Awareness Satsang: Innocence Regained

In this loving Satsang, Premasudha highlights the feeling of Peace Beyond Understanding.
She asks us to allow emotions to rise up within us because they provide the inner fuel for sincere prayer. This helps us overcome the wall of alienation that many feel within.

This process is similar to a river breaking through a dam. All of a sudden we have awoken to the deeper truth and we cannot go to sleep again.

An important step is to learn to become more dispassionate, so we can experience these emotions and observe them rather than acting on them in a reactive and unconscious manner.

Premasudha also teaches us to embrace our heart's knowledge and not to dismiss or judge its subtle knowledge. It can take time for us to do this because the intellect is so overvalued in this culture.

By always honoring our heart's knowledge, we can regain the innocent capacity to love that we had as a child. That is the promise of all authentic religious teachings.

Many blessings.

Transcript

So today, There are several threads, But the biggest thread that I'm feeling is, It's like a sadness, Really, About how it is for us, For us humans, And our confusion, And the way that we're doing the spiritual journey with our heads so much. And, You know, If I request that this week, That you really speak to the Creator and ask to feel. Okay? Do it with your whole heart. Ask to feel. Because, You see, We were talking yesterday about that numb alienation within, That we've all been trained into. It's sort of like a layer of cement. It's like a layer of concrete reality. Now, Some of you have gone through it, And you've cleared it. But many of you are, This is what you're struggling with, And this alienation that's carried by your cells, That's coming from this life and other lives, It keeps you heady and attached to concrete reality and to things and people, And it walls you off from the Divine, From feeling God. You see, And if you haven't really felt God, You can listen to sad sayings till the cows come home, And you don't have a reference point. Now, The hard thing is, With our egos, Our egos don't want us to have a reference point. They don't want us to know about God at all. They don't want us to know the truth of us, And it's just because the ego thinks there is no God. Do you understand this? Please understand this, That your ego was formed in your sorrow and anger as a little kid. It's formed on you feeling that there is no God. So, This is the trouble, When we're making that step to bond to our true nature, There is this ego that's going, You know, Red alert, Red alert, Don't do it, Don't do it, You're going to die. But really, It's the ego who dies. Now, Some of you know this territory, And you've gone through ego deaths, And so you're braver. There's more of you that's lodged past this wall of alienation. There's more of you that you've had more experience with feeling God, Like feeling it in your body, Feeling the peace beyond any understanding. But some of you haven't, And that's why you doubt. And, You know, I said, Like, It is possible to sit in front of any teacher and even to spend time with Amma and not get it. And this is making me incredibly sad today, That it's like this for us. And, You know, Time's passing, The days go by. So, That's why I'm asking you to ask to feel more this week. Really, Really put your heart into it, To feel more, Anything, Anything, Whether, Whatever comes up. You know, Happiness, Sorrow, Rage, Whatever, Just be willing to feel more, Because if you can allow yourself to feel more, You can get past this wall of alienation. Because this wall of alienation doesn't want you to feel. And when I'm speaking to people, I can see how they habitually will shift into their heads. As soon as what I'm saying gets close to their heart, They will immediately run into their heads. So, You see, No teacher can do it for you guys. You know, Any teacher has learned to surf the waves of difficult emotions and difficult thoughts, And to keep, You know, Holding on to even the mere hope that God exists, Which is, Come on, You guys, That is what the spiritual journey is like sometimes. It just, You know, It's just the tiny 0. 05 faith that maybe God exists, And 99. 95% of, You know, Thinking maybe it's all a bunch of hokey. So, You see, You guys, I mean, If you can ask to feel more emotions, Then you can actually start creating an engine that will help you through this wall of alienation. It is the strong emotions that propel our journey in lots of ways. Like, You know, The more desperately we pray, Or, You know, The greater the anger that you can feel, The other side of that is you know, Well, I'd say really the greater the sorrow that's there. But, You know, It's like, If you can feel these extremes of emotions and not lose your balance, You're beginning to learn dispassion, Which Alma talks about, The dispassion to sort of be less reactive, To be able to and walk around feeling rage, But then still be polite with the person when you're buying groceries. Yeah. And you can let, You know, Rage sees you and walk around in it and, And go like, Okay, This is clearing. I just, There's something that needs to happen, You guys, There's, There's