Hello.
Welcome to Sleep Stories with Steph,
A romantic bedtime podcast guaranteed to help you drift off into a calm,
Relaxing sleep.
Come with me as we travel back to a time long ago where Helen Huntingdon is sacrificing everything she knows in order to protect her son.
But before we begin let us take a moment to focus on where we are now.
Take a deep breath in through your nose then let it out on a long sigh.
It is time to relax and really let go.
Feel your shoulders melt away from your ears as you sink into the support beneath you.
Feel the pressure seep away from your cheeks as your breath drops into a natural rhythm.
There is nothing you need to be doing right now and nowhere you need to go.
We are together and it is time for sleep.
At first,
In compliance with his sweet lady's injunctions I suppose,
Arthur abstained wonderfully well from seeking to solace his cares in wine.
But at length he began to relax his virtuous efforts and now and then exceeded a little and still continues to do so,
Nay sometimes not a little.
When he is under the exciting influence of these excesses he sometimes fires up and attempts to play the brute and then I take little pains to suppress my scorn and disgust.
When he is under the depressing influence of the after consequences he bemoans his sufferings and his errors and charges them both upon me.
Arthur knows such indulgence injures his health and does him more harm than good,
But he says I drive him to it by my unnatural unwomanly conduct.
It will be the ruin of him in the end but it's all my fault and then I am roused to defend myself,
Sometimes with bitter recrimination.
This is a kind of injustice I cannot patiently endure.
Have I not laboured long and hard to save him from this very vice?
Would I not labour still to deliver him from it if I could?
But could I do so by fawning upon him and caressing him when I know he scorns me?
Is it my fault I have lost my influence with him or that he has forfeited every claim to my regard?
And should I seek reconciliation with him when I feel that I abhor him and that he despises me?
And while he continues still to correspond with Lady Lobra as I know he does?
No,
Never,
Never,
Never.
He may drink himself dead but it is not my fault.
Yet I do my part to save him still.
I give him to understand that drinking makes his eyes dull and his face red and bloated and that it tends to render him imbecile in body and mind.
And if Anna Bella were to see him as often as I do she would speedily be disenchanted and that she certainly will withdraw her favour from him if he continues such courses.
Such a mode of admonition wins only coarse abuse for me and indeed I almost feel as if I deserved it,
For I hate to use such arguments.
But they sink into his stupefied heart and make him pause and ponder and abstain more than anything else I could say.
At present I am enjoying a temporary relief from his presence.
He is gone with Hargrave to join a distant hunt.
And will probably not be back before tomorrow evening.
How differently I used to feel at his absence.
Mr Hargrave is still at the Grove.
He and Arthur frequently meet to pursue their rural sports together.
He often calls upon us here and Arthur not unfrequently rides over to see him.
I do not think either of these friends is overflowing with love for the other but such intercourse serves to get the time on.
And I am very willing that it should continue as it saves me some hours of discomfort in Arthur's society and gives him some better employment than the Scottish indulgent of his sensual appetites.
The only objection I have to Mr Hargrave's being in the neighbourhood is the fear of meeting him at the Grove prevents me from seeing his sister so often as I would otherwise do.
For of late he's conducted himself towards me with such unerring propriety I have almost forgotten his former conduct.
I suppose he's striving to win my esteem.
If he continues to act in this way he may win it but what then?
The moment he attempts to demand anything more he will lose it again.
February the 10th It is a hard and bittering thing to have one's kind feelings and good intentions cast back in one's teeth.
I was beginning to relent towards my wretched partner to pity his forlorn comfortless condition unalleviated as it is by the consolations of intellectual resources and the answer of a good consciousness towards God and to think I ought to sacrifice my pride and renew my efforts once again to make his home agreeable and lead him back to the path of virtue not by false professions of love and not by pretended remorse but by mitigating my habitual coldness of manner and commuting my frigid civility into kindness whenever an opportunity occurred.
And not only was I beginning to think so but I had already begun to act upon the thought and what was the result?
No answering spark of kindness no awakening penitence but an unappeasable ill humour and a spirit of tyrannous exaction that increased with indulgence and a lurking gleam of self-complacent triumph at every detection of relenting softness in my manner that congealed me to marble again as often as it occurred.
And this morning he finished the business I think the petrifaction is so completely affected at last that nothing can melt me again.
Among his letters was one which he pursued with symptoms of unusual gratification then threw across the table to me with the admonition there read that and take a lesson by it.
It was in the free dashing hand of Lady Lobra.
I glanced at the first page it seemed full of extravagant protestations of affection impetuous longings for a speedy reunion an impious defiance of God's mandates and railing against his providence for having cast their lot asunder and doomed them both to the hateful bondage of alliance with those they could not love.
He gave me a slight titter on seeing me change colour.
I folded up the letter rose and returned it to him with no remark but thank you I will take a lesson by it.
My little Arthur was standing between his knees delightedly playing with a bright ruby ring on his finger.
Urged by a sudden imperative impulse to deliver my son from that contaminating influence I caught him up in my arms and carried him with me out of the room.
Not liking this abrupt removal the child began to pout and cry.
This was a new stab to my already tortured heart.
I would not let him go but taking him with me into the library I shut the door and kneeling on the floor beside him I embraced him,
Kissed him wept over him with passionate fondness.
Rather frightened than consoled by this he turned struggling from me and cried out loud for his papa.
I released him from my arms and never were more bitter tears than those that now concealed him from my blinded burning eyes.
Hearing his cries the father came to the room.
I instantly turned away lest he should see and misconstrue my emotion.
He swore at me and took the now pacified child away.
It is hard that my darling should love him more than me and that when the well-being and culture of my son is all I have to live for I should see my influence destroyed by one whose selfish affection is more injurious than the coldest indifference or the harshest tyranny could be.
If I for his good deny him some trifling indulgence he goes to his father and the latter in spite of his selfish indolence.
Will even give himself some trouble to meet the child's desires.
If I attempt to curb his will or look gravely on him for some act of childish disobedience he knows his other parent will smile and take his part against me.
Thus not only have I the father's spirit in the son to contend against the germs of his evil tendencies to search out and eradicate and his corrupting intercourse an example in afterlife to counteract but already he counteracts my arduous labour for the child's advantage destroys my influence over his tender mind and robs me of his very love.
I had no earthly hope but this and he seems to take a diabolical delight in tearing it away.
But it is wrong to despair.
I will remember the counsel of the inspired writer to him that feareth the Lord and obeyeth the voice of his servant that sitteth in darkness and hath no light.
Let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay upon his God.
