So welcome everyone Thank you Thank you for listening Thank you for being here Thank you for joining me So Let me describe someone you might know or recognize Now they wake up at 5 in the morning They do breath work They meditate They journal 3 pages of stream of consciousness Then they take a cold shower because the nervous system needs it Then they drink something green and unpleasant They've read all the books They've done the courses They have the apps,
The trackers and the supplements And by 7 in the morning They have done more healing than most people do in their entire lives And by 9 They have already snapped at their partner Checked their phone They have done 47 times And they are quietly also spiraling now about something someone said 3 days ago Now I am not mocking I am not judging I have been this person Maybe you have too The perfectly optimized morning The wellness routine that could well be a TED talk And underneath all of it Still anxious Still reactive Still stuck So here is the question I want to explore today Starting with radical self-honesty Why?
Why can someone do all the practices and still not change?
Why can someone breathe through their nose stimulate their vagus nerve meditate for 10,
000 hours attend 17 retreats collect certifications and still be running from themselves Now there is a term for this Tool collectors And I say it with love Because I have been one myself Every technique Every modality Every hack The toolbox is full Overflowing But the tools are not being used for what they are designed for They are being used as another form of avoidance Another way to stay busy Another way to not actually meet yourself And here is the hard truth And I want to say it clearly before we go any further The practice is not the point The breathwork is not the point The meditation is not the point The therapy is not the point The cold plunge,
The journaling the yoga,
None of this is the point They are all doorways and not destinations And if you keep polishing the doorway without ever walking through it Nothing changes Now Let me talk about retreats And I love a good retreat I run them myself I have attended them And there is something beautiful about stepping out of the ordinary life going somewhere intentional and being in a collective container of transformation And there is also a phenomena which I have observed which I will call the retreat circuit Now,
This is someone who goes from one retreat to another Ayahuasca in Peru Vipassana in Thailand Breathwork in Bali Sound healing in Ibiza Tantra in Costa Rica A different country every few months A new modality,
A new awakening and a new post about how their journey is unfolding And nothing lands Because as soon as something uncomfortable starts to surface they book the next retreat And as soon as ordinary life starts to feel ordinary we are off again Searching for the next experience that will finally fix them And the thing about retreats they are containers So they very well create optimal conditions for something to shift Why?
Because they remove you from your triggers your patterns and your usual distractions And you are surrounded with support practice and with other people lovely like-minded people on the path And then you go home Now,
Home is where the real work happens Home is where your partner still does that thing where your job still drains you where your family still pushes your buttons and there you have to actually integrate what opened up for you So the retreat is not the transformation The retreat is the ignition The transformation happens in the days and weeks and months and years that follow if you let it Or you book another retreat and another and another Always opening Never integrating Always having breakthroughs but never breaking through So the practice is not the point The retreat is not the point The experience is not the point What you do with it matters And that's possibly the point of all this Now I am not saying practices do not work They absolutely do So as an example let me explain what is actually happening when you do breath work or meditation or holotropic breath work or I don't know hot yoga because there is real science here and it matters Your nervous system has different states and very broadly sympathetic activation the first one fight or flight then we have dorsal vagal which is freeze or shutdown and then the ventral vagal safe social regulated Now most of us spend far too much time in sympathetic activation We are stressed anxious on the edge and we are ready for a threat all the time and our modern lives keep us there Just check the news today maybe check the notifications on your phone maybe open your emails and check the deadlines and the pressure So any practice anything like slow breathing humming cold exposure yoga,
Meditation they directly influence your vagus nerve and they shift you out of sympathetic activation towards ventral vagal towards calm,
Safety and regulation So there is a simple concept called the window of tolerance So this is the zone where you can feel your emotions without being overwhelmed by them you can think clearly you can respond rather than react and you can stay present So when you are outside your window of tolerance either hyper aroused or hyper aroused you cannot process anything you are just surviving life So any practice would widen your window of tolerance It trains your nervous system to stay regulated even when things are difficult and they build capacity and this is real measurable and this is why breath work helps anxiety why meditation changes brain structure why yoga reduces cortisol so there is very solid science behind all of this but here is the thing all of this is preparation all of this is just creating conditions for something else to happen regulating your nervous system is essential but regulation is not transformation calming down is not waking up so widening your window of tolerance is not the same as actually meeting what lives inside that window so the missing piece if there was one let's call it awareness the practice creates the conditions they clear the noise they settle the system they open the doorway you still have to walk through you still have to meet yourself and you still have to see what is there and let yourself be changed by what you see that is the work practices are preparing you for and many people never do it so here is the distinction I want to make doing versus being you can do a practice or you can be present in a practice and they are not the same thing now doing looks like I am meditating for 20 minutes because that is what I am supposed to do I am following the breath now I am counting now I am waiting for it to be over now I am thinking about what I will have for breakfast now I am checking the timer I am doing the thing and being doing looks like I am here I notice my breath I notice my thoughts I notice the resistance to being here I notice the part of me that wants to be somewhere else but I am meeting myself in this moment with all my parts as I actually am not as I think I should be so the only difference here is awareness presence actually being in the experience rather than performing the experience so you can do breath work perfectly the technique flawless timing exact and be completely absent you are just going through the motions you are checking a box meanwhile your mind is still planning,