something that needs to happen so that you become braver. Yeah, I, I really, It's, It, It has to happen. I can feel it just has to happen. Because if you think of the insanity of being scared to go more deeply on the journey, When the whole earth is collapsing into chaos, It's like, What are you waiting for? You know, Like, Hello, You guys. Yeah. It's, It's a moral decision. You know, Sometimes you just have to tell your head to sit down and shut up and stop bothering you. Tell your thoughts to just go away, That you're fed up, You're just not going to listen anymore. You guys speak to me so often about all your fears, And I'm like, Oh, My God. What is the point of telling me about your fears? Like, What's the point? Like, It's sort of like, You know, Climbing a mountain and, You know, Somebody's on a ledge, And they saying, I'm scared, And you reach down, Put a hand to pull them up. And they go, They're scared, They're scared. And it's like, You just take my hand. Yeah, But I know that like, You can't help it. You can't help but tell me about your fears. Fears come up. But it's almost like we're stuck. We're stuck here. Right now, The whole group stuck. Like, I can feel it. Like, I don't know what to do about this. You know, Part of where the earth is, And where it's challenging is, In our development, You know, We've had divas and, You know, Fairies to help us take care of Mother Nature. And now we're at the point where we're like, Teenagers, We're evolving to the point where we have to take on more responsibility. You know, It's just like a kid hits a teenager, Teenagehood, And they start learning to babysit, And maybe they get more chores. They get more responsibilities, And it's preparation for adulthood. And right now, We're at this cusp where we're moving from, You know, Not being very spiritually advanced at all, To the divas and the fairies that usually take care of Mother Nature are leaving. It's for us to come into this comprehension of the Creator and of unconditional love, And this reverence for Mother Nature, To return to the reverence of Mother Nature that we had in the very early days. It's like innocence regained. We need to regain this innocence. And to regain the innocence, We have to learn to love ourselves. It's like love Mother Nature, And love each other, And love ourselves. And this is where so many have trouble. And it's not even your fault you have trouble. I'll explain it again. I've said it a few times, But in the dawn of humanity, We were functioning like babies and small toddlers. We were very, Very simple. And, You know, The sun rose in the sky, And Mother Nature, We gave a praise for the sun for rising every day, And love and respect for Mother Nature. But, You know, There wasn't much character development, Not much skill development, And so we brought in the masculine as we evolved. We needed to bring in more of the masculine energy, The energy of individuation, Of differentiation, And that helped us develop skills. And it just helped societies become more complex. But now we've gone to an extreme with this overdevelopment of the masculine. So like Michael was talking yesterday about that we're always measuring ourselves and quantifying ourselves. We're measuring and quantifying everything. Everything is oriented toward productivity and, You know, Creating wealth. And these are all very outward action in the world, Masculine things. We've just gone too far. So now we have to come back, Come back to center, Come back, Allow more of the feminine, Turn inside, Recover our connection to our hearts that we've lost. And all you guys are saying, Oh, I'm scared to, I'm scared to, And I get it. But it's a lot scarier not to do it. Yeah, Bottom line. So if you just come along with me a little bit more, Think about this week of asking to feel more deeply, To feel, Just to feel. If you really decide to, You will, You see. Then you could take a page out of Premasuddha's book which was, I would just decide things. I go, I'm going to feel more. And I did. And you could ask that, You know. The creator, Amma, Keeps you balanced and self-aware. But so many of you are just circulating in your heads to the point of kind of insanity in a funny way. Like, It looks insane to me just because it's, I know it's how we're taught, But it's just so useless. But I remember doing it, You see. All the stuff you say and do, I remember. In the spiritual journey, There, If you think of a box and think of light, Light. Okay. So some people approach the spiritual journey in like a box. Like, They will do, They will set up, They're very comfortable with setting up practices and a routine of practice. And rituals. Very comfortable doing them. They can even be comfortable doing yoga because of the structure of it. And it's something to do. So it's like the ego, You know, Likes this in a way. It likes the doing and it likes like a program to follow. But actually, If you're doing it really sincerely, The ego will gradually die. And these practices, They're useful. They keep us stable. Amma says, You know, Practices are crucial to hold you steady during the ups and downs of the journey. So it's all very valuable. Now, The other polarity is like this light. So