Let Go Of Resentment

In this memo, you’ll explore what resentment really costs us—and how holding on to anger, hurt, and disappointment can keep us stuck in the past. You’ll learn that letting go of resentment doesn’t mean excusing what happened, forgetting it, or saying that what someone did was okay. It means choosing not to let someone else’s actions continue to take up emotional space in your life.
Amy shares a simple, practical exercise called the “WHAT Exercise” to help you unpack what you’re angry or sad about, understand how the situation is affecting you, and honestly look at what you may be getting from holding on. You’ll also consider what your life might feel like if you could release the resentment and what action—if any—you need to take.
Whether you’re struggling with resentment toward a partner, family member, friend, or even yourself, this memo offers a compassionate way to acknowledge your pain, reclaim your agency, and begin moving forward with greater peace and emotional freedom.

Transcript

Here's the memo, Let go of resentment. Resentment is one of those emotions that we all have to contend with because we live in a world with people and events we can't control. And sometimes what happened was really unfair. People disappoint us, They hurt us, They let us down, They cross boundaries, And sometimes they cause real trauma. The problem is, When we hang on to resentment, We stay in victimhood. We're not free. You know the old expression, Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It's kind of true. Someone may hurt us and go on with their life without a care in the world. And meanwhile, They're living in our heads, Rent-free. We're left ruminating. Look at what they did to me. I'm like this because of how they treated me. Can you believe they said that? Or we're replaying conversations in our head, Rewriting what we wish we said, Planning and rehearsing what we'll say next time. Or maybe we're even left beating ourselves up for staying too long, For not speaking up sooner, For trusting the wrong person, For not knowing then what we know now. All of it is exhausting. What can we do? Well, If you're struggling with resentment, First of all, Acknowledge all your feelings about it and have massive compassion for yourself. Then decide, I don't want to carry this anymore. This doesn't mean you're condoning what happened or you're okay with it. It just means you are letting it go to free yourself. And I want to share with you an exercise I've done for years whenever I'm jammed up with a resentment or something's really bothering me. I call it the what exercise. So get out your journal or a piece of paper and I'm going to ask you six questions. One, What am I sad or angry about? Write out the entire situation. Two, What does this affect in me? For example, My self-esteem, Happiness, Peace, Finances. Three, What do I get out of hanging on to this? This is an interesting question because your first response might be nothing. I don't get anything out of this. This is horrible. But if you dig a little deeper, Whenever we're hanging on to something, There is a secondary gain, Meaning there's a payoff. Maybe you're ruminating about this because you're trying to avoid deeper feelings of sadness or powerlessness. Maybe you're hanging on because it's a familiar thought pattern or it's keeping you connected to the person you're mad at. Or it's protecting you from future hurt. Just explore it. To God, To the universe, Just surrender it. What would that feel like? Maybe your first answer will be, I didn't do anything. And that might be true. You might just be a victim. But this is an excellent question you to identify patterns you fall into with people or just to take personal accountability if you played any part in this. And it could be just that you stayed in the situation and didn't set a healthy boundary with yourself. Explore it. And six, What action, If any, Do I need to take? Maybe it is setting a boundary. Maybe it's having a good cry and praying for the person you're mad at. I know that's a tall order, But if you're willing, Try it. It really does level the playing field. Field, Remind us everybody's doing the best they can, And we're all just walking each other home. Or maybe the action you need to take is to do self-care, Or something fun, Or to pour into the people you love. I really hope this exercise gives you some relief, Because remember, You don't have to keep carrying the pain just because it happened. You get to leave resentment behind you and have agency over your emotional freedom. And that's your memo.