Rehearsing and worrying in the background or you can do the same breath work and actually be there just notice what arises feel what moves and meet yourself breath by breath same practice completely different experience and the experience is you so the practice does not transform you you transform you through the practice the practice is the meeting place but you have to actually show up now there is a term for using spiritual practices as another form of acquisition and some of these terms I am just coming up by myself of spiritual materialism so the idea is that the ego can co-opt the spiritual path the ego can collect experiences,
Techniques,
Insights and use them to strengthen itself rather than dissolve and you might be seeing this in the wellness culture constantly the person who has all the practices and we all know somebody like that but they have more ego than when they started the one who is very spiritually advanced apparently and they want you to know it and they are very very good at pointing out people who are not spiritually advanced or what people's blocks are so the one who's healing journey has become another performance so the cleaned up version of this often what we call healing is just creating a more polished version of the same stuck self better coping mechanisms more polished language better story but underneath all of that same patterns,
Same defenses,
Same avoidance so you cannot optimize your way to freedom you cannot biohack your way to presence at some point you have to stop doing and just be now this might be uncomfortable to hear but I think it needs to be said that sometimes healing becomes another form of avoidance now you feel something painful and instead of feeling it you do a practice you breathe it you breathe it away you meditate it away you take out the CBT worksheet your counselor gave you and you start challenging that thought or maybe you journal about it or maybe you process it and you work on it and in all that working all that hard work,
All that processing all that doing you never actually feel what came up so the practice now becomes a buffer between you and your experience it's another layer of protection another way to manage rather than meet and how many times have you heard someone say or said to yourself I'm working on it and there's nothing wrong with working on anything but let's just see how this sounds working on your anger working on your anxiety working on your attachment styles always working always efforting as if you were a project to be completed or a problem to be solved so what is the working is the avoidance what if all the effort is keeping you from the one thing that would actually help simply being with what is without any conditions now you cannot heal what you will not feel all over social media but just because I'm feeling something doesn't mean it will go away so let this land just because I'm feeling something doesn't mean it will go away practices can help you feel they can regulate your nervous system enough that feeling becomes safe they can also create conditions for the emotions to move but if you use the practice to avoid feeling if the breath work is a way to push the emotion down and if meditation is a way to detach from it and if journaling is a way to analyze it without experiencing it nothing will change you are managing your symptoms more elegantly let's just say you are not transforming at all now the irony is profound you went looking for healing you found practices that really helped and then you use those practices to avoid the very thing that would heal you which is your own direct experience so the practice is not the point the practice is only as useful as your willingness to actually be there for it so I might have used the word point quite a few times so far so if the practice is not the point,
What is?
So awareness self knowledge the moment you actually see yourself clearly this is not a technique it is not something you do it is something that happens when the conditions are right and you are willing so let me describe what it looks like because it is often quieter than people expect you are in a practice let's just say and I have nothing against breath work I have a certification myself maybe breath work maybe meditation maybe just sitting quietly and something arises an emotion a memory a sensation or a knowing something I just went for my class or I was looking at this thing on the internet and something just came up an emotion,
A memory a sensation,
A knowing and instead of fixing it analyzing it breathing through it or even telling myself I am releasing something I just let it be there you let yourself be there with it and you meet it and in that meeting something shifts not because you did something but because you stopped doing you witnessed and you were present now let me be clear when I say something shifts it doesn't mean that feeling goes away it simply means your relationship with that feeling in that moment that has shifted it's very much there but I am just witnessing it that's the shift and sometimes it is a moment of self-recognition in this witnessing you might see a pattern you've been running your whole life you see why you do what you do and not intellectually you've probably understood it intellectually for years but you suddenly see it it's a knowing you feel it and you know in your body and you cannot unsee it and that seeing changes everything so what did the practice do the practice did not do that the practice created the conditions it regulated your nervous system enough so you could tolerate the seeing it quietened the noise enough that you could hear the signal but the seeing witnessing the awareness that was your willingness to be present with yourself that was the moment you stopped running so this is what I mean by shift in awareness it is not acquiring new information it is not learning a new technique it is not about having a new experience it is just a change in how you see a change in what you are willing to see and most importantly a change in your relationship with yourself once again not the practice not the retreat not the breath work not the certification this is what transforms you you cannot force insight you cannot demand transformation and you cannot use willpower to make it happen but you can create conditions you can show up you can do all the beautiful practices that you might be doing with presence rather than performance no conditions I am doing this so I can meet myself I am not doing this so I heal something,
