

Both of us think the same thing and write it down on our notepads to confirm.

We need to get that swiper.

Pinky and Thumb all but think the same exact thing at the same exact time.

So you and I dive for the technology before they can get their hands on it.

I stash the swiper and you grab all the fingerprints to return to their rightful owners.

Mr.

Honeybee teleports us out of there just in the nick of time,

And he thinks it's just us.

But we soon realize someone else was hiding in the background of our teleportation.

Mr.

Honeybee finally gets to meet his favorite private eye,

And together they inspect this fingerprint swiping technology and detail its mechanisms on their notepads.

We laugh a little laugh and hang up our detective hats because this case has been solved.

That concludes our adventure.

I can't wait to see you again.

Captain EJ,

Over and out.

Reviews

Oh thumb— always wrestling the duality… helped me to sleep a bunch of times! Thank you !❤️🙏🏼