Many women tell me that somewhere in their late 40s or early 50s,
Desire seems to have quietly left the room and nobody warned them.
I'm Dr.
Lori Braudo,
A psychologist and sexual health and menopause researcher at the University of British Columbia.
In this video,
I want to talk honestly about menopause and desire,
What really changes,
What the research says,
And most importantly,
What's within your influence.
Let's begin with what changes.
During the menopause transition,
Estrogen and progesterone fluctuate and eventually they fall.
Menopause is marked by the end of ovulation and is reached when a woman is without a period for a full year or if she has had her ovaries removed or damaged with cancer or other medical treatments.
The large long-term studies that follow women through midlife,
Such as the Study of Women's Health Across the Nation in the United States,
Have found that many women report some decline in sexual desire during this period of time.
But hormones are only part of the picture,
And often not the biggest part.
Menopause can bring vaginal dryness and discomfort,
Which can make sex painful.
Understandably,
Painful sex lowers desire.
There can be hot flashes and night sweats that disrupt sleep.
Exhaustion is one of desire's strongest break.
Mood changes including more anxiety or depressive symptoms,
Changes in body image as our bodies change,
And midlife itself is often full of different kinds of pressures,
Caring for teenagers or aging parents,
Career pressures,
Long relationships that may have settled into routine.
Here's a finding I share with so many women.
In an Australian study that followed women through menopause for many years,
A woman's feelings towards her partner and her sexual function before menopause predicted her later sexual well-being even more strongly than her hormone levels did.
That's encouraging because it means much of this is within our reach.
So what can you influence?
First,
Treat physical discomfort.
Vaginal dryness and pain,
Often called genital urinary syndrome of menopause,
Is really common and very treatable.
Moisturizers,
Lubricants,
And low-dose vaginal estrogen are well-studied options.
Please don't accept pain as an inevitable.
Talk with your health care provider.
Also,
Look at the bigger symptom picture.
If hot flashes or poor sleep are wearing you down,
There are effective treatments that may include hormone therapy and or behavioral treatments which work extremely well for sleep.
Better sleep alone can make a real difference to sexual desire.
Work with responsive desire.
As we discussed in one of my earlier videos,
Desire often becomes more responsive with time and age.
Creating the right conditions like time,
Touch,
Relaxation,
Connection matters more than waiting for you to feel like it.
You might want to work with a sex therapist on understanding what factors are pressing on the brake pedal and what factors you and your partner can introduce to press more on the gas pedal.
Use mindfulness.
The tools from this series coming back to sensations and softening self-judgment are especially valuable when your body is changing and old patterns no longer fit.
You can redefine what sex might be.
We find that many women look at sex as opening new possibilities in midlife,
More freedom,
No more worry about pregnancy,
A clearer sense of what they want.
Some women even say that sex gets better after menopause.
Let's close with a reflection.
Take a breath.
Ask yourself.
What does my body need right now to feel more comfortable?
And what would help me feel more connected to myself and a partner.
Let one small answer come to mind.
You don't need to act on it today.
Just notice it.
Menopause can affect sexual desire,
But it does not end it.
With the right care,
Some curiosity,
And an invitation to remind yourself that sexual health is health.
This can be the chapter of rediscovery rather than loss.