there's some people who are the kind of ecstatics. They follow the light. They're not so good on following spiritual practices. They're not so good on that, On the box, About the structure. They're not good in the structure. They're often uncomfortable with the structure. Now, Both ways get lost. Okay. I want you to really understand this. Both ways get lost. The way of the structure, What can happen then is the person does the structure, But it becomes more and more rote, By rote, And it gradually loses the heart. The spiritual practice, It's just like, It's like the practices can be done like saying, Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be, That does not help. Okay. That is the danger of the structure of the box. The danger of the light is a person follows a light and they maybe feel it. They go, Oh, I've got it. This is it. And then their resistances come up and they start going off the path. Now, You can see this with artists. You could see that, You know, Artists will, You know, The conventional, The classic, The artists, You know, They're doing their work. They may even feel they're connecting up to God, But they'll be like development of alcoholism or there'll be drug use or they'll go bankrupt or anything. It's like all over the place. It's just the classic caricature of the chaotic artist is the opposite. Or a spiritual seeker who sets off on the path and then gets really, Really kind of lost and sometimes even twisted along the way because they followed their intuition too much. And their intuition was contaminated by their ego. And they got off and left field. And personally, That is what I think would have happened to Premasuddha if she hadn't met Amma. Because I was doing that way, Like following after my son's the experience of the leukemia, The experience of light, And then I was just following. So luckily. Okay, So both ways get lost. And this is where both types of people have to be ready to sort of self-correct, To be aware of the vulnerability of their way and make sure that they're correcting. It's like a person who's like ecstatic needs to make sure there's enough structure, That there's a structure to their practices. And the person who's doing the practice needs to make sure that they're not losing the heart of the journey. And that not just the practices is just going into habit and kind of a meaninglessness. Okay, These are things that we as individuals have to be responsible for and self-correct for, But not in a punishing way. It's just like, It's just the other side of a coin, You know, It's the yin and the yang, You know. But the journey takes, You know, To really do it well, You need to have the self-awareness to be able to see your own vulnerabilities and or your own blind spots, And to do what you can to mitigate them. Yeah. Some of you are feeling hollow. Some of you are in despair. You know, The days pass, And if you just keep going, Your soul unravels all the complexes. You know, Somebody wrote and said that they were having, They noticed their neck was really stiff after yesterday. And, You know, The neck is our perspective, You know, How much can we move our neck, You know. Lots of times we get locked into a particular perspective coming from our childhood, And it will even be in the muscles of our neck. And when we're letting go of that, We can have a really, Really stiff neck. And the complexes, The thoughts that, You know, If we look at our thoughts, We'll see that there's a battle going on between kind of expansive thoughts and more restrictive thoughts. We will be able to see the battle of our egos to try to keep us more narrow in our perspective. And as this is, You don't have to do anything, It's just to observe it. And as that happens, The neck will loosen up, And your perspective on yourself and on life will broaden. Yeah, There's, I'm feeling a kind of hopelessness with trying to get through to you guys. It's as if there's a real hesitation to just be real in the way that Prama Sutta models. But that's what we need for the journey. Okay, This is what you need for your progress. This is what brings innocence regained. We're very comfortable with our humanity when we're younger, And as we grow older, We falsify, You know, We play the game. We can even become like monkeys, Performing monkeys. And then when we come back to ourselves, It's innocence regained. You're just yourself. You're just your human being. You're just yourself. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm feeling like, As a group, The group energy is, You're not wanting to connect up with that. Some of you try to. And in a funny way, I don't really know what I'm asking of you, But I'll feel it when you do it. When you make this connection, We'll all know. I feel like I'm sort of saying to you, Come on, Come on, You guys, Come on. And you're all going, Um, No, Not ready. Not ready. Sort of like a mom going, Come into the water, You know, Come in. A little kid going, No, It might be cold. No, I've got a tummy ache, Mom. It's kind of like that. Some of you that should be coming to the question and answer, Some of you, You know, These, Some of you are, Um, You know, Coming and listening. It's good. But if you came to question, Answer, And engaged, Um, You, Your ego wouldn't be able to pull you into your hiding places. You guys, It is really easy to be deluded on the journey about your progress. You need direct interfacing with a teacher. Otherwise, I'll tell you, You're just going to get deluded. All but, You know, About 0. 