Question The Belief: “I Have To Please Everyone”

Do you feel responsible for keeping everyone happy? Do you find it difficult to say no, set boundaries, or risk disappointing other people?

In this short guided meditation and self-inquiry, you'll question the belief “I have to please everyone” using The Work of Byron Katie.

Step by step, you'll explore the four questions and turnarounds of The Work and discover new perspectives that may help you feel more free to be yourself, say no when you want to, and make choices that feel right for you.

This practice can be especially helpful with people pleasing, saying no, setting boundaries, fear of disappointing others, seeking approval, self-worth, stress, anxiety, and inner pressure. Experience the situation without the belief and explore new perspectives that may bring more self-compassion, freedom, confidence, and ease.

Transcript

Welcome. Welcome to this short guided process with the work of Byron Katie. The work is a simple way to question the thoughts that create our suffering. Most of our suffering doesn't come from what happens. It comes from the thoughts we believe about what happens. Today we'll question this thought. I have to please everyone. The work is a meditation. That means you don't have to make any effort. You don't have to think hard to find the answers. Just listen to the questions and notice what is true for you. First, Remember one specific situation where you believed. I have to please everyone. Just choose one short moment, Just 5 to 10 seconds. If you need a little more time to find that situation, Simply pause this audio and come back when you can clearly see it in your mind. I will ask you a few questions and after each one I will leave some quiet space so you can find your own honest answer. In that situation that you have in mind. Is it true that you have to please everyone? Wait until you feel a clear yes or no. Can you absolutely know that it's true? Can you be absolutely certain that you have to please everyone? Just wait. Notice whether your answer is yes or no. How do you react? What happens in that situation when you believe the thought? I have to please everyone. What emotions arise? How do you treat yourself in that situation when you believe that thought? And what is it like to treat yourself that way? Just notice. Who would you be in that same situation without the thought I have to please everyone? Everything else in that situation stays exactly the same. Only the thought is gone. Take your time. There's nothing to force. How would you feel? How would you experience that situation if the thought, I have to please everyone, Had never appeared? Now let's turn the photo round. The first turn around could be I don't have to please everyone. Why might that be true in that situation? Can you find one genuine example? Here is one example I found. It is simply not possible to please everyone. When I expect that from myself, I give myself an impossible job. Could that example also be true for you? Another turnaround is. . . I have to please myself. Why might that be true in that situation? Can you find an example for that too? What would your whole life be like if you paid a little more attention to doing things in a way that pleases you? Just let yourself imagine that for a moment. If you like, Take one slow, Deep breath. Did you discover something new? Did something become a little lighter? What was it? Would you like to take this new thought with you into the rest of your day? Maybe write it down somewhere, So you can see it again. If you have a little more time, You are very welcome to try one of my longer guided sessions with the work. You will find several in my profile. They take about 30 minutes and give you the opportunity to explore each question more deeply.