Welcome.
Let's just settle in and arrive.
Find a comfortable position.
Meditation isn't meant to torture us.
We're supposed to find a position where we can relax but stay awake.
So maybe notice your weight in the chair.
Or wherever you're sitting.
And if it feels comfortable,
Allow your eyes to close or soften your gaze.
And take a slow breath in,
Noticing the pause at the top before the exhale.
And then exhale completely,
Let it go.
And another one,
A nice slow breath in,
A slight pause at the top of the inhale.
Then a full,
Slow exhale,
Letting it all go,
Grounding you in this moment in your body.
And allow your breathing to return to its natural rhythm.
No need to control,
Do anything differently.
Just be aware that you're breathing.
And feel the places that your body is supported in the chair,
Cushion,
Bed.
Feet touching a surface Notice your hands.
Resting heavily.
When you're left.
Or your seat.
So just notice the simple physical experience of being here now.
Now bring your attention to the breath.
Whether it's noticing it near your nostrils.
Perhaps your chest.
Or your belly.
Just noticing how your breath moves gently within you.
And now notice what your mind's doing.
Is it here just breathing with you or is it thinking,
Remembering?
Planning.
Replaying or judging.
Again,
Just notice what the mind's doing.
Where did the mind take you during that one minute of silence?
And there's nothing wrong with any of that.
The practice is to notice.
And return to the breath.
And during this sit today,
I thought we would work with a part of ourselves that every human I've encountered struggles with,
And it's self-blame.
The tendency of the mind to look backward and say,
I should have known.
Why did I do that?
Why didn't I do something if only I had?
Sometimes self-blame comes after something small.
A conversation we wish had gone differently,
Something we forgot.
A decision we regret.
And sometimes we carry this heaviness,
This blame for things that happened long ago.
We can become so used to these stories that we stop recognizing them as thoughts.
They begin to feel true.
Today,
We're not going to try to decide whether you should or shouldn't blame yourself.
We're simply going to notice what it feels like and how to create some space.
So allow something to come to mind that you blame yourself for.
Maybe choose something manageable,
Like.
.
.
Maybe you forgot to pick up avocados yesterday at the grocery store.
Or you forgot a friend's birthday.
Something that's not earth shattering but has left a little bruising.
And just notice what comes,
Notice what happens when you bring that to mind.
Notice the words that come to mind,
Maybe.
I wish I had.
I wish I hadn't.
If only.
And see if you can notice the words simply as thoughts.
Not pushing them away.
Not arguing with them.
Not believing them.
Just noticing.
This is self-blame.
Just naming.
This is self-blame.
Now bring your attention to your body.
When you blame yourself,
Where do you feel it?
Is there a tightness in the shoulders or jaw,
A furrowing of the brow?
Maybe a heaviness in your belly or a sinking feeling in your heart.
Just notice.
And if any of these thoughts or feelings become overwhelming,
I find it so helpful just to take a nice,
Long,
Deep breath to create more spaciousness within.
And now I want you to notice an interesting concept about self-blame.
That we have an added advantage.
Of looking at it.
After it happened.
So maybe we thought we were saying something innocuous,
But it really hurts someone we love.
And so now,
With this information,
We think,
Oh,
If only I had known.
But you didn't know.
You didn't know your child would have a temper tantrum because you forgot the Cheetos.
You had no idea when you sent the text that right before that,
Your friend found out they lost their job.
We don't have all the information.
So just let that land a bit,
That often.
Self-blame comes with knowledge we didn't have when we made the initial decision.
Just breathe into that.
Notice what happens when you let yourself off the hook.
Allowing the possibility that if you were a magician,
Maybe you could change it.
By just sitting with the fact that.
The best you'll ever be is human.
Just breathe into that.
The miraculous messiness of simply being human.
Sometimes getting it right.
Sometimes not so much.
Often our self-blame comes with replaying over and over.
It's almost like our mind is trying to convince us that we can change the path.
And so if something's arriving for you.
Use your breath to create space.
Letting that self-blame know.
That the past is gone.
Letting the self-blame know.
How human you are.
Maybe reminding self-blame that there's a difference between blame and responsibility.
That most of us take responsibility for a misstep.
The problem is after that.
Putting this bird down.
That's what we're trying to do today.
How do we get that self-blaming part to just give us some space?
There's no requirement to punish ourself over and over again for a past mistake.
We take responsibility and now we're tending to our heart.
And breathing in as much forgiveness and compassion.
As we would give a child or a friend.
Or even a stranger,
Because sometimes it's easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourself.
So now notice what's happening internally.
Perhaps the mind's still going,
Saying,
Yes,
But.
Maybe if.
And I highly recommend if that's happening.
To turn your lips upward and smile,
Noticing,
Ah,
There's the mind again.
There's the mind.
And let the mind be the mind.
But create some space.
And one way to get into our heart.
Is instead of self-blame.
To again think of someone we love.
Who maybe made a mistake.
And what we would offer them.
Notice the difference between the mind judging and the heart feeling.
And now for these last few minutes,
Let's just return to the breath.
The openness,
The spaciousness.
The miraculousness.
Following the breath to the top of the inhale.
Letting go with the full exhale.
Being held by the seat or the earth.
Just resting.
Hopefully a bit in your heart.
Now take a slightly deeper breath in,
Slowly let it go.
Come back to the feet on the floor,
The weight of the body.
Noticing the room around you.
And ever so slowly and gently fluttering the eyes open.
And filling your heart with self-love and gratitude as closely as you can get to that.
Be well.