0002% who come in with very little stuff. But for the rest of us, Virgin souls, You know, We need a teacher. We need to interface with this teacher, At least sometimes. Or do question and answer and come forward. You know, Amma says this, Everybody needs a teacher. Has anybody got any questions or comments? You know how we do it. We make a soup together. And usually there's some movement and it all has a happy ending. I have a question for Masuda. Yes. Alex, Good. Yeah, Sweet one. Good. I'm glad you're coming forward. Yes. I was thinking, As you were describing the two personalities of, You know, The structure and the box and the going to the light. And at first I thought, I don't feel like I'm either of those. And then I thought, No, I feel like I'm both of those. Like, I really can relate to doing both. And so it kind of seems like a silly question. But can you be between them? Or can you be kind of going from one to the other? Because I feel like I definitely do the box thing and the structure, But I also feel like I'm actually not very good at keeping routine and would like to be more consistent with spiritual practice. I guess in a kind of a self-critical way, I feel like I'm relating to the pitfalls of both sides. Yeah. Sweetie, I feel desperate need for you to love yourself, Sweet one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love your sweet sauce. Yeah. So how do you feel when I'm saying this? Oh, I feel sad. Yeah. But relief that I'm feeling the swell of that. Sure, That you're feeling the swell of that? Like the swelling of emotion, Of that sorrow coming in feels relieving. But yeah, Sorrowful. Yeah. I've been feeling lately just how tightly attached I am to people and things. And I cry at just how attached I am. And it's partly crying at the thought of detaching from them. And also at the frustration that something you said recently that's been helpful has been, You know, Praying to be more willing. I'm really been holding on to that a lot. That's been helping. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just gonna feel in. You know, Sweet one, The strongest thing I feel is that there's some misunderstanding that you're caring that makes it all more complex than it needs to be. Yeah. And yeah, Really, I'm, I mean, You've actually been breaking my heart over some weeks, Because I haven't known really what to say to you. Like, You, You know, You come, I love seeing you, But you know, There's not much interchange. And I have the feeling that, You know, The whole journey, There's, It's such a conflicting walk in a way for you, Raising the kids and, You know, Being in this world, And then part of you sort of wants to ace the journey or something. There's something where I feel misunderstood by you, Often. And, And that it's, It's made way more complicated and way more heartless than the truth is, Or what I'm trying to express to you. There's way more heart in it, Alex. Yeah, There's way more heart. And it's like, You know, Sure, We're going to be attached to, We've got small kids and a husband. We're going to be attached. See, I can't feel, I can't feel talking to you, Whether you were really feeling the deep sorrow of attachment so that you could become, That would actually lead you into more freedom, Or whether you were just kind of giving yourself a hard time. I can't feel which you were doing. Hmm. Yeah. I suspect that maybe you were just giving yourself a hard time. And this is what worries me, Alex. Like, I don't want the spiritual journey to end up just being a blight on your life, Taking all the fun out of things. Yeah, This is my concern. You get what I'm saying, Right? Do you? Yes, Yes. I don't want that. Like, Please don't do that. You'd actually be better just walking away from it and just enjoying life. I'm not suggesting that you leave the group, Okay? Like, I'm not suggesting I'm not pushing you away. I'm just, It shouldn't be a blight that takes your fun away. Yeah. Yeah, I feel that. Right. Right. Right. Right. So how are you feeling right now? I'm kind of laughing and crying. Yeah, It's because I do, I do feel that, Like, I'll feel guilty for just wanting to enjoy my life, Or enjoy, Like, The good things, The blessings, The privileges that I have. I feel guilty about it. Right. And then I know, Like, This can't be it. This can't be the way. No. So yeah, You're really, You're really speaking to it. Yeah. Yeah, Good. I'm relieved. I'm glad. And it isn't just you, There are others who this will really be hitting home to. Because it is commonly what people do. But I feel it particularly in you. And you're, You're raising these three little munchkins, Like, I don't want to, I want to, I don't want to, I don't want your, To add to your unhappiness. To add to any unhappiness, To make, I don't want to be an agent of, Of confusion for you, Do you see? Or of you feeling guilty about just enjoying life. Like, It's good to enjoy life. A