Welcome.
It's great to be here with you,
And I appreciate you taking the time.
To spend some time with me.
I am an art therapist here in Portland,
Oregon,
And I definitely encourage you to have some drawing materials or something nearby to write with if things come up for you.
All right,
Let's get started.
Today I'm wanting to talk about practicing non-judgment.
Accepting the journeys of others.
Each of us walks our own unique path.
Our singular journeys progress at their own pace.
We encounter emotions with experiences.
Some moments are filled with celebration,
While others might hold strife.
Yet we are all learning,
And no one form of knowledge is more important than another.
Even so,
When we observe others,
There can be a natural inclination to pass judgment on their decisions based on what feels fitting to us,
Assuming their actions will correspond with our natural instincts or proclivities.
But for any situation,
There are multiple solutions.
We all make mistakes.
And while watching others do so can be frustrating,
It is vital that we accept each person's unique way of doing things.
This is when we could give others the freedom to act in the manner that feels natural to them without the fear of judgment.
Where does this judgment come from?
A desire for control,
Or perhaps predictability.
Some challenges may appear universal in experience,
But we should take into account the life experiences of that other person.
While it might be a natural path to compare another's decision based on your path.
We are not taking into account the values,
Beliefs,
And experiences they hold,
Which may be different from your own.
Our values and beliefs come from a blend of environmental conditioning,
Cognitive processing,
And innate personality traits.
These values and beliefs serve as the brain's guiding compass developed through social learning,
Emotional experiences,
And our need to understand the world.
The origins of each of our internal frameworks can be built and impacted by our childhood experiences,
Genetics,
Lived experience,
Trauma,
Our conscious desire for coherence,
You know,
Meaning and purpose in our lives.
Feeling compelled to intervene without an invitation or a request for support could be perceived as controlling.
Which greatly differs from offering thoughts when asked for guidance or advice.
Unless the person is heading into a dangerous situation,
Outcomes that may be seen as failure are merely another step in the journey of life and brings more experience and more wisdom.
The need to influence others might be seen more as an attempt to control when loving support might be more welcome.
Working on stepping back and letting go of judgment provides grace to others to live their own destiny.
Letting go of judgment requires shifting your focus from managing others to mastering your own internal reactions.
When you stop judging other people's choices,
You free up massive amounts of personal energy and grant them the dignity of their own life lessons.
Here are some steps to break this pattern and be present in your own experience of life.
First,
Pause that first impulse.
Notice the physical spike.
Judgment often begins as a tightness in the chest.
Sometimes we may feel our mouth move to a smirk.
Wait five seconds before speaking or reacting to someone's choice and label the thought internally.
Internally say to yourself,
I'm having a judging thought right now.
You do not need to share this.
Just acknowledge it to yourself privately inside.
Next,
Work to shift your mindset.
One effective way is to employ curiosity rather than criticism.
Ask yourself.
What life experiences led them to this choice?
This curiosity is not to get more information.
Well,
That might be helpful in the conversation with the other person.
In this moment,
I am suggesting this be an internal dialogue around what led them to this moment.
Also,
Remind yourself that people have the right to fail and grow.
There's dignity in taking risks that lead to growth and evolution.
Another way to shift your mindset is to acknowledge the urge to fix the situation,
But let go of the innate desire to save others from their own destinies.
And lastly,
Acknowledge blind spots.
Remember,
You only see 10% of anyone else's reality.
Changing your internal language is another grounding place to work on breaking patterns.
Consider replacing shoulds with actions.
For example,
They should be working.
Might be better as they're choosing not to work right now.
Another internal reframe would be to adjust adjectives from being judgmental or harmful to strength-based responses.
For instance,
Instead of,
Well,
That was a stupid decision,
Try,
That was a risky decision.
Finally,
Another internal mantra you could use is,
Good for them,
Not good for me.
Repeat this when lifestyles or choices clash with your own values or beliefs.
In some situations,
We also need to establish boundaries.
Protecting your peace is a great way to start with this.
If someone's choices feel chaotic or out of your comfort zone,
Step back physically and emotionally.
Also,
Avoid gossip.
Gossip personifies the situation.
Exit conversations that solely exist to dissect other people's lives.
Offer support only when asked.
If they don't ask for your opinion,
Don't give it to them.
Finally.
Ground yourself by looking into the mirror of your own thoughts and internal responses.
Noticing how others may face a situation could also provide insights and opportunities for self-reflection.
Notice triggers.
We judge most harshly the traits we refuse to accept in ourselves.
And practice self-grace.
You cannot offer radical grace to others if you ruthlessly judge your own mistakes.
Practicing acceptance by honoring others as they are provides validation,
An opportunity to be seen.
This act honors the capacity for growth that all humans possess.
I hope this has been helpful in your journey and I look forward to the next time that we can meet and I can share some other thoughts and insights.
Please feel free to send me any messages or comments you have and I am so honored that you took time out of your day to listen.
Have a wonderful rest of the day wherever you are.
All my best,
BA.
