One of my favorite practices for midlife women is called self-compassion.
Essentially treating yourself the way you would a good friend.
It has totally transformed my life and it has transformed the lives of hundreds of my clients.
I'm Dr.
Ellen,
The Midlife Whisperer.
I help midlife women go from surviving to thriving.
I want to share a little bit about self-compassion.
I actually found the practice because I was looking for a way to help women with negative body image and I was fortunate enough to meet Chris Germer and Kristin Neff who have created the whole Mindful Self-Compassion program and what my research showed is practicing self-compassion reduces body shame,
Body dissatisfaction,
Self-worth based on appearance as well as improves body appreciation.
And what I found in my own life is self-compassion totally transforms my relationship with myself,
Which is truly the most important relationship all of us have.
If you want to start practicing,
It's really helpful to do two things.
First of all,
To think about when you have a good friend who's stressed and struggling.
Maybe they're going through perimenopause.
What do you say to them?
What do you do?
What's the tone of your voice?
Take a moment,
Maybe pause the video and think about that.
And think about when you're going through something,
When you're stressed,
Struggling,
You're struggling with hot flashes or brain fog,
What do you say to yourself?
How do you treat yourself?
Compare and contrast the two.
Then after you do that,
Think about the three elements of self-compassion and how you can bring them into your life.
Common Humanity and Mindfulness With self-compassion,
You are kind to yourself rather than judgmental.
You talk to yourself the way you would a good friend—in a supportive,
Kind manner.
Common Humanity is so important,
Particularly if you are going through the menopausal transition because so often women are like,
Oh my God,
What is wrong with me?
When you understand common humanity,
You understand that nothing is wrong with you.
Things happen.
We make mistakes.
Women go through menopause and have negative body image.
It's normal.
When you realize that you don't feel so isolated and alone.
And the third one is a mindfulness in the context of self-compassion.
Mindfulness is all about noticing when you are stressed,
When you're struggling,
When you're having a bad day,
You're having a hot flash.
A brain fog moment,
A night where you didn't sleep well.
Instead of beating yourself up or saying,
Why is this happening to me?
Or trying to fix yourself.
Pause and you ask yourself the simple question,
What do I need right now?
Then you give yourself what you need.
Go ahead and start your practice.
You'll stop doing the things that insult your soul and you start to attract what is truly in your best interest.
