Hello,
My name is Yvette.
I'm a systemic coach and I would like to talk about boundaries.
I've talked about parentification and triangulation before.
Go check out those videos if you want to learn more.
Parentification is where the child takes over the place of one of the parents.
And triangulation is where,
Well,
You can see it right here,
The child gets involved in a relationship for whatever reason and becomes part of the triangle.
But with boundaries in systemic work,
We really want to have a horizontal and a vertical.
Boundary.
Because parents should be parents.
And a child should be a child.
So in systemic work,
This is the father.
This is Mum.
Father is standing well it's a bit different now with the visual father is standing on the right mom standing on the left and there is a healthy distance between parent and the child.
And the child is looking at both of the parents.
So if you would take part in a family constellation with real represents,
What they often will do,
Not always,
But to create a boundary is where you will place,
Well,
Your mom,
Your dad,
And your dad.
Client.
And you will do this with represent.
So someone is being a represent,
An actor of your father.
Someone is being a represent,
Actor of your mother.
You as a client will either immediately take the place or someone is representing you.
And there should be a distance.
And then you're going to check how this feels.
And it's a very visual process,
But also you can observe many things.
And that is really part of the essence here.
And you can do process work.
I,
As a counselor,
Would,
For example,
Use healing statements where parents are telling their children I am your father or I am your mother.
And here next to me is my mom and dad.
And when we have troubles with each other,
That's none of your business.
Stay out of it.
You be a child and then the child has to acknowledge this and say those healing statements as well.
It's really important that these healing states,
You know,
You just don't say it quickly.
You really have to feel it.
And most important,
Take your own place.
And in real life,
How will this look like?
Well,
That's part of integration work.
And more about that in other videos.
But I think the first step is.
.
.
Being aware.
And seeing.
That this is how it should be,
And it is.
It doesn't have to look like,
For example,
This.
Or,
You know,
Where they're really both leaning on the child.
Or,
Well,
Like the other example.
Child is taking even a place with parentification.
And that leads to unhealthy patterns also in adult lifehood,
Because well,
If you grew up with a relationship like this,
How will your future relationships look like,
Right?
And this is a key in installation work.
Sorry,
Constellation work.
So if you're interested to learn more,
Go check out my profile.
And I hope I can inform you.
