When We Disagree — A One-Minute Heart Practice

03:22

When We Disagree — A One-Minute Heart Practice

Rated

4.8

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

4.5k

Real connection isn't found by avoiding disagreement — it's found by listening through it. In one minute, learn perception checking: a simple practice that turns even conflict into a moment of genuine understanding and mutual respect.

Contemplative Inquiry Heartfulness Practice Empathy Empathy Development

Meet your Teacher

Los Angeles, CA, USA

Meet your Teacher

Los Angeles, CA, USA

Transcript

You and I are tasked with building community. Including the people we disagree with. Here's a tool you can use at any time with anyone. But it can be most effective when you have a difference of opinion with another person. It's a form of listening. When we have a different opinion. Fully listening to someone without judging them can be challenging. But it's in those moments of disagreement. When we most want to be right. Or argue our position that listening and being heard really matters the most. In spite of differing opinions. If someone feels they're truly being heard by the other person, Bond is created. A bond rooted in mutual respect. The tool is called perception checking. Here's how you do it. Set the intention to understand the other person's point of view. Then, Perception checking is exactly what it sounds like. It's making sure that what you heard is what the other person said. And it begins with. What I'm hearing you say is. . . You repeat back what you heard. And then finish with, Is that accurate? Am I hearing you correctly? What I heard you say is, Is that right? And then allow silence to follow. And that silence. You might see the person become reflective. It's an unusual experience to hear your words come back to you from the lips of another person. Now, Perception. Checking is not agreeing with me. It is conceding the point. On the surface is simply confirming what the other person said. Sometimes it turns out we weren't listening carefully. We misunderstood what they said. Sometimes when the person hears you repeat back their words, They realize they didn't quite express what they meant to. When they have a chance to. Restate it more clearly. On a deeper level. Perception checking provides a mirror for the other person. Sometimes. When we hold that mirror up. By repeating back their words. The person realizes the fallacy of what they've said. And may have been saying for a long time. Reception checking. Is an act of love. It says, I will set aside my own need to be right. Long enough to truly understand you. Perception checking does a valuable service. It says, I hear you. And what the other person feels in return is. I matter.

4.8 (843)

Recent Reviews

R

Rebecca

August 27, 2026

Beautifully put! What a great gift we can give one another….to be heard and know that we matter! Thank you so much!🙏

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IvanaB

August 26, 2026

Thank you, this is a useful tool. I am endeavouring to be less judgementsl and more inclusive but often fail. I look forward to applying this approach in my interaction with others.

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Jeanne

August 26, 2026

Excellent! Very useful. Kind. I’m grateful to have found this track.

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Julia

August 25, 2026

A great reminder of such a powerful practice. Many thanks Paul 🙏 💕💫

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Stacey

August 25, 2026

This short yet powerful talk was just what I needed. It’s a great reminder And. I will put it to use. 💕 Thank you

K

Karen

August 25, 2026

Thanks for this perception checking video 🙏 Very useful in this crazy time we're in! Namasté 🙏

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MARCY

August 25, 2026

Being wrong in a disagreement can do nothing but teach us. Hope everyone has a blast! and a productive day.

A

Annabeliz

August 25, 2026

This resonates today, but here’s my thing, how can you sit there and absorb someone else’s perception when they are gaslighting your experiences as if they know your inner feelings or intentions? I can sit and listen for so long, the moment that behavior surfaces I shut down completely. I will not sit here and allow another person to paint my soul black because of a jaded perception. Why people feel so strongly that they nailed it and they know what you’re thinking is a sin. That’s EGO. I run into this issue often. Which is why my disagreements last so long, I can hear their side, I can discern if I’m wrong or maybe misunderstood, but to have someone gaslight, rewrite my inner story for me, accuse me of twisting, I cannot allow that behavior or override what I’m truly feeling. That is a direct killer of joy and trust.

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Geri

August 25, 2026

Wow I really resonate with what you said. Thank u 🙏🏽

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Chrysalis

August 25, 2026

Thank you for sharing this practice on perception checking!

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Cynthia

August 25, 2026

I wholeheartedly agree with this method; thank you! I am open to suggestions re if the other person is not responsive to this because it triggers them to think of this as being their wallflower sister’s standard response despite my being genuine in my quest to understand. Any alternative ideas to bridging a gap when this method is triggering for the other individual? Much appreciated!

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Joyce

August 25, 2026

Powerful, kind, fair and compassionate to everyone.

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DeAnn

August 25, 2026

Truly appreciate the compassionate approach and especially hooked me at building community💝🥰 Lookkng forward to practicing! Thank you!

A

Alena

August 24, 2026

I recently herd a debate in which one party was clearly not listening to the other. Glazed over eyes, and nary a response that showed understanding of the other party's point of view. I wonder what might debates be like if a cycle of perceptual feedback and response were included in the process...

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Mar

August 24, 2026

Very helpful, thank you 🙏 I now need the patience and understanding to practize this. I will try my best to do this.

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Noah

August 24, 2026

Such an underrated exercise. Sounds easier to do than it is when the discussion is heated but a great thing to practice.

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Loretta

August 24, 2026

Great reminder, and well explained. Thank you Paul. 🙏

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Cynthia

August 24, 2026

May we all adopt this and truly listen to each other

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Colette

August 24, 2026

I will set this as my intention and practice it. Thank you for giving me this wisdom.