The Difference Between Self-Care & Self-Love

Hi unique learners, This talk centers around self-care and how we often mistake this as self-love. Self-care often comes from this place of “bettering” ourselves for all sort of reasons. Therefore, I pose some questions you can ask yourself to see the difference between self-care and self-love.

Transcript

Hi, Unique Learners. This talk centers around self-care and how we often mistake this as part of self-love. Self-care often comes for this place of bettering ourselves for all sorts of reasons. And therefore, I pose some questions you can ask yourself to see the difference between self-care and self-love. And it's a little bit off topic than usual, But I find in this day and age we all get bombarded with self-care and obviously it is important. It is important that we take care of ourselves physically and mentally. With many of us having to work perhaps multiple jobs, Stressful work and taking care of loved ones and all sort of responsibilities. Yes, Self-care is important for a healthy and fulfilled lifestyle. So today I was having a lovely chat with a friend of mine in busy London about self-love and noticed how quickly it went into notions of self-care. I told her I was working on self-love and how hard it is. She reacted by talking about themes of taking time for yourself, Meditating a minute longer and so on. Society often tells us when you take care of yourself you can work more efficiently, Be better etc. Etc. Hold on, But that's self-care, That's not self-love. I've had a couple of rough months with self-love. Well it was really lacking because I often thought, But I love myself, I do all these good things for myself. I tell myself I love me, But do I really? I like the good parts of myself, That I take care, That I meditate, That I work out, I do yoga, I even get a massage once a month and I drink water. And I'm not saying that this is bad, No it's great, But this is self-care. Self-care is about creating a regular routine of checkups and maintenance so that we can stay running smoothly. But self-care isn't the same as self-love. It's easy to confuse the two, And I have done that myself. Particular in our over-competitive, Hyper-active, Appearance-conscious society. We're bombarded with so many messages about the quote-unquote right way to eat, Dress, Exercise and even meditate, That it is easy to lose sight of the fact that self-care and self-love are very different. Self-love takes us into a deeper place than self-care. Self-love invites us to self-accept and to not judge the self-care we need. Self-love centers on accepting both our loveable and unloveable parts. It is intimacy with our truths, Gentleness with our faults, Honesty for our yearnings, And appreciation for that makes us each so special. Self-care is about fixing what is out of alignment in our lives. Self-love, However, Is the deep knowing that at our core, There's nothing that needs fixing. Wait, What? Nothing needs fixing? All those clichés of you are perfectly imperfect, We are all born perfectly, Are all true? Okay, I can rationalize that, But I don't feel that. For example, These past months I've experienced some heartbreak, And according to my timeline, I should have been over by it. I've lost two important relationships in my life, Two of the most important ones actually. And people told me to just get over it and take care of yourself. And I did, I really took care of myself. I learned that their love did not make me love me better, And it's not their task to love me, It is my task to love me. But I didn't feel that. Instead, I felt unworthy. I could rationalize all sorts of things. I could say, Again, I love me, I am worthy of love, But I didn't feel it. Unconsciously, I still believed I was unworthy. And I actually got worse in this feeling, Because I was practicing self-care, Which was supposed to make me feel good. Why isn't it making me feel good? How am I supposed to feel that there is no need of fixing? So I meditated, And I meditated. I've done all sorts of practices, Mostly self-care, But I didn't feel it. And then today it just hit me. I was practicing self-care, But not self-love. My inner critic was even ruining self-care for me, Because I couldn't get that I'm happy feeling, Even though two people broke my heart. Why do I need their love? Why can't I just give it to myself? My inner critic said. So I took a picture of me as a child. Is the ugliest picture I have of myself. Half of my teeth are out. I have the most horrible haircut ever. Thanks mom. But I look at this picture and think. I love you. With missing teeth. A horrible haircut. I love you. And my inner critic said. I don't believe you. This is not working. You messed it up with these people. You are unlovable. My inner critic continued, As she does so quickly with all sorts of thoughts. These people don't want you in their life. You are unworthy. You are unworthy. And I stopped my inner critic and I finally said. And I love you too, Dark inner critic, Trying to protect me. I love you the most. So I'm asking you. Are you loving yourself or just taking care of yourself? What would it be like to step into the place of knowing that we are each full and complete right now? What if we could live with that deep and tender wisdom every day? And take some space to ask yourself and really feel it in your body with the following questions. Who am I as my fullest most whole self? And is it also my inner critic? How can I better love myself, Not only despite my choices and mistakes, But because of them? How can I show up for myself with love the way I show up for others? What tenderness and care can I extend to myself today? Most of all, Take time to tell yourself. And here, Right now, I know I'm whole. At the core of self-love is connection to the truth, Namely, The truth of oneself. To love yourself is to know yourself. To know your true nature, To connect to it. And to live from that place. Most of us struggle with self-love because we are disconnected from our innermost being. We carry around beliefs about ourselves that are just untrue. Our perception of ourselves is far too small. Coming into self-love always begins with questioning the ideas you have about yourself. Discovering your deeper truth and replacing old, False beliefs that hold you back with what is true and real, Which will free you to live boldly and courageously. Self-love invites us to the deepest truth of all. That love doesn't find us as a result of the right relationship, The right looks, The right connections or the right career. Love is not the destination we arrive to at the end of the path. Self-love is the path. Namaste.

Reviews

Timely. What I needed to hear. Thank you xx

Thank you. That was said just how I needed to hear it today 💕

Pleasant and helpful 😊 thank you so much 😊

Thank you for sharing this insight! The contrast between self-love and self-care is definitely misunderstood. In my experience, self-love and self-acceptance have been the key to effective self-care, and this is the first time I've heard it addressed so aptly.

This really spoke to me, I am ready to strip away the illusions of who I am. Bringing me closer to my inner most highest self. Looking forward to listening on.
With appreciation and love,
Crystal