The Question That Reveals We're Hiding

In this talk, Cara shares a practice she returns to every few months: asking herself, "What am I avoiding?" for two weeks at a time. She explores how avoidance becomes a mental pattern we don't even notice, and how kindness and compassion, not self-criticism, are what actually let the truth emerge. A gentle invitation to sit with the question and notice what comes up.

Transcript

What are the most transformative questions you can ask yourself? Is what am I avoiding? What am I avoiding today? Be kind. Be gentle with yourself. But answer it. Every quarter or so. I will, For two weeks, Write at the top of my journal every day. What am I avoiding? And I answer it quietly, Gently. With kindness and compassion, But I answer it. And it's unbelievable. What has come up. It's truth. In those quiet moments in the morning. When you sit with pen and paper, Or if you don't journal, It's okay. You just. . . Sit and ask yourself and let the answers emerge. It can reveal so much. We spend a lot of time avoiding things. We all do. I do not have this figured out, My friend. Trust me. It's why I have to continue to ask myself the question. Over and over. Getting down beneath the layers of throat answers or what I think I want to hear to what I really want to hear. Need to hear. What have I been avoiding? And you let the answers emerge. The truth will always emerge if we give it enough space and time. If we allow ourselves to be settled. To not be just. Thinking, Figuring out, Planning, Doing all the time. The truth is that we avoid stuff. It becomes a habit. It becomes a mental pattern. We get fixed in avoiding stuff. We make excuses. Procrastinate. We pretend it's not there. That's a biggie. We pretend we ignore. We ignore the signs. We all do these things. But just beneath the level of our thinking mind. The subconscious is poking at us. It's nudging us. It's asking us to bring the truth forward, To admit. To admit what we're not willing to admit. In the busyness of everyday life. So it's in those quiet pockets in the morning. For me, It's morning. It may be night for you. Doesn't matter when. But it's in those quiet moments when we can ask ourselves, What? Am I avoiding? Or if If admitting is a better word for you, Use that. What am I not willing to admit? Oof, That's a biggie too. You can try them both out and see which one stirs, Stirs you the most. For me, It's revealed a lot. I'm not gonna tell you my deep, Dark secrets here yet. I might, But. . . I definitely have seen some things that surprised me. Listen, At first when you start asking yourself the question, You might just get those normal answers. You know, I'm avoiding going to the gym. I'm avoiding calling my mother. Whatever, You know, I'm just saying. We all have those rote things that we're avoiding. But as you ask yourself day after day. Quietly. With kindness and compassion. Some new answers may emerge. And what happens when. Those answers emerge. It's not like you have to go out and change everything. On a dime. It's when the answers emerge. The walls start to crumble. It was dark. Too. Feel the relief of the truth. Emerging. Because when truth comes through and we finally give it airtime. I mean, I feel it right here. When we allow the truth to emerge, It is a relief. It's like, Okay, I'm not hiding anymore. Because we hide from ourselves. We hide the truth. We avoid, We procrastinate, We make excuses, We pretend it's not there. And it festers inside. And that we don't know why we're so agitated all the time. Or why we're cranky or persnickety. Whatever we are. Angry. So allowing the truth to come out through this inquiry, Through this simple question. Can be transformative. Because once there's some space, Once there's some air time. You'll know what to do. You don't need to go on some big quest of changing every aspect of your life, But giving the truth, The space to emerge and to start to manifest, To start to kind of make its way into your veins, Into your life, Into how you move and speak. Change will happen. And it happens more organically. You stop pretending to yourself. You stop. Making those excuses. You stop avoiding and you start admitting other things. So here's the thing. You know, We can. Try all the hacks in the book. And if there's anything that I want to share here. On this channel. If there's anything I want to share. It's just how I'm figuring this out. How I'm awakening day after day, How I am finding new places that I'm hiding or shutting down. Playing small. I just want to share what I'm doing. Because. We're so much more alike than we are different. And I know if it's working for me. If it's bringing up stuff for me, It may do it for you as well. And once we start to let go. And to break through. All of these patterns that hold us back and shut us down, We start to feel more like ourselves. We start to speak more clearly. We start to show up. More confidently. Start to feel more authentically. Us. We start to understand why we're here. And what we're here to do and what we want to do. And it can start with one simple question. What am I ever reading? A kind, Gentle coaxing. Of the truth. It's like you're giving the truth in your subconscious, The permission. To come through, To speak to you. And the reason why I keep saying. That kindness and compassion are so important is because we've been beating ourselves up for long enough. Right? It's just the honest truth. We beat ourselves up. In our culture, We know how to do it really well. Negative self-talk, That inner critic, Self-hatred, Just bullying ourselves. When we can allow ourselves. Some compassion. There, There, Sweetheart. You're doing your best. Let's just move forward. Let's let's let some of this truth out when you can give yourself that kind of Gentle love. It changes everything. Trust me, I was the hardest head in the world when it came to Being kind to myself, I was all about performance for so long in my life. But I know now the way in. The way into the deeper truths. Is through kindness and compassion. So you ask yourself the question gently. Dear one. What am I avoiding? What am I not willing to admit? And watch what emerges. Watch what comes up on your page. It may blow your mind. And if you're not journaling, And even if you are journaling, What you may also find, This is what I found. Is that answers start to come out. They start to poke through my consciousness throughout the day. I'm avoiding sending that email. I'm avoiding looking at my test results. Avoiding. Making the doctor's appointment. I'm avoiding telling my partner how I really feel. It starts to show itself everywhere. And this, My friend, Is freedom. This is what it means to wake up. We wake up out of the confines. Of our habitual patterns, Mental patterns. Patterns, Mental thought patterns, Belief systems. Biases. We have all of these, This scaffolding that crowds our mind and it shuts us down. From this cruel world. Beautiful. God-like intelligence and expression that wants to move through our lives. That wants to touch others, That wants to contribute and participate in the world. So it starts with a question, And that's what I offer you today. It has worked for me. I do it about. Once a quarter, Every few months, I'll say, All right, I'm feeling a little stuck. And I think it's time to ask the question again. So for maybe 10 days or two weeks. When I open up my journal in the morning, I write at the top. What am I avoiding? Give it a try. Let me know how it goes. We are doing this together. We are all in this together, Truly helping each other to wake up. Because when we're awake, We are at our best. And when we're at our best, We support each other. We share our best selves with one another. And that's what the world could use a little bit more of right now. Thanks for being here. So appreciate it.

Reviews

Once again, my friend, you blew my doors off. Such a simple question. Such a crucial change in mind set. Thank you for giving me yet another new tool for the box!!

Thank you so much as always. Very helpful and beautifully said. Here’s to waking up ever more and kindness.