Hi,
Welcome to another episode of the I Heal We Heal podcast.
I'm your host Melissa.
Today I feel called to talk about the self-love journey or the self-love concept.
I'll start by introducing what is considered the four main loves in life or the four loves of life.
So the first one is,
In honor of course of this episode,
Is self-love.
The second one that comes in with less priority is partner love or your relationship love.
Your partner represents the most accurate picture in your reality of who you are as an individual.
And so what I mean by that is that this individual,
Whoever your partner is,
Is a reflection,
A direct reflection of everything that you've healed and haven't healed up until this present moment.
And so whatever that looks like for you,
You can see it reflected back to you and the way that they come through for you.
The third one is your passions love.
And so this refers to your gifts and abilities,
Your inspirations in life,
Basically as you know,
Your why in life,
Where you invest your energy,
What you put out into the world.
And then the last one on this list is everybody else.
So it's your love for others or anything in the exterior,
Your family,
Your kids,
Society as a whole.
And I think that this list of priorities or your four main loves in life and the way that they're ranked are so important to reflect upon.
Ask yourself,
Like,
Is this how I prioritize the energy or the love that I put out?
Am I prioritizing myself or am I prioritizing these exteriors?
Because if I'm prioritizing two,
Three or four on this list,
I am no longer the priority in my life.
And this is where life sort of resembles living an illusion because you are fulfilling the needs and desires of these exteriors rather than your own.
I want to talk about self-love as a concept and not necessarily as this ideal as painted by society.
I feel that too often society paints it as this very aesthetic concept and we associate all of the more self-care related aesthetics to it,
Such as like getting your hair done,
Getting your nails done.
And that's cute and everything,
But we're talking about the deepest love that we can ever experience in life.
And truly what our main purpose and focus should be on as individuals is prioritizing ourselves and our desire to evolve.
And I think it's important for me to highlight just how skewed of an idea of self-love that we have as a society.
I remember earlier on in my healing journey,
The concept of self-love was one of the things that came to me as a healing point in my journey.
It was highlighted to me like,
This is something you've got to understand and you've got to work at.
And so I was like,
Okay,
Cool.
I think I understand what it is.
Pretty quickly I figured out that I had no clue what it was.
It was in fact something so foreign to me because I associated everything that is fed to you by society as accepting yourself physically.
And it's so,
So much deeper than that.
If you've never heard the terms,
The inner child or the inner teen,
I strongly suggest that you research it.
These terms are ultimately what the foundation of self-love is.
It's creating a relationship with the inner child and the inner teen that we all have and have all neglected at some point,
Or probably still do.
For me,
That looked like a hella wounded inner child to begin with.
But then on top of it,
I had a angry teenager that not only didn't understand what the inner child went through from an outside perspective,
But one that felt a victim to the world and its circumstances.
And so it was only then when I started working with the inner child and the inner teen that I understood repressed emotions and emotional intelligence.
There was so much repressed anger and pain and suffering from these two,
The inner child and the inner teen in me,
That this is what ultimately led to physical illness in my body,
Which was the cancer diagnosis.
And so it wasn't until I started understanding these terms that I was like,
Oh,
This is what self-love is.
Self-love is being able to look at yourself and being able to embrace the shadow self with complete acceptance and compassion.
And so that looks like understanding not only what the inner child went through,
But what the inner teen didn't have the tools or capacities to understand and felt the need to repress those emotions and those traumas that it went through.
We perceive them as weaknesses or traumas.
This looks different for everybody,
But we've all got them.
And so I think that a term and concept that's been pretty popularized recently has been like working with the shadow self.
And so that's basically what it is,
Is understanding and having complete acceptance and compassion for what we perceive as weaknesses within ourselves.
And not only that,
But also understanding that triggers as we perceive them to be aren't necessarily negative.
Triggers are there to help us heal.
And they do that by what we consider triggering.
We create and recreate scenarios in our 3D reality to expose us those wounds that are still there and that are still open within us to help us overcome them,
To help us heal.
It is a painful type of work to do and to realize,
Oh,
I'm recreating this scenario,
Right?
So for example,
If you consider the mother wound,
We've all got our own representation and whatever wounding was done through that mother wound,
Whether it was abandonment,
Betrayal or injustice,
For example,
We will subconsciously go on about life,
Recreating those scenarios by attracting people and different scenarios to recreate those wounds over and over again.
