The Mirror I Didn’t Expect

Have you ever looked at a photograph of yourself and, for just a moment, felt surprised by the person looking back at you?
The Mirror I Didn’t Expect began with an ordinary photograph and one unexpected thought: “Who is that?”
In this guided reflection, I invite you to slow down and really see yourself—not through the eyes of criticism, but with curiosity and compassion. We’ll reflect on the stories our bodies carry, the parts of ourselves we love, the parts we may still struggle to accept, and the person who has lived through every chapter that brought us here.
You don’t have to reject who you are today in order to grow. You don’t have to love every part of yourself to love who you are.
This reflection is based on an essay from my book, The Road to Becoming Me.
Come make a little space for who you are and who you are becoming.

Transcript

The mirror I didn't expect. A guided reflection from the becoming space. Welcome to Guided Reflections from the Becoming Space. I'm Debbie, And I'm really glad you're here. For the next few minutes, There is nowhere else you need to be and nothing you need to figure out. This is simply some time for you, A little space to pause, To notice what comes up, And maybe to understand yourself a little differently. Take a breath. Get comfortable wherever you are. And when you're ready, Let's begin. I want you to think about the last time you really looked at yourself. Not a quick glance in the mirror while getting ready. Not checking your hair before walking out the door. Not looking at a picture and immediately deciding whether you liked the way you looked. I mean really looked at yourself. I had a moment like that because of a photograph I didn't even know existed. I found it while scrolling through my phone. Kevin had taken it while I was laying outside on our deck. And when I saw it, My first thought was, Who is that? Of course, I knew it was me, But for just a moment, I didn't recognize the woman I was looking at. And that made me curious, So I stayed with the picture a little longer. I noticed my gray hair, My freckles, My crooked smile, The gap between my front teeth, The wrinkles on my forehead and around my mouth. I notice the marks on my body that tell stories about places I've been and versions of myself I've lived through. And yes, I noticed some things I still don't completely love. But instead of immediately looking away. I stay. And something became very clear to me. I don't have to love every single thing about myself to love who I am. I wonder what would happen if you gave yourself that same permission. If it feels comfortable, Imagine yourself standing in front of a mirror. Really picture the person looking back at you. You don't have to change anything about her. You don't have to make her younger, Thinner, Stronger, More successful, More confident, More healed, More anything. Just see her. Notice her face. Notice the years that have passed across it. Notice the eyes that have seen things no one else completely understands. Notice the smile that has appeared during some of the happiest moments of her life. Maybe there are lines from laughter. Maybe there are lines from worry. Maybe there are scars. Maybe there are parts of her body she has spent years trying to hide. Whatever you notice, See if you can simply let it be there. Without fixing it. Without criticizing it, Without wishing it away. Because this person has lived. She has loved. She has lost. She has worried. She has laughed. She has made mistakes. She has figured things out. She has fallen down. And somehow she has continued. Sometimes I think we've been taught that self-love means we're supposed to look in the mirror and love absolutely everything we see. I'm not sure I believe that anymore. There are things about myself that I love. There are things I've learned to accept. And there are still things that can bring out the critical voice inside of me. And all of those things can exist at the same time. Maybe self-compassion isn't looking in the mirror and convincing yourself that everything is beautiful. Maybe it's being able to look at yourself and say, This is me. This is my body. This is my story. And I'm going to treat all of it with kindness. Now I want you to think about something else. Who are you becoming? Maybe there are things you want to change. Maybe there are dreams you haven't reached yet. Maybe you're healing from something. Maybe you're starting over. Maybe you're learning how to trust yourself. Maybe you're trying to understand yourself a little better. Or maybe you don't exactly know who you are becoming yet. That's okay, Too. There is room for that person, But there also needs to be room for the person you are right now. You don't have to reject who you are to become who you are meant to be. You can hold space for both. Who you are today. And who you are becoming. One doesn't have to disappear for the other to exist. Becoming isn't about abandoning yourself. It isn't about giving up. Finally reaching some future version of yourself who is worthy for your love. You are allowed to want more. You are allowed to grow. You are allowed to change. And you are allowed to appreciate the person standing right here. Right now. So imagine looking at yourself again, Really looking. And this time, Instead of asking, What needs to change? Try asking, What have you carried? What have you survived? What have you learned? What do I appreciate about you? And maybe the most important question. What do you need from me right now? Don't rush to find the answer, Just notice what comes up. Maybe today you needed to be reminded that you don't have to wait for some future version of yourself to offer yourself compassion. Maybe you needed permission to stop picking apart your reflection. Maybe you needed to acknowledge how much you've been through. Or maybe you simply needed a few minutes to see yourself again. Who you are today matters. Who you are becoming matters. There is space for both. And maybe that's what becoming really is. Not leaving ourselves behind, But learning to bring more and more of ourselves along. As we come to the end of our time together, Take one more breath. You don't have to figure out everything that came up for you today. You don't even have to do anything with it yet. Just notice it. Be curious about it. And give yourself permission to carry whatever you discovered with a little more compassion than you had before. Thank you for spending time with me in the Becoming space. Holding space for who you are and who you are becoming. Keep becoming. I'll meet you right back here next time.