Building Calm Through Connection

14:11

Building Calm Through Connection

by Caroline Buzanko

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Small moments of connection can have a powerful impact on emotional wellbeing. This session explores how positive relationships, kindness, play, gratitude, mindfulness, and supportive interactions help regulate the nervous system and promote a greater sense of calm. Learn practical, everyday strategies that encourage emotional resilience, reduce stress, and strengthen feelings of safety and belonging. Whether you are supporting a child or nurturing your own emotional wellbeing, these simple practices can help create a more grounded, connected, and emotionally balanced life.

Calm Connection Emotional Wellbeing Stress Reduction Mindfulness Gratitude Parenting Resilience Safety Emotion Regulation Stress Hormone Reduction Resilience Building Gratitude Practice

Meet your Teacher

Caroline Buzanko

Calgary, AB, Canada

Meet your Teacher

Caroline Buzanko

Calgary, AB, Canada

Transcript

Of overpowering emotions where I talk about things, Big emotions, Emotion regulation, Resilience, All things that we want our kids to be. And of course, All of this is helpful for us as adults as well. Today, I want to talk about oxytocin and specifically its role in stress and anxiety, And then ways that we can look at boosting oxytocin naturally, Because it can really help our kids with emotion regulation and for ourselves too, Of course. So first of all, What is oxytocin? It is a neuropeptide and it's a hormone produced in the brain, The hypothalamus specifically, And it's released both into the bloodstream and directly into the brain. It's sometimes called the bonding hormone. It's sometimes known as the connection chemical because of its strong links to all of the things related to attachment, To social bonding, Empathy, Calm states, All of those things. And we hear about how important it is in childbirth and with the parent, That child-parent-infant bonding, But oxytocin really does play a role in modulating our stress response as well. And we don't always think about that. We can first look at how it helps reduce cortisol levels. Oxytocin acts sort of like a biological brake, Right? So it's that brake on the body's stress system, And when that oxytocin is released, Cortisol and other stress hormones tend to decrease as well. So it's leading automatically to a calmer physiological state, And we don't even have to do anything. Oxytocin also promotes feelings of safety and feelings of trust. This is a bottom-up sort of regulation, Right? We don't even need to do anything because it's already calming the nervous system. It's really supporting those approach behaviors, Social approach behaviors. I'm always talking about, We got to make sure they're not avoiding all the time. Well, This is it, Right? They're approaching. It's making people more open to connecting to cooperation, Right? All of those pro-social emotions and pro-social behaviors that we see when we feel socially safe, That directly counteracts anxiety. Right. And so anxiety that I mean, That often thrives in isolation, In uncertainty. And so if we're connecting, It's almost there's no room for anxiety. Oxytocin also supports emotion regulation. Kids with stronger oxytocin-driven attachment relationships, They tend to recover more quickly from emotional upsets. And that oxytocin really enhances activation in those brain areas involved in empathy, In emotional understanding, In perspective taking. So the amygdala and, Of course, The prefrontal cortex, Which is the self-regulating brain. Oxytocin also buffers the effects of chronic stress, Because face it, We do have a very stressful lifestyle these days, Right? There's so much stress in every area of our life. And kids who experience supportive interactions throughout the day, It can be parents, It could be coaches, Mentors, Peers, Teachers, Siblings, Whatever it is, Right? Those kids with more of those positive interactions, They're more resilient to whatever ongoing stressors that they might have in their life. It can be academic pressure, It can be any transitions that they have in their life or daily activities. It could be social challenges, Family challenges, All of those things. Regular oxytocin, It just helps prevent the buildup of the toxins toxic stress effects. So there's lots of good things going on with oxytocin, So of course we want to boost it. How do we boost it naturally throughout the day? Well, First of all, Of course, Warm, Positive social interactions, All of those little smiles and the eye contact, Little thumbs up, The positive touch, All of those things can release oxytocin in safe, Appropriate ways. And with touch, I mean, Even I think we were in the society where it's like, We can't touch other people's children. But even if you are a teacher or coach or neighbor, I mean, There's