good food, A good dinner, Good food. It's a lovely, It's lovely for everybody. For being able to buy yourself a nice jacket. It's nice. It's okay. It's okay. Yeah. Is that a little guy coming to do? Yeah, The kids, They, Two of them come upstairs. Yeah. Of course, Isn't that the way? They're whispering, But they're, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Please, Like, You have permission to enjoy life. Okay. Yeah. I mean, Maybe we could just leave it like that. How about you just have permission to enjoy life? Really? You're, You're off the, You're off the hook. You have permission to enjoy life. And we can dialogue again. You know, In the satsangs, We can see how you're doing. But one, One thing, If you can, One thing that really helped me, Sweetie, Was I could not fix myself. So I, I really did focus on just self-compassion. You could play a bit like that. And I'll feel it. If you're bringing in more self-compassion, I will feel it. But you, But you don't have to just take all the heat off and enjoy your life. All right. Don't even worry about self-compassion. Okay. Good. Okay. Good. Thank you. Okay. Blessings. Oh, Thank you, Sweetie. Yeah. Listen, Everybody's in this. This is what everybody does to themselves. You know, It's just moms with little kids are vulnerable. So I don't want you to do this. Anyway. Thank you. Good. Good. Thank you. Thanks for speaking up, Alex. Thanks. Yeah. Good. You see, It's the humanity that I was talking about, You know, Just being ourselves. Yeah. Is anybody else got any comments? Michi, How are you doing? Michi? She's left. That's funny. Here she is. Michi, I want to know how you're doing, Sweet one. Hi. Yeah, I think I'm fine. I'm not quite sure, But I think it's okay. You're feeling okay? Good. All right. The quality is at the moment. Now I'm quite smooth. Oh, Good. Yeah, Right. Oh, So you're enjoying being at home. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, Good. It's always lovely to see your sweet face. Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Franka, How are you doing? Hi, Everyone. Hi, Pramasutta. Well, There's a lot of darkness coming up right now. I'm leaving for the ashram tomorrow. So I'm sorry. It's like almost New Year's. So there's a lot of bombs going on around me. So don't worry about any noise. That doesn't sound normal. Oh, Okay. Yeah, There's a lot of darkness coming up right now. And I'm kind of excited to go to Amritapuri tomorrow. Yeah. And had a lot of Christmas preparation and Christmas holidays. And yeah, A lot to do and a lot to feel through that. And yeah, I can feel that. Yeah. And I can feel on to two weeks vacation. Yeah. Take the time for myself. We'll see you at the ashram. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks for asking. Yeah. I'll ask all of you guys. I'd love to ask all of you to have time. Susan, How about you? How are you doing? I'm doing okay. When you started in talking about the wall of alienation, I swear this has happened before, Where you're just like, That's exactly how my day has been today. Like, Like, I just get, I've been really absorbed in my head and too many thoughts and unable to feel like I've been feeling really numb and then feeling very sad about not being able to, To feel. And, And then when you said you didn't know how to solve it for us, I was really disappointed because that's what I was hoping for. I was hoping you could tell us what to do. Tell me what to do today. But I knew that coming to Satsang, Regardless of if you have the answer or not, I knew that it would help pull me out. And I think I'm just, I'm feeling, I think it's just a lack of self love that comes up for me. And that I'm trying, That I'm really trying to, Yeah. Susan, I'll tell you what I'm getting. And this is, It's not just you that does this. A lot of women do, Does this, Do this. There's a lot of subtle knowledge that your heart wants to bring to your attention. But you, It's like you, You need permission. It's like, I'll give you permission to accept this subtlety, Pay attention to the subtleties. You're looking, It's sort of like you're looking for a big answer for something, Something. And it's, The answer is a whole, A very subtle knowledge that's in your heart that you need permission to accept, To allow, To allow. It's like you, You kind of want to smooth it, Smooth it away. You want to just, Yeah, Like smooth it away. Yeah. I feel the, I feel my, My own resistance to allowing, Allowing it to like full bloom. Do you know what I mean? I've been so practiced at just pushing it down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So part of it coming up is good. You know, Sometimes we walk around, We feel really alienated and, And, But this is just clearing. So just keep saying, You know, Talking to God, Just do your best with it. I mean, Hearing this for me directly, I am giving you permission to feel these subtleties. Okay. Yeah. So it's like, Don't argue with the teacher. You've got, You've got an awakened teacher who's saying this to you. Just go. Yes. Yes. And I'm, I'm grateful. I truly am. Yeah. Just say, Oh, I'll do it. And then just keep it in mind. Just, Just keep it in mind. Yeah. Okay. That's good. Okay. You, You know what? You