I release something,
I fix something you can be willing to see whatever is there even if it is not what you wanted and that is all you can do and that might be everything now if you are still here if it is resonating when you understand this when you really get it the practice might become different you might still be doing all your practices your breath work meditation,
Journaling and maybe you still go to retreats sometimes but now you do it differently it is not as acquisition it is not as optimization it is not as another thing to achieve let's call it a meeting place you do it now as a meeting place a place where you show up to be with yourself not to fix yourself not to improve yourself just to be so then the technique becomes secondary and presence becomes primary so often when you get this less is more the elaborate morning routine it might simplify the compulsive practice drops away because you realize that you do not need 47 techniques you just need presence and presence is available anywhere you can also be present washing the dishes you can also be present walking to work you can meet yourself in any moment it is my point if you are willing so your presence does not require a perfect routine but it does require you so here is the paradox in all of this when you stop trying to get something from the practice the practice gives you everything when you stop using it to fix yourself it starts to transform you when you stop doing and start being something shifts now let's practice some of this and meet some of this information now in our bodies as well so it will be very simple nothing fancy just breath but this invitation is different from what you might be used to I am not going to ask you to achieve any state and we are not doing this so you feel calm or peaceful or regulated I am simply asking you to be present to meet yourself as you actually are not as you think you should be let's together now notice what is here without fixing changing or challenging it let's call it the practice of awareness not achievement being not doing breath is your anchor today and you are what matters let yourself now arrive here with me just finding your anchor finding your breath finding your anchor finding your breath and as you let yourself arrive here not somewhere else not in the next moment here feel your body feel your body feel the weight of it the presence of it you do not need to relax today you do not need to feel anything in particular just notice how you are just notice for me how you are now just let your attention rest on your breath not controlling it not improving it just noticing the breath is happening by itself it has been happening your whole life you are just witnessing your breath now inhale is arriving and exhale is releasing the rhythm of being alive let's feel that together inhale is arriving and exhale releasing notice if there is any part of you trying to do this right trying to make sure you are focused trying to meditate correctly trying to have the right experience let that go there is no right way to be here there is only being here you are not performing,
You are just present and feel the relief in that with all the sensations with all the emotions with anything else that's present just feel these words you are just present and there is only being here that's all what is actually here right now for you here is your inquiry what is actually here right now maybe there is tension maybe there is tiredness maybe there is restlessness maybe there is nothing in particular whatever it is let it be here you do not need to fix it you do not need to understand it just notice it if an emotion is present meet it not pushing it away not pulling it closer just acknowledging that you are here if a thought keeps arising notice it not following the thought not fighting the thought just seeing it there is a thought if resistance is here if part of you does not want to be present notice that too meet that resistance because even that belongs in all of this notice something interesting there is what you are experiencing and there is the one who is experiencing it there is what you are experiencing and there is the one who is experiencing it the thoughts are there but something is aware of them the feelings arise but something is aware of them the breath moves and something is witnessing that rest in that awareness for me now not the conscious not the content the awareness itself this is what is always here beneath your thoughts beneath your emotions beneath the practices and the techniques and the trying this is always here awareness presence and you and you so this what you are experiencing right now is what the practices are for not to achieve a state but to bring you here to this meeting to yourself as the one who is experiencing now we say that I am here I am willing to see I am willing to meet myself I am here I am willing to see and I am willing to meet myself I am here I am willing to see and I am willing to meet myself for the next few seconds simply be with this no instruction,
No technique just be with whatever is present meet yourself just as you are now you are very welcome to stay here longer and you might choose to pause the recording if that's what you want to do now gently let yourself appreciate something you showed up you are here and you were willing to be present to yourself even for just these few minutes that is the whole path now begin to let your awareness expand if you are in a room the room around you the sounds the temperature of the air and the silence between my words feel your body feel your hands feel your feet and take a breath mindful breath,
Conscious breath now take a deeper breath if your eyes were closed you can open them and welcome back so you have just done something simple but deeply deeply profound you practice presence just being here and meeting yourself so as you move through life remember this the practices are good keep doing them but do not mistake the practice for the point the practice is the doorway and you are what walks through the technique is the container your presence is what fills it you do not need more tools you do not need another retreat you do not need a better monitoring routine you need to show up to whatever practice you choose even if it's putting your hand on your chest every night and saying I am here to meet myself that will work and just be there then so if you have been collecting tools trying harder,
Doing more and still feeling stuck let this be your permission to stop stop optimizing stop acquiring stop performing your healing stop carrying crystals with you wherever you go just be let yourself be met let yourself be seen by yourself and this is where transformation lives not in the technique in you so the practice is not the point you are the point and now you know this now you can begin so go gently thank you for being here thank you for letting me guide you and until next time Namaste