high fives, There's gentle pats on the shoulder, You know, Fist pumps. All of those things are still great. Even just the little eye wink. I know it's not the touch, But you know, Just those acknowledgements can be so helpful. I mean, I always try to make a point of when I go for a walk, Walk my dogs, I'm smiling and looking at people. Don't always get it in return, But I'm trying to make those little points of contact. A lot of our kids get so many, Especially our neurodivergent kids. Well, I mean, I've talked about this before. ADHD kids, You know, Every day get 40 pieces of corrective feedback more than neuro-majority kids. So every day, It's those little interactions that go into their self-identity and who they become. And it creates their narrative about them being a good kid, A lovable kid, A cooperative kid versus a bad kid who can't do anything, Who's a failure at everything. We just want to make sure that the interactions that they're having throughout the day are more warm and positive and supportive than always corrective, Naggy feedback. For parents, I often talk about six Mississippi hugs. That's a rule that I have in my house. Actually, I've got a little. . . My grandfather actually made me something that says Six Mississippi House. So hugging long enough, Like a count of six Mississippis, Can help release that oxytocin. We're modeling warmth. We're modeling empathy. It's not just our words. It's our tone of voice. It's our facial expressions. It's our consistent availability with our emotions, The emotional availability. It's putting our cell phone down and looking at our kids. Our body is directly facing them and open, All of those things. I love starting the day with some sort of welcome ritual. This is one thing in all my workshops that I teach, Some sort of good morning ritual, Just showing we're happy to see them and we're checking in with them, Even if they wake up grumpy pants, Right? Oh, I'm so happy to see you. I always collect my kids. It's a term that I got from Gordon Neufeld. He wrote a book, Hold On To Your Kids, Where every time you meet with them again, Right? So maybe you've gone to work and they've gone to school at the end of the day. I do it any time someone passes a threshold. Comes into a threshold, A doorway, I'm always like, ÌMaya, Willow, Î whatever my girl's name is, And I am big, And my arms are open and up, And my eyes are wide, And I do. I call their name. Even if we've just been sitting and watching a movie, And one of us gets up to go to the bathroom and comes right back 30 seconds later, I'm always doing that. So just how are we collecting our kids? I think that can be really important. Something so simple, Something so easy that we can do right now. Right when we see these kids at the beginning of the day. Having collaborative and cooperative tasks. So helping each other out, Right? It could be peers or siblings helping systems. We really want to have that where we're promoting sort of shared goals. We're promoting empathy, Belonging. All of those things trigger oxytocin release. I really love sibling love jars. I had that with my girls. It was meant for sibling rivalry stuff. So instead of tattling, I would have them. Well, Now we hear of toodling instead of tattling. So we're identifying every time they do something helpful. And so we called it a sibling love charm. I had these little gems. And so every time they could say something kind about their sister or they did something nice for their sister or they helped their sister out or they saw their sister do something nice, They would put a gem and call it out. At the end of every night, We did a debrief. I saw my sister help me clean my room and she Thank you. You know, Brush the dog for me. And she was super sweet and, You know, She was sharing her chocolate bar with me today or whatever it is. And yes, They might put handfuls of these gems in with all of the love, But hey, They're looking out for love, Right? And it does actually boost that oxytocin. Any cooperative learning in the classroom, You know, Or I mean, You could do this at home, But anything that we're doing cooperatively, It helps kids experience the social reward and that connection. And when we have that, We're countering anxiety-based withdrawal. So you could do pair share discussions or peer tutoring or kindness partners, Right? Or whatever it is, You know, How do we support each other during transitions, During challenges, When we're working on hard things, We're trying to problem solve, Figure things out, All of those things can be helpful. Obviously acts of kindness, Gratitude, Those can be really helpful. Any pro-social behaviors that we're encouraging kids to do can really help with this oxytocin. So being able to help others. We're expressing appreciation. We're giving compliments. All of those things stimulate oxytocin. Having daily thank you circles or thank you