just stepped through some separation there. It's very good work. Yeah. I mean, I've actually had a beautiful holiday. It's been wonderful, But it's like these, You just have these, I just have these little waves of resistance. And today it was one. And, Um, Thank you for being, Thank you all. And, And thank you Pramasutra. Thank you. Yeah. Just observe the resistance. It's just, You know, You know, Comes up. Yeah. It's good. Good. Alicia, I want to know how you're doing. Thanks, Susan. Alicia, How are you doing, Sweet one? Okay. You got my blessing, Sweet one. Okay. Okay. Jenna, How about you? Hi, Everybody. Um, I'm feeling, Um, That hopelessness that you talked about. I've been feeling that the last few days being with my family over this was, Um, Yeah, It was really tough. And, Um, I'm just, I'm feeling like envious actually of, Um, Those of you that get to go be with Amma. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in, In the world right now. That's what I feel. So, Um, Okay. So just when hopelessness comes up, It is a hopelessness of the child clearing. Okay. So we feel it again, But if you're sincerely on the journey, It's just, It's coming up to be cleared. And sometimes it comes up very intensely, But it's actually leaving yourselves of your body. I would go through intense periods of hopelessness. Yeah. But just be with it. You know, Jenna, This, The, This part of your journey, I mean, You're, You're getting over that really strong head of yours. So the first two or three years of the journey are really tough when we have strong heads. Okay. Yeah. So you're in the really hard slog and as you develop more trust, It's going to get easier. Okay. You, You, You get caught in your head, Like way too easily. I know. Yeah. Sorry, Sweetie. That's just the bottom line. I'm not laughing at you. It's just, It's just, You know, Yeah. I'm not laughing at you, But it's, You know, Yeah. Feel the sorrow of getting so stuck in your head so easily. It's like, Yeah, It's like you, You can get full of prickles and you, And you get stuck in all your prickles. Right. Right. Do you see that? Right. Okay. That's it. And you know what? The prickles, They, They go, They get smaller and they go. I promise you. And it's like, You really want the, You know, To come into your heart. And at the same time, You're really comfortable with being this way. I wish I knew how to get passed up. Right. Yeah. This, This is the prickles of the feminine. This is where, You know, The, The prince has to come sometimes and, And move through the prickles to get through to the feminine, To get through to her heart because she's got so many prickly defenses. Yeah. Sweetie, I had so many prickly defenses, You know. Tell me one good thing about you. I love. You do. Yeah. You do. You do. Yeah. No matter what you do. Right. Right. Right. And that's, That's your goddess. That's the God in you. You do. It's actually the strongest thing about you. That and your honesty, When pushed, You get very honest. It's very good. You're just like the caterpillar of the goddess. Really? You're the caterpillar stage of the goddess. And you're moving, You will move into, You know, The chrysalis. And you will emerge in your full feminine and you'll do it when you get fed up with this shit. Yeah. Really? When you just get fed up with. Yeah. You just won't be able to do it anymore. Yeah. Very beautiful, Sweet one. Yeah, Good. Good. Yeah, You are. Yeah. And that self-compassion, Sweet, Sweet. Just keep it up. Remember, And I didn't, I did this without someone like me whispering things to me. Ah, You know. You've got, You've got similar grit, Actually. So you do. You do. Listen, I can do this just because it was my dharma to get it. I was predestined to do this. So I did it, You know. And it looks like magic, But, But it was, It was done through days of just what you go through, What all of you experience. This is what I lived. This is why I'm so motivated to help you because it's so awful being stuck in this stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And we get like this just before we bump up, You know, Gets really intense and horrible just before we're bumping up. Yeah. You know, Everybody knows what it feels like to feel like the way you are, Sweet Jenna, You know. Okay, I want you to look at me. I want you to tell me that you're good enough. That you're good enough to be here on the earth. And that you're a wonderful addition to the human race. I'm good enough. Yeah, You are. I'm good enough to be on the earth. And I'm a wonderful addition to the human race. Yeah, Say I'm very lovable. I'm very lovable. Okay, I'm going to tell you something, You guys. I used to sometimes I would go through these phases where I would look in the mirror and I would just look incredibly kind of insane and ugly, Just like the most homeless person. And I would look like that and that would be my energy and I would walk around in that for some days and then it would shift and all of a sudden I would look completely different and I'd be in a completely different energy. Okay, Yeah, This is what I did too, Sweetie. Don't worry about it. This is a wild goddess. Yeah, It's like you're a wild Celtic goddess at heart and that's