When Willpower Isn't Enough By Spencer Sherman In my twenties,
I spent endless hours working around the clock,
Skipping meals,
Canceling vacations,
And sacrificing my well-being for money.
I was being driven by a belief I'd absorbed from my father before I was old enough to question it,
The belief that there is nothing more important than money.
I knew,
Intellectually,
That this belief wasn't true,
But knowing that didn't change my behavior.
Telling myself to think differently didn't either.
Affirmations,
Self-talk,
Sheer willpower,
Nothing touched it.
The belief wasn't in my mind.
It was in my bones.
I was living my father's life,
And I was far from thriving.
Around that time,
A fellow meditation teacher shared a perspective on compassion.
They described it as a weapon,
One that can disarm anything.
That's when it occurred to me that maybe the answer wasn't more effort,
But more compassion.
So I signed up for a silent meditation retreat focused on cultivating compassion.
After the retreat,
I spent 10 minutes daily,
Eyes closed,
Picturing a photo of myself at five years old and offering that child compassion.
For about two months,
Nothing seemed to shift,
But I'd adhered to this money belief for over two decades.
I couldn't reasonably expect it to dissolve in a matter of weeks.
I kept practicing while also turning up the volume on my sincerity.
I wanted that younger version of me to really feel my love,
Really feel my compassion.
Somewhere around the three-month mark,
I started noticing that I'd hesitate before saying yes to more work.
I was more likely to pass on an investment that felt risky,
Even if it had potential to make me a lot of money.
Money,
For the first time,
Was no longer the main driver of my life.
It felt like taking off a heavy backpack.
Compassion is one of the four exalted inner qualities that Buddhism calls boundless,
Immeasurable in their benefit,
Inexhaustible in their capacity to transform.
The three other inner qualities are loving kindness,
Appreciative joy,
And equanimity.
Together,
They're considered the highest emotions a human being can cultivate,
Guiding us toward a life where we're no longer driven by anxiety or fear.
Compassion specifically has three dimensions.
One,
Acknowledging and directly sensing the truth of our own or another's suffering.
Two,
Seeing the person's wholeness.
You sense their suffering,
Their nobility,
And their potential to thrive.
Three,
Taking action.
This is what separates compassion from sympathy.
You don't just bear witness to suffering,
You take action to alleviate it.
That's the practice.
For a few minutes a day,
Close your eyes and picture yourself at five or six years old.
Think of a belief that has limited your freedom and or success with money.
Don't try to fix your younger self.
Instead,
See this child's wholeness and offer them understanding and compassion.
Give it two months.
The shift when it comes will likely bring a lightness and a wider perspective to your challenges with money,
With the potential to transform every financial decision you make.