notes that we're giving. Everybody gets to give a thank you card. All of those things can really nurture this positive emotional climate. So maybe it's having kids write or draw an act of kindness that they did or that they received that day and they can share that. And with gratitude, We know that it's actually giving, Right? It's us doing an act of kindness, And then we're remembering that act of kindness that we did. That builds gratitude far more than if someone has done something nice for us. So that's why we want to make sure we're doing those things. Certainly mindfulness, Right? If we're doing anything, It could be rhythmic movements, Right? It could be yoga, It could be synchronized clapping games, Anything like that, That sort of that rhythmic gentle movement that can activate the parasympathetic nervous system. And that's what just helps calm the nervous system and that can release the oxytocin indirectly through those calming states. So maybe we're beginning the day or beginning any transition period or transition activity with a one minute reset body where we're doing something. One of my favorites is just imagining, You can do this right now, Just having both feet on the ground and just imagining roots growing down out through the bottom of your feet. They're growing out and they're growing down to the center of the earth, Going down, Down, Down through the ground, All the way to the center of the earth and wrapping itself around the core, Right? I love doing something like that. So we were just being able to ground and reset ourselves. So because remember, Whatever our state is at the end of one activity or one time period is the beginning of the next, Like the beginning state of the next transition. And so whatever we can do to have a oxytocin moment to go into that next moment with love and warmth and empathy, That's going to be really helpful. The best thing is play and laughter. Those are so important. There are so many benefits and I think we just don't have enough play and laughter in our life, But anything playful, Anything joyful, Any of those activities, Those are natural oxytocin boosters and they really help regulate emotions. They're reducing physiological stress. Laughter also improves our bonding, Our trust. Overall cohesion, Whether it's in the classroom or in the family or in, You know. Pairs of peers, Whatever that is. So maybe you can have short play breaks or energizing games throughout the day. We're just promoting that social connection and attention regulation. Anything that you can do that has that sort of bonding moment and that's fun. We love doing things and I remember I kind of miss We used to do our whole summers At the cabin and we would always have like the most challenge challenging just dance But we'd be doing it all together and it was just a lot of fun. We do still joke around I mean my girls are older and we can't spend a whole summer together like that anymore with them working But we still have moments where we're laughing and we're just joking around, Right? And having fun, So that can be really important. Safe and predictable relationships are always important, Of course. Any of those predictable, Emotionally attuned relationships, Environments, That increases psychological safety. And when we feel safe psychologically, We're encouraging that oxytocin release, Which is going to reduce the anxiety responses. So that's really important. So when we adults, We're responding with warmth and consistency, Regardless of the child's behavior. The child's stress system is going to learn that relationships are reliable, And that's going to help them internalize that calm. But if we're inconsistent with their behaviors, That's it. Give me your phone. That's it. Get to your room. That's it. Go to the office. They're not able to internalize that. So yes, We need to maintain our authority, We need to maintain rules and boundaries, But in the heat of those emotional moments, That's not the time, Right? We're only having those discussions when everybody's in a calm state, When our prefrontal cortex is online. So those are just a few ideas to boost oxytocin, Which is really, That's the biological foundation for connection and calm and resilience and everything that we need for our kids to do learning and get along and do the things that they need to do throughout the day. So it's definitely something to target because when we're boosting that oxytocin through our everyday relational and sensory experiences, We're gonna reduce stress, We're gonna lower anxiety, We're gonna enhance their learning readiness, We're gonna boost their cooperation, Just all the things we want for our kids, Right? All of those things to boost that emotional safety so that we can create those neurobiologically calming environments that are gonna help kids thrive. Help those kiddos be bold and courageous and I will see you next time.