Worksheet
Flexible Monogamy and Erotic Recovery: How to Turn Inherited Relationship Rules Into Conscious Agreements
Most couples never chose their definition of monogamy, they inherited it. This worksheet, created with sex and relationship therapist Dr. Tammy Nelson, PhD, Founder and Executive Director of the Integrative Sex Therapy Institute, helps partners trade unspoken rules for spoken agreements. It guides clients through naming what they inherited, identifying what they're protecting, mapping shared resources, and reconnecting with desire, without requiring any change to relationship structure.
How to Use This Worksheet
Assign this worksheet as between-session homework for couples examining commitment, jealousy, or desire discrepancy. Clients complete the five steps privately first, then share selected answers with a partner. Clinicians can use the Resource Map and Green/Yellow/Red sections as a structured basis for a joint session, pacing disclosure to match the couple's capacity for regulation.
Who This Worksheet Is For
This worksheet is designed for couples and sex therapists, marriage and family therapists, and relationship coaches working with clients navigating commitment, monogamy, infidelity recovery, or desire discrepancy. It also serves individuals and partners in long-term relationships who want to consciously examine inherited beliefs about fidelity, exclusivity, and erotic autonomy, whether or not they intend to change their relationship structure.
Expected Outcomes
- Improved ability to discuss boundaries without judgment
- Clearer distinctions between imposed rules and mutual agreements
- Greater awareness of how time, attention, affection, and sex are shared
- Increased confidence in discussing autonomy and desire
- More intentional relationship agreements
- Improved preparation for honest partner conversations
Related Topics
References
Nelson, T. (2013). The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity. New Harbinger Publications.
Nelson, T. (2021). Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement. Sounds True.
Perel, E. (2006). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. HarperCollins.
Conley, T. D., Matsick, J. L., Moors, A. C., & Ziegler, A. (2017). Investigation of consensually nonmonogamous relationships. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 12(2), 205–232.
Mark, K. P., & Lasslo, J. A. (2018). Maintaining sexual desire in long-term relationships: A systematic review and conceptual model. Journal of Sex Research, 55(4–5), 563–581.
Frequently Asked Questions About Flexible Monogamy and Erotic Recovery: How to Turn Inherited Relationship Rules Into Conscious Agreements Resources
© Copyright 2026 Insight Network Inc. All rights reserved.
If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger - don’t use this site. Use these resources