Welcome.
Today we're talking about something I don't think we talk enough about.
Making new friends as adults.
Because honestly,
Why does it feel so damn hard?
When we were younger,
Friendships seemed to happen almost automatically.
School,
Sports,
College,
Work,
Our kids,
Life kept putting us in rooms with the same people over and over again.
And somewhere along the way.
That changes.
Now making a new friend can almost feel like dating.
Do they like me?
Should I text first?
Am I trying too hard?
Did I say something weird?
Do they actually want to hang out again?
It's awkward,
It's vulnerable.
And at this point in our lives,
We've also lived a little.
We've been hurt.
We've been disappointed.
Maybe you've had a friendship in that you thought would last forever.
Maybe someone stopped showing up.
Maybe there wasn't even some big falling out.
You just simply grew apart.
Do you know that there's actually research showing just how much our social circles can change?
One study that followed adults over seven years found that only about half of those people and their personal networks were still part of those networks seven years later.
So maybe we can stop believing every friendship that changes means we did something wrong.
Our circles change.
People come in.
People drift away.
Life changes.
And we change too.
Take a slow breath in through your nose.
And gently release it out through your mouth.
Again,
Breathing in.
.
.
And letting go.
Maybe somewhere along the way your heart became a little more guarded.
Not closed,
Just careful.
There's a difference.
And maybe your standards have changed.
You're not necessarily looking for someone just to feel an empty Saturday night.
You want something real.
Someone you can laugh with.
Also someone you can call when life isn't funny at all.
Someone who celebrates the good without comparison.
Someone who can sit beside you in the messy stuff.
And when that's what you're looking for.
Maybe it's okay that it takes a little longer.
You're not looking for just anybody.
You're looking for connection.
And connection matters.
Research involving hundreds of thousands of people has found an association between stronger social relationships and living longer.
Think about that for a moment.
Maybe friendship isn't simply something nice to have.
Maybe we're meant to need one another.
Someone to call.
Someone to laugh with.
Someone who notices when we're not quite ourselves.
Someone who can sit beside us when life gets messy.
Wanting that doesn't make you needy.
It makes you human.
And if you're someone like me.
You might actually have no problem talking to people.
You can walk into a room and connect easily.
On the outside,
It might even look effortless.
But sometimes,
That can come with its own layer of doubt afterward.
Maybe you find yourself replaying conversations.
Wondering if you said too much?
Or if you came across as too intense.
Maybe you opened up too quickly because you felt something real in that moment.
And then later,
He questioned it.
Was that too much?
Did I overshare?
And sometimes that can even make you wonder if you were being faked.
When really.
.
.
It can be the opposite.
You remain open.
You are being human.
You were responding to connection as it was happening.
Some people connect slowly,
Some people connect more quickly.
Some of us feel connection deeply in the moment and express it right away.
None of that is wrong.
Maybe the work isn't shutting that part of yourself down.
Maybe it's learning how to stay with yourself afterward.
Without picking apart every word.
Without replaying the whole conversation.
Without deciding you were too much.
Real connection doesn't require perfection.
And the right people won't need you to become smaller,
Quieter,
Or more edited in order to belong.
Now I ask you to bring one hand to your heart.
And feel the warmth of your hand against your body.
And take a slow breath in.
And as you breathe out.
Allow your shoulders to soften.
Maybe quietly say to yourself.
.
.
I can protect my heart without closing it.
You don't have to trust someone immediately.
You don't have to tell them your entire story.
And you don't have to know after one coffee whether you've found your new best friend.
Friendship can unfold slowly.
Conversation by conversation.
Invitation by invitation.
Little pieces of ourselves shared over time.
Maybe that's something we understand better now.
Real connection doesn't have to be rushed.
Now I ask you to imagine yourself walking into a room.
Maybe that room is a workout class.
Coffee shop.
A book club.
Somewhere you've been wanting to go.
Notice what happens inside you.
Maybe your stomach tightens.
Maybe your mind starts wondering what everyone thinks.
Maybe you look around and think,
Everyone already has their people.
Or maybe you walk in,
Start talking,
Connect.
And feel completely comfortable.
And then you leave.
And the overthinking starts.
Either way.
I ask you to.
Take a deep breath.
You don't have to impress anyone in this room.
And you don't have to get every interaction right.
Maybe there's another woman in that room thinking some version of the exact same thing.
Maybe she's wondering if everyone already has their people.
Maybe she's hoping someone will say hello.
Maybe she's guarded too.
She's been hurt too.
And maybe she talks a lot when she's nervous.
Or she's wondering if she's too much.
You Just imagine your shoulders relaxing.
Your face softening.
Your heart staying protected but leaving the door cracked open.
You don't have to just fling it open wide.
Just a little crack.
Enough for a smile.
For conversation.
Enough to sit beside someone instead of across the room.
Enough to be the one who extends an imitation.
Or accepts.
With your hands still over your heart.
Breathing in.
.
.
Breathing out.
Reminding yourself.
I can be myself.
I can let myself be seen.
Again,
I can be myself.
I can let myself be seen.
You don't need 20 new friends.
Or a packed social calendar.
You also don't need to lower your standards for the kind of friendship you want.
Maybe you simply want a few people who feel safe.
People who make room for the real you.
Because one person who really gets you can mean more than a room full of people who don't.
Take a fuller breath in.
Slowly let it go.
Carry this with you.
I don't have to know who my people are yet.
I only have to stay open enough to meet them.
Remember that research about our circles changing.
Maybe we can look at it another way.
If people can leave our circles as life changes.
There's also room for someone new to enter.
Your story with some of the people who may become important to you.
Hasn't even started yet.
And I think there's something really beautiful about that.
Now I invite you to come back into the space around you.
And into this day.
Leaving the door cracked open just a little wider.
Say hello.
.
.
Send the text.
Take the class.
Accept the invitation.
Or be the one brave enough to make it.
And when you walk away from that conversation,
Try not to replay every word.
You don't have to decide whether they liked you.
You don't have to decide whether you said too much.
You showed up.
You connected.
And you allowed yourself to be seen.
Let that be enough for today.
You don't have to force a friendship that isn't there.
And you don't have to become a different version of yourself to be chosen.
You can protect your heart without closing it.
Just stay open to the possibility that your people are still out there.
Because maybe somewhere,
Someone.
.
.
Is hoping to find a friend just like you.