And again,
We do this subconsciously,
But we do it to bring that quite literally in our faces,
In our 3D reality is,
Hey,
You've still got this,
You're still carrying it around,
You've still not worked on this wound.
It's so important to understand the concept of the law of attraction and that it's not just associated with manifestation and the things that we do want,
But that the law of attraction is quite literally always at work with things that we want and we also don't consciously want.
Your complete 3D reality is responding to you and coming from you.
All of it exists for you.
And unfortunately,
When we do go through,
Uh,
Traumas and repressed emotions,
We do enter into this,
Uh,
Victim mentality in which you do feel like life is happening to you.
And it's only now me looking back,
You know,
Through what I've been through in my healing journey that I'm realizing that it's in these periods of what we perceive as chaos that are truly periods of reconstruction.
And yes,
It's uncomfortable,
But it's exactly that,
That we're supposed to sit in those periods of uncomfortableness to be able to overcome and reflect on why it is that we're experiencing this,
Because we are ultimately the creators of our complete reality.
And so it's important to question,
What is this reflecting back to me?
What is this scenario,
Person,
Thing,
Place reflecting back to me?
You know,
It is much more convenient to look at our 3D reality and point fingers,
You know,
To the exterior.
Oh,
This person,
Oh,
This place,
Thing,
Whatever.
And it's like,
Yes,
But they are only existing and recreating that scenario or that wound for you to realize that it can only exist out there if it exists within you.
I had a great mentor give me this comparison and it's changed the way that I view not only the inner child and the inner teen,
But the concept of repressed emotions or the act of,
Right?
And it's,
If you had a child come up to you and they are just bawling their eyes out because they fell at the playground or whatever,
Would you turn away from the kid or put them in a room and lock them up and just ignore their cries and their tantrums and whatever it is that they're going through and completely just disregard everything that they're going through and feeling?
Or would you take the time to make sure that they're okay,
That they didn't scrape their knee or whatever it was that that happened to them?
And I remember thinking like,
No,
Of course I'm going to be there for that kid.
And I remember my mentor just being like,
Okay,
You wouldn't abandon the child,
But yet you've abandoned your inner child time and time again,
Every time when you're faced with this wound.
This example really put into perspective to me the fact that,
You know,
No,
You wouldn't do that to a physical child that would come up to you,
You know,
Crying and you wouldn't lock them up in a room and throw away the key to,
So to speak.
But yet we do that every single time that an uncomfortable situation comes up in our 3D reality and our inner child is like begging to be seen,
To be heard because this wound still hurts and it's still there.
And we're like,
Oh no,
Like I'm too busy to deal with my emotions right now.
I'm too stressed.
Like I've got stuff to do,
Places to be.
My emotions aren't important.
And that was me.
I was so consumed by my reality,
My 3D reality that I not once,
I mean,
Not even a handful of times probably that I like truly sat down and it's like,
Okay,
Why is this triggering me?
Why do I continue to recreate these scenarios or recreate these friendships or relationships?
Fill in the blank.
And so you fail to see the pattern time and time again.
It's the same pattern,
Different characters,
And they're all pointing to the same thing.
They're all raising the red flag like,
You've got this abandonment wound.
You've got this injustice wound here.
And we're just like,
Oh no,
Not important.
And that right there is quite literally the same as locking a child up for throwing a tantrum and just walking away.
It's the same thing,
Except we're doing it to ourselves.
It's that five-year-old,
That six-year-old that went through trauma that they couldn't understand.
They didn't have the knowledge to understand what was going on.
And it is so painful to do that to yourself time and time again.
And you as a grown adult and not see it.
So today I challenge you to reflect on your list of priorities or your list of your four main loves in life.
And truly and honestly ask yourself if self-love is at the top of that list.
And if it is not,
Why is it that you haven't built that relationship with your inner child and inner teen?
Not knowing how is one thing,
But knowing that you are allowing this inner child or inner teen to just sit there with repressed emotions quite literally within us is I think very,
Very hurtful to ourselves.
And so then I challenge you to look at your reality,
Your 3D experience,
And identify if there are any patterns that you've never looked at or you've never realized until today.
Like,
Oh yeah,
I keep recreating these same partners and relationships or partners in business or friendships,
Fill in the blank.
Thank you.
And until next time.