what's bothering you, Really. Because she's a wild goddess, A Celtic goddess who's caught in kind of a very strict system and she thinks there's something wrong with her. Really? Right. Okay, Good. Good. How are you feeling? More peaceful. Yeah, Better. Yeah, Good. Yeah, I got some love there. It's good. Good, Thank you. Shiva Mae, How are you doing, Sweet one? We haven't talked in ages. Okay. I got a lot out of what Alexandra said, What you said, Alexandra. What rang with me was that part about being unable to enjoy life. I judge everything so harshly and I think I'm supposed to be so perfect and that's what I heard, Just relax. Like sometimes I sit around in the evening and watch TV with my husband. I think I kind of like watching TV with my husband. It's kind of an evening thing to do and yet I judge it and think, This is time I could be praying, This is time I could be doing more productive things. I don't know. That kind of stuff goes around in my head. Well, Listen, I mean, You could just, When you think of it, You could go, I will twill thy will while you're watching TV. Look, You're standing outside what you're doing to judge yourself, But you could stand outside and just go watch TV with your husband and just say your mantras sometimes. Do you see what I'm saying? I mean, Then it's plus plus. Then you can watch TV with your husband and you're still doing something, Progress. You know, Yeah, Play, Be light, And it's okay to watch TV with your husband. But, You know, If you're thinking about Amma, You could just say your mantra a bit or I will twill thy will. It's like with that part of your brain that you would be judging yourself for not praying. Well, You could turn around and pray with that part of your brain that's standing outside the situation. Yeah. Okay, This is good. Well, That's good advice. Yeah, Come along. Come along with me. This is what I'm feeling with all of you guys. You need to come along with me more. Like, You can just be a human being and, You know, Just, You know, Yeah, Watch TV and say your mantra when you think of it, Or it's like, Win-win. Yeah. Okay, Thanks Shivamayee for speaking. Ruth, How about you, Sweet one? Do you know? There you go. Yeah. How are you doing? I'm okay. I'm feeling similar. I have this similar feeling of I should be doing more, And I always have felt like this most of my life. You know, And I'm in a profession where I'm helping people, And I don't work that much, And I feel like I always should be doing more, And when I'm not doing something to help others, It's like I'm not doing enough, You know. But on the other hand, I get easily overwhelmed by other people's feelings, And I need time to myself, And so I've been a little numb lately. Yeah, Just there's a note from Veronica's just saying that the sharing's good. Yeah. Ruth, Yeah, That's kind of in lots of ways, That's a human condition, You know. I mean, Amma would say too that sometimes our discomfiture is just like divine discontent. It's just the soul wanting to make sure that we do our dharma this life, You know. It's just, I've certainly, Pramasutra's always had a driven quality to anybody who knows me. It's like, So I get it. I would often feel like that, But I wasn't doing enough. Yeah, Yeah. There's just, I'll just, I want to listen to hear what's coming. Yeah, It's just a gentleness with yourself, Sweetie. I just feel like you, You need to become more gentle with your sensitive heart. Yeah, Yeah. You push yourself around a little bit, And it's like, Yeah. Yeah, Just gentleness with yourself. Yeah. It's just like with a sensitive kid, Right? It doesn't help to be too tough with them. It only works if you're gentle with them, And then you'll get the best response. Yeah. Yeah. Also, The teenager that I asked people to pray about is doing much better. Corrie. Yes, Good. I wanted to ask. Yeah, I felt like, Yeah, We'll keep going with that. I'll put notes when I send the satsang around. Okay. To remind about Corrie. Yeah. Because, Yeah, I felt him better. Yeah. Oh, Good. You guys. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Yeah, That's it. Yeah. I've always had this feeling from the time I was a little child that there's something I'm supposed to be doing. I don't know where that comes from, But yeah, And doing my best. Yeah. Sometimes taking a step back into oneself, It's like this, The subtleties of the heart. Like yesterday in question and answer, I was speaking with a dear one about her failure to follow her heart. And what it came from was she hasn't honored the subtleties of the information that came. She would dismiss them or judge them. So honor the material that your heart brings you. You might not want to act on everything, But honor it, Give it space and don't dismiss it. Okay. It feels like that you're, You're to become more subtle in your understanding. And that's part of what you came here for. Yeah. For Yeah. And then you will just share it however you do it. But to allow your understanding to become more subtle, And you guys to do that, We have to love ourselves more, Which is why I talk about self compassion so much. Because that gave me that focus allowed me to love and honor the subtleties of my heart, Which then gave me this love power that comes through me. I can hear you saying I'm not going to be allowed to do that. No, Actually, I was thinking of something. I when I when I couldn't, When I really hated myself. I was working with kids a lot. And somehow by learning to really love them. That helped me to start to learn to love myself. Yes. Yes. It's like it goes both ways. It can it can happen. Yes. That's the way it goes both ways. But you just turned away and denied. Oh, What was coming through me, Which is pure God. Oh, Yeah. So you did to this one exactly what you do to your own heart. You kind of just brushed it off. It's okay. Yeah, It's okay. It's okay. Yeah, Busted. You're exposed. This is exposed now. Yeah, This is it. The ego gets exposed. Oh, Yeah. Good. Right. Right. You have a very, Very fine tuned psyche. It's like your vibration could go very high as you honor this level. And sweetie, I feel like we I don't want to like steamroller you I feel like this is enough. And it's, It's just it's just something it's good. What you did was good. We can speak again. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Good. Sebastian, Is there any, Any comment from you? He's not showing himself. I don't know if people got up and make caught. Oh, Here he is. Hi, Sebastian. How are you doing? Well, I'm fine. I'm still at my parents place. 10 days spending with them for Christmas and I'm looking forward tomorrow to return home. I bet. I bet. Yeah. Isn't that the way? Yeah. Yeah. Mm hmm. And how are you in yourself? You know, Beyond that house here? Well, The good, The good thing is, My parents are living on the countryside. And I really love to take our dog and go in the forest and just connecting to nature and spending time there. And this field outside inside. Okay, That's where you are now. I was side with the dog. No, No, No, No, No. I'm inside. I'm inside. It's dark and cold. It was freezing last night. It's too cold. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I'll just leave you there. It's like that's enough. Is there anything else you'd like to say or not that you should? Well, I'm not aware about something else that I should speak about or could speak about. No, No, It's all good. Yeah. No, It's all good. Yeah. Okay. Blessings will be. Yeah. Blessings. Yeah. Lots of love. Gordon, How are you doing that? After I talk, How are you? Hello. I'm doing well. I'm doing really well. It was a very good talk we had. Yeah. And I looked at the issues and it feels much lighter now. And yeah, It feels lightened. Yeah. And I liked your reminder to be in the heart. And this is what I'm focusing on. Just my practices to have my focus on the heart space. Yeah. Yeah. It's so good. I mean, I feel that you're ready for a big heart expansion. And you will experience that over the next few months. And I'd love to, You know, Just keep occasionally supporting you in that. But it's, That's what feels wants to happen. So you, You worried me a little bit when you said about, You know, Focusing on the heart space. It's just, Yes, Yes. And just embrace everything. Just embrace everything about life. And about yourself. That's, That's how you focus on the heart space. Just embrace everything. You know? Yeah. What do you talk about before the self-compassion? Yes. It's really, Really important. Right. Right. Yeah. That and that's maybe what you mean about the focusing on the heart space. Is that what you're saying? That's what you mean? Yes. Okay. Okay. I'm right behind you then on the yeah, Self-compassion, Endless self-compassion. It is so transformative, You guys. It's the elixir of life. If you do it, It will just take you through all obstacles. Because what has compassion for you, Is the creator. So when you feel it, You've actually let the creator love you. And when you focus on self-compassion, You're saying, I'm letting the creator I'm opening to let the creator love me. Yes. Right. And then we feel it. And then when we tap into the creator's energy, That heals us. We become the creator's energy then. Right. If we take it far enough, We just become it. Yeah. This is so beautiful. The self-compassion and it allows us to feel that we're loved by the creator. That's really key for me. Yes. Yes. It was absolutely key to me too. And it's so funny because it's like when the penny drops, You get it and then it becomes kind of an addictive practice. You love to do it. You can always, No matter what happens, You can just focus on self-compassion. And it will lead you to the experience of great peace. Wonderful. Gordon, Thank you for speaking about this. Everybody got it. And everybody got more permission to feel compassion for themselves. Yeah. You guys, Your guy energy is just so valuable in the satsangs. Yeah. It's like the prince cutting through the prickles to help the princess. And it's like when one of you guys makes the shift, It kind of brings clear masculine energy to everybody. Yeah. And it's just such a blessing. Thank you. You're a blessing too. You are the blessing. That's so adorable. Thank you. That's so cute. I know you guys, We get like little kids, Right? We get little toddlers, Like giving each other hugs, Right? I mean, That's what the energy gets like. It's